Here we gooooooooooooooo!!!

Ahhhhhhhhh. The sound of another year gone by (or loosening of the britches due to Christmas dinner) . . . either way it's often a time to reflect and make resolutions for a better year next year. Too bad I'm not one for resolutions . . .

However, I am resolute in one thing -- I've had it with struggling with my waist line. I'm tired of losing my breathe going up and down stairs, straining to tie my shoes, and all in all - just feeling a bit uncomfortable. Most of all -- I hate the stares. The stares really hurt your self esteem. You can almost hear their judgement on you before they even speak.

Well - since there isn't a diet I haven't tried, I've arrived at a point in my life where I can accept the inevitable, or take a risk. I'm chosing to take a risk. I have scheduled a dr's appt with a bariatric surgeon to explore the options of weight loss surgery.

Again, the judgements follow . . . I've had people tell me to "just not eat so much" or "just start running" or "go for a walk" or whatever. Thank you to all that have offered their advice, but you don't get it. You don't know what it's like. So, here is my feeble attempt at explaning it.

What do you tell an alcoholic they must do in order to not be addicted?? -- Don't drink alcohol. What do you tell a drug addict they must do in order to not be addicted?? -- Don't do drugs. Why are recovering addicts of these two successful -- they don't fall off the wagon. Everyone that knows an addict knows that even one slip up . . . one trip off the wagon . . . and it's a quick down hill tumble. And we all know how hard it is to break an addiciton . . . What do you tell someone that is addicted to food?? -- Don't eat so much and exercise . . . Hmmmm . . . it's the only addiction that you can't just stop doing because if you stop, you die. But if you don't stop . . . you die. There's one part of the problem.

The other part -- well -- after years of over eating . . . I've stretched out my stomach. It's a lot larger than it used to be . . . and that creates a problem. The nerves that create the "full" feeling are located in the TOP of the stomach. So, my hardwired body is jacked up because it takes more food than it should now to keep my brain from telling me it's hungry. That's the other part of the problem.

Now before we go down the journey of WHY I overate -- (you can check my old 360 blog for that . . . I haven't brought those posts over yet) -- know that I have dealt with, and conqured those demons. I no longer have the same feelings or motivations that I used to that drove me to eat. I'm good at three meals a day. Now it's about portion control . . .

Which brings me to what I want to have done -- I want to have a laproscopic band placed around my stomach. It, in essence, will shrink the size of my stomach allowing me to eat MUCH less food, and still feel full . . . among other things. It also restricts how big of bites I can take (forces me to take smaller bites and chew longer, slowing down how fast I eat and allowing my body to only eat what it needs) and certain foods I can't eat anymore (high fats, sodas, etc.) b/c my body will reject them.

Sound drastic?? Well, it kinda is. But so is not doing anything . . . My first appt with the doctor is in a few weeks . . . and if all goes well this spring I'll hopefully have the procedure! My life could drastically change in one year . . . I'm very scared by that . . . and also excited. I just made it through the turnstile and it's finally time to get on . . .


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Now playing: Samantha Mumba - I Don't Need You
via FoxyTunes

Feliz Navidad from Tejas!!

Merry Christmas y'all!!! Wanted to spruce the blog up a little bit with a little Christmas decor and cheer . . . and a few holiday pointers . . .

Like - for instance - SMILE while Christmas shopping! When did this become a chore and not fun?? You should shop with friends or family that make you laugh and enjoy the experience. You accomplish your tasks and maybe make a memorable experience. Of course, be careful with the baskets -- especially in stores that like to pack things precariously on the sales floor (i.e. Pier One and the stack of glass oil enfusers -- but it wasn't me that broke it!)

Speaking of shopping -- look online for some fun stuff. Unique and fun gifts that you can purchase in your jammies (or in the buff!) Of course you can check the usual suspects, like target.com - amazon.com - and ebay.com, but do some searches and see what pops up. That's how I found blurb.com (custom books -- I made my dad a scrapbook of old photos into a book) and skinit.com (adhesive designs for any device).

Or -- how about plan a fun and easy meal for large gatherings for once! On Christmas Eve -- we're doing an Appetizer Delight (finger foods only!) and for Christmas -- well it's steak and potatoes! And use Chinet or plastic ware. It's fun - different - and easy to clean up!

And in a tight economy -- how about drawing for gifts so you don't have to buy for everyone! There's my dad and stepmom, my 3 brothers, 2 sis in laws, not to mention the kids. So we drew so we could buy one good gift vs. a bunch of cheap ones and wasted money. Plus, we're doing a Chinese Christmas so that'll be fun too . . .

Hope everyone has a fantastic Christmas (or whatever winter holiday you and yours celebrate). Much love!!!!

Life in HD

Ever notice how sometimes life just comes at you all at once?? Not in a bad, or good way . . . it's just clear. It's been awhile since life has come at me in HD, but right now, my life is in HD. I feel like I can see where it's great, and where it needs work. It's kinda neat. Kinda like watching live events in HD -- sometimes it freaking awesome, and sometimes a bit scary.

My niece answered the phone when I called my brother, and wanted to know if I was gonna spend the night. It made me smile a bit, since I hadn't had anyone ask if I was gonna spend the night in a long, long time. She was so excited to learn that Ragan would be coming with me, and that I would indeed spend the night at my brother's house. My family is coming in loud and clear -- they miss me and love me. Can't wait to move back closer to home (2010 hopefully!!!).

My television is actually now in HD, finally. Yes, I had a flat screen tv for awhile, but just never saw the need to get that dvr thing. My friends had it and I always watched shows over there. My favorite show, the closer, I could watch on dvd when it comes out, and there isn't much else that I watch. Well, 2 new shows are out (Leverage and Trust Me, ironically both on TNT with the Closer) and I just had to get a dvr. So -- now my tv is clear.

My bff Grace (yes, we have joe & grace shirts!!) is getting married in October. Everytime we talk, it gets a little more real. We've planned to do dress shopping, tux shopping, center piece planning, etc. over the course of the next few months. I've got to work on invites, programs, and place cards. And now we're leaning towards doing a playlist CD as a favor for the guests of the wedding. A way for them to share their gratitude with their families and friends. I'm so happy for her, and for him too! They are so in love -- and that is clear to me too. Love is still out there for me, and it will find me just like it found Gracie.

Finally, the holidays are clear to me too. It's cold (like single digits!) and the hustle and bustle, even in these times, is in the air. Many, like me, are buying less and buying bargains, but it's still holidays. All that's left for me is to wrap presents and put 'em in the back of the car. :) It's Christams time in the city . . . clearly . . .

So, I'm a fan of life in HD -- I like seeing everything clearly. Hopefully, you are seeing the positives, as well as the challenges, in HD too.

I leave you with a sneak peak at the playlist for the wedding CD -- like everything we do -- it will change -- but that's part of the fun!

Ain't No Other Man - Christina Aguilera
Your Song - Elton John
Feels Like Home - Chantal Kreviazuk
(She's) Some Kind of Wonderful - Huey Lewis & the News
The Greatest - Michelle Williams
The Way - Clay Aiken
Everything - Michael Buble'
I'd Wait for Life - Take That
Love is Strange - Mickey & Sylvia
You're the One That I Want - John Travolta & Olivia Newton-John
Angels - Robbie Williams
Will You Marry Me? - Paula Abdul
Rule the World - Take That
Realize - Colbie Caillat
I'll Be Loving You Long Time - Mariah Carey
Save the Last Dance - Michael Buble'
2 Hearts - Kylie Minogue
Something to Talk About - Bonnie Raitt
Wonderful Tonight - Eric Clapton

Marry you??

So, Newsweek's cover story is about gay marriage. Here's the link to the article if you haven't read it: http://www.newsweek.com/id/172653

The article does well in arguing for gay marriage. I liked the author's use of the Bible and using interpretations that are not just her own, but that of several theologists as well. I think what's interesting however, is that she touches on what I truly believe is the main issue of the arguement against gay marriage but doesn't really explore it. The uncomfortablility (is that a word?) of understanding gay sex, specifically among men.

I've always believed that the main issue isn't actually a religious based arguement, but rather a lack of understanding. For some reason, in our society, sex between women has always been considered okay (and in some cases, hot -- by straight men no less). Since men have always been in control (until recent history) - the societal pressures that have created our norms and customs were developed by heterosexual men. Many of our practices and beliefs were in part, designed to help keep those in power, in power.

Now I don't believe that keeping gay men down in some way is part of a huge power struggle or conspiracy . . . I just believe that it challenges what people have been taught to believe. In turn, if the belief that gay marriage is wrong is shown to be what it is -- poppycock -- then what else in that canon of beliefs is also incorrect?? This fear is what drives the fanaticism of those on the side of anti-gay marriage.

The arguement that marriage is holy or sactioned by God is just an arguement that is easy to defend. If you disagree, you don't believe in God . . . therefore . . . no one should listen or trust you. Yeah -- I'm from the South -- I get the arguement. It's not true, but it's hard to fight because of the stigma that is assigned to you if you disagree with it. It's all about power, and being reistance to change.

I'm not a fan of saying Gay is the new Black -- b/c every struggle is unique and different. However, those that opposed equal rights among Blacks are pretty much the same ones that oppose gay marriage. That, in turn, says an awful lot. It tells us the path we will take, and ultimately how this will play out. I would like to think that in my lifetime it will no longer matter if you are gay or straight. I just don't know . . .

The bottom line with this post for me is that our country is changing. I think the best thing that could of happened is that Prop 8 in California passed. Now, the debate is rising, law suits are challenging, and ultimately - our country will learn to accept. They don't have to understand, just remember -- all love is divine.



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Now playing: Mika - Any Other World
via FoxyTunes

Big 3 are Gold Diggers

Now the automakers are wanting $34 million to make sure they don't go bankrupt. There's talk of a "car czar" or "committee" to oversee the industry (i.e. FAA). If they need that much now, why are they going to be solvent with a loan. Isn't that what got us to this position in the first place ???? I'm not making money, so get a loan and then that will make it work??? Last time I checked it's a bad, bad idea to take a loan to pay bills when your bills are higher than your income.

Does anyone think they need to rethink/restructure how they do business?? I don't want anyone to lose their jobs, but if the unions and automakers can't reach a deal to stay in business, then I believe Ch 11 and restructuring IS the solution. A loan is like bailing out a flooded oceanliner with a tea spoon.

The Financial Bailout isn't all that hot -- it's losing value daily and the banks are cutting credit limits and keeping money close to the vest. Not saying that's bad, but it didn't do what everyone said it would do - which was open up the credit markets. Now, another industry wants $$. I say get rid of the mgmt teams -- and hire the teams from Hyundai, Kia, Toyota, or Nissan to help them right our ships. They seem to be able to remain profitable in the auto industry despite the global downturn.

Ugh . . . let's just all not pay taxes and then they'll have no money to spend poorly!! :)
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Now playing: Kanye West - Gold Digger
via FoxyTunes

I'm Sorry . . .

Yes, I am shamless enough to put a cute picture of my dog on this blog to make you say "AWWWWWW" . . . I'm that guy.

I wanted to apologize to all of my online friends for disappearing for so long. It seems some patterns in life we can't get rid of . . . for me that is focusing too much on work type stuff and not growing relationships. It seems yet again I've abandoned some friends that were kind, loving, and generally just a great group of people. I am sorry about that. And if I hurt you because of it, that was neither my intent or goal.

I could fill up all this space with why I lost touch, or stop blogging, or whatever (look at the dog again) but in reality, it isn't a good enough reason. So to each of you, I say I'm sorry. I'm here, I've dusted off my keyboard, and am sharing again.

I've missed y'all. And again, it seems, I'm repeating a pattern, of building relationships I once lost . . . but I'm glad to at least do this one :)

Hope this post finds you doing well, and in good spirits. Love to all . . . jj:)

EwwwwwwwWeeeeeeeeeeee!!! It's dusty!!!

I don't even know if anyone is gonna see this. It's been so long since I've last posted that I had to look up my information (of which, my old email is null and void now . . . long, dramatic, and not that worthy of a story) and finally got everything changed.

So, what made me post today?? Well, did you know it was "World AIDS Day?" I know, right! What are you supposed to do on that day . . . I mean, do you run out and have protected sex or something . . . Sarcasm aside (which is quite difficult for me) I attended an interesting service this evening with some of my friends. We went to one of the local Methodist churces where there were leaders of many of the faiths (Methodist, Lutherian, First Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, MCCC) and several guest speakers.

The ceremony itself was quite odd. It started with a prayer, and then the Director of the Topeka AIDS Project (or TAP) got up and started rambling . . . alot. She kept apologizing for saying stuff wrong, and was really just a mess. Then a couple from Kenya got up and spoke about a clinic they are putting together for their country when they graduate with their nursing degrees in a few months. It was quite impressive. The woman (can't find the program to say her name) shared the most interesting thing I've heard that really helped me understand the issue in Africa. Women are inherited, since they are treated as property. In poor Kenya, they don't know what AIDS is (STILL!). So when a husband dies of AIDS, his wife is given to his brother. She is infected, and will infect the brother . . . and so on and so on it goes. They spoke about the cultural shift that needed to take place. Made ya think a bit . . .

Then, a train wreck from Brazil got up and spoke . . . I have no idea what she was talking about but kept saying she was happy Brazil is open minded and she loves Carnival. It was odd to say the least. The only thing I remember about the lady from Brazil was that she sells Mary Kay Cosmetics, and I wasn't really all that impressed by that.

Some local woman got up and bored us with facts and percentages about AIDS in America today, which are important but they are indeed, facts and numbers. Basically, it had already cemented the fact that I will ALWAYS use protection . . . done there. Then a woman got up and shared a deeply personal but albeit awkward story about how she has AIDS. It was odd, but her point was that she felt discrimination for the first time because of her diagnosis, and that all people, even AIDS patients, need respect and love. I applaud the bravery and point, but it was just odd. (Now is a good time to maybe drop that one of my friends is positive and asked me to go with him and his partner. So I did b/c I wanted to show my support.)

Then, the train wreck starts. During the offering a Senior Dharma Teacher gets up and chants and meditates for us. Now, I'm open to different faiths and all, but I didn't know what was happening or what she was saying. That was a bit bizarre. They then read the names of those that had died from AIDS this year . . . supposedly. I say supposedly b/c names such as Easy E, Rock Hudson, Liberache, and The Girl Who Left Early were read. I'm not kidding. When I heard Matthew Sheppard, I just got pissed. I can not believe some idiot put together a list of names like this to be read at an event like this. To add insult to injury, the readers ended up reading all the names TWICE. Oh well . . . Topeka is a small town. I am impressed they held an event like this here since it's not the most open of communities. (Topeka is home to Westboro Baptist Church, and if you don't know it just google it.) No protests or anything . . .

So, my long beleagured point is this . . . if you know, or have known someone infected or affected by AIDS, give 'em a hug. Show them you care and understand. Because even though my town stumbled through a truly bizarre ceremony (I left out the Lesbian drum circle . . . and believe me, there is a TON of material there!!!), they showed their support and let people know they care. I'm even thinking about volunteering there one day a week to help out . . .

I PROMISE I won't wait 7 months for my next post!!!! I promise!!!

Bizzie Bizzie Bizzie

Hey everyone!!! I am sooooooooooo behind in catching up on everyone's blog entries. I have been such a bad blogger friend . . . please forgive me!! I want to catch everyone up on what I've been up to, so here it goes:

The wedding/dj thing was an absolute blast! I haven't seen the pictures yet, but everyone said they loved the music and had a ton of fun. Plus, the groom told me that techno reminds him of strip clubs . . . which was a truly entertaining conversation in itself. It was really neat to be a part of someone's future like that. I'm very glad I did it . . .

I've been trying to cram my head full of web page building knowledge as of late. I've been asked to put together some web pages for some clients (yes, I have clients!!) and I don't know much about the web . . . soooooo I've been dabbling in it. I got an extremely powerful web page builder (Adobe Dreamweaver) and have really had fun learning some html, css stuff, and flash videos. You can see my own personal dabbles at MY new web page -- www.joejoesdesigns.com! What's really cool is that I have my own email too . . . joejoe@joejoesdesigns.com . . . I know, not a big deal to some but pretty damn cool to me! It's still under construction - but the hope is to have samples of designs and images for clients. It's basically a digital portfolio if you will. No, I'm not moving my blog or anything crazy like that . . . just taking the next step in my design dream. As I told one of my friends at work, the worst that happens is that I make a few bucks in a hobby that I enjoy - and the best is that I live out a dream of being an artist/designer type person . . .

Speaking of work . . . it's been really hectic. I actually just finished working the weekend day shift (as most of you know, I usually work week day nights) so I'm a bit out of sorts . . . but I don't have to go to work until Friday so that will all even out . . .

I hope to get around and visit everyone's pages . . . in the next day or so -- so take care until then! Much love . . .

I'm still here!

Hey everyone!! I'm still around and kickin' . . . just been a bit caught up in some stuff. I need to blog soooooooo bad . . . but am a bit behind.

So -- this is just a blog holder -- take care all!

Am I THAT guy??

Wow, I am just uber-yuppie today! Here I am, having a mint chocolate frappucino at starbucks(side note -- 2 die 4) working wirelessly on my laptop (finished and emailed a presentation to work) and coordinating a chat/gossip session on my phone with gal pal Gracie. The only thing better would be if I was actually dressed in all black and in Seattle. Did I mention I now have a canvas "messenger bag" (aka my murse)?

Damn, when did this happen?? When did I become so techie? My redneck card has just been revoked . . . and now I'm worried I might lose my accent! Ugh! The horror! I'm too fond of the word y'all and love everything deep fried -- I can't lose my roots now!

Sheesh . . . I have no idea what I'm gonna do about all this business. Who knew that I'd become so uppity in of all places Topeka-f'n-Kansas . . . hmmmmm . . .

Well - not much going on today. I did get a free day off (hence the blog from Starbucks) b/c yours truly has a presentation to give tomorrow morning to the regional VP that's coming in from HQ (it pays to work nights). ICK! I hate dress up and politics . . . but hey -- it pays the bills. Let's just hope I don't sleep thru the alarm -- that would be bad! ;)

Well -- I'm gonna get off of here before I suddenly decide to change my name to Thad, give up driving to save the environment, and vote for whomever the Green Party candidate is as a protest. (I shudder to even think of it). Take care all!

Invited to Join the "IN" Crowd

So, last weekend, after the week from . . . well . . . you know where . . . I was able to resume my rituals of taking Ragan to the Bark Park -- where we both get some exercise and some relaxing sun and fun.

As I do every weekend, we get in the car and head to Gage Park in Topeka, where the Bark Park is located. Everytime I go, there is this group of individuals that cluster and talk while their dogs run around.

Now, not being an overly social creature, I went off to a section of the park where I can throw the frisbee about and Ragan can run around. See -- he gets a bit possessive of his frisbee. He doesn't like to share it . . . at all. He'll pick it up and growl and bark while holding the frisbee and run from other dogs. Anyway - not the point tonight . . .

I usually focus on the pup, and the occasional dog runs up and I pet them. Or the occasional person says hello and I say hi back. But last weekend, the group was a bit infatuated with the running frisbee catching dog. (Yeah, he's talented. I'm not just making it up.) I get the "Wanna come join??"

Dang it! I have to be nice! I really didn't because I didn't know them (yes, I'm aware I have a social anxiety thing . . . it's why I'm at the park!) but I did. They were very pleasant and nice. Mentioned how pretty Ragan is, wanted to know how I taught him to catch a frisbee out of midair . . . this and that, small talk, jibber jabber.

Now, by this time I've noticed a particular owner with a Latin flavor that is SMOKIN hot! He has an Irish Setter named Chico . . . and I'm not sure if he was really shy, or gay. He did keep bending over tying his shoe and petting the small dogs right in front of me, and I can verify he was wearing Hanes boxer briefs . . . hmmmmm . . . I had on the JLo glasses, so the glances were very incognito.

Which brings me to my point . . . I don't know any of their names! I'm not sure they know each other's names. I know Chico's owner, Baby's owner, Spikey's owner, etc. etc. Weird huh?? I wonder if this is some form of secret code where if I'm liked enough, I get to learn their real names . . . :)

They were nice, and I do need to get out more and be social . . . so hey . . . it's a start!

Can you pass the Salt? My wound doesn't hurt . . .

Just a quick lil' add on to my post yesterday --

Thursday -- had to run 2 departments solo at work, oh yeah - there was a tornado . . . (not a joke!) We did get lucky in that our bldg and area was okay, but just a mile south of us there was some pretty big hail and damage . . . so maybe my luck is turning???

I Just Fired My Psychic

My weekly horoscope: You will be centered and at peace this week. Use this time to reflect and chart a new course in life. Reconnect with your true self.

Ever have one of those weeks . . . you know, one that makes you pine for the peacful and happier times of your unfortunate incarceration in an ultra maximum security prison for that silly little murder spree you went on . . . I'm in the middle of one right now!

I can't even embellish this story to make it better . . . it's already over the top -- Here's my week up to this point . . .

Monday --
While in the shower getting ready for my volunteer duties (shoot me now, b/c teaching 2 classes of third graders is NOT my idea of enjoyment) the gas company shuts my gas off. Oops! It was supposed to be the house 2 doors down (3212) and instead they did mine (3202). As I'm leaving for the day, I notice an orange tag on my door. Hmmm . . . so I think "Let me call them and inform them of their silly little mistake" . . . no big deal right? Gas company's response "we can have someone out there on Thursday . . . "

Now, as I've informed Thom (and others if you read my comments on his blog, link in the side bar) It takes a lot for me to hit bitch mode . . . this definitely got the engine warming up . . . After a rather tense but polite conversation, they will come turn my gas on Tuesday morning. No big deal since I've already showered and I can wait until Tues morning for my next shower.

The kids were well behaved, and the rest of the day was peaceful. No worries . . . . right?

Tuesday --
Gas man calls at 8:45am and informs me he can't come until noon, b/c he has a flat tire. WTF???? 3 hrs for a damn flat? I call the gas company to see if they could send another person out today since I'll can't wait until noon for the gas man due to volunteer (let's call it volun-told) activity. They say they can have someone out on Thursday . . . Wake me up before alarm + give me bad news + stupid excuse that doesn't make sense = FULL ON BITCH MODE!!!

After making several call center employees cry and contemplate suicide I finally get their manager on the phone. I explain to Sally Stupidbitch that unlike the customer who was supposed to have their gas shut off, I'm paying my bills . . . and therefore her salary. I then inform her that I'm not enthused about taking an ice cold shower (it was 37 degrees!) for 2 days. Finally, I informed her that if someone didn't appear by Wed morning (keep in mind it's 10 and I have to go do my voluntold activity now) that she would have one pissed off fag having a bad hair day in her lobby wanting blood and the sacrifice of everyone's first born child in the building to appease him. (You think that's a joke but it's a direct quote . . . they probably were recording my conversation at this point for training purposes, so I wanted to give 'em something to teach.) Gas man cometh Wednesday.

Head to voluntold activity and the brats were a bit rambunxious (sp?). Several times I had to tell the classes to listen, and the teachers in both classes had to help some of the problem kids share and work in their small groups.

Notice I haven't mentioned work yet . . .

Wednesday --
Gas man comes and is scared to even talk to me (love it when my reputation proceeds me). He was here exactly when I told them I wanted and the gas was turned back on. Things looking up, right?

The little hellians were out of control today. They barely kept their asses in the seats and several kids got into full blown yelling matches. Seven students recieved what are called "red cards" for poor behavior and 2 kids were put in time out at the principal's. I think someone slipped 'em something before I showed up. I got to the point several times where I just wanted to leave. So glad I'm voluntolding . . .

Get to work and have 2 meetings that were fairly productive. Things are rolling right along UNTIL I get a call from a supervisor in another department. True story --> 2 days ago she got bit by her cat. While the wound swelled up and appeared to be infected, she thought no big deal. Now, she has red streaks down her forearm to her elbow radiating from the wound, and she can't feel her arm. Her hand is throbbing in pain and so swollen she can't wear a watch. She goes to the hospital and guess who is now covering her department??

We also suddenly discover that the person in charge of ordering supplies for our department kinda of forgot to do it last weekend, and we're now out of stuff in my department. So, my dept. can't perform their jobs, and I have no clue what was supposed to be going on in the other dept. Then I get a call from this supervisor (she's okay so I can be mad about it now) saying she can't work the rest of the week, and I need to cover her dept per her boss. REALLY??? Smal problem -- who the F is gonna cover mine???

So, after handling the supply fiasco so something can happen for the rest of the week in my dept, figuring out what the hell happened in another dept and communicating that to the day shift, cancelling my voluntold activities for the rest of the week due to coverage issues at work (okay, that was a positive), it's now 4am and I've been up since 9am . . . time to go home!

Thursday --
About to get in the shower . . . can't wait to see the excitement today as everything continues to build . . .

Now hiring: Psychic

No Means No . . . Sort of

What in the world is wrong with me?? I tell people "no" all the time at work, with little regard to how they will feel about it. (I am nice about it - but it is my job to make the calls) So, how come in my personal life I get roped into some pretty stupid shizzle??

Let's examine the latest adventure Joe Joe is on . . . I'm going to be DJ'ing at a wedding -- a STRAIGHT wedding in ARKANSAS!!! Hmmmm, this is going to be interesting. I'm pretty sure the hillbillies aren't gonna wanna hear Mariah or some techno . . . I'm sure I can leave the glow sticks and whistle at home.

Here's the setup -- My now former boss (who was an awesome boss - already miss him!) asked me if I'd do a favor for him. I said sure - what is it? He goes "Would you DJ at my daughter's wedding? I know can ham it up on the microphone." Now, his one bad trait is that he doesn't really let you respond . . . he pretty much assumes whatever he's asking you will happen. So, I say "Well, I don't really think I have a lot of music that she or your family would really like." Back to him "Well -- that's okay -- it's for his family in Arkansas . . . we're doing a more formal thing here later." Oh me . . . well -- here goes anyway . . . Can't say I won't have a story to relay on this one.

So goes my life sometimes . . . I just can't say no. Another example is I'm volunteering all next week to teach 3rd graders about cities (it's for Junior Achievement). Um . . . I don't like kids. Especially those that I'm not related to . . . and I'm voluntarily going to enter 2 classrooms full of them and spend 45 minutes trying to teach them something. My skin is crawling thinking about it!!!

Some might say it's an adventurous side . . . others the need to please people. I just say . . . I'm too dang nice sometimes . . . oh well. At least I'm getting a lot of music out of the deal . . . thank goodness for my portable 230 gig hard drive!

BTW -- if you haven't heard Josh Turner . . . you need to! His voice is DAMN SEXY!

Notes from an International Designer

Hope everyone is doing well this Saturday! I'm already getting the "Daddy let's go play frisbee" stare and sulk from you-know-who . . . so you know what my plans are in a bit! Just a couple of notes before I head off to relax at the park.

Guess what! I'm an international designer!!!! My original designs have sold in Canada and I have fans on 3 continents! How exciting is that?? Which design went international?? Well, that should be easy to guess -- if not then you're a HOT MESS! (I wonder if Canadians will add an 'Eh' in the front of that . . .) It's only a matter of time before people are clammoring for my work . . . (well in my head at least!)

My yard guys went out of business! I don't own a mower or anything (b/c I hate mowing and kill all living plants when I try and take care of them!) -- and my grass is OOC! (out of control btw) I'm gonna have to call around on Monday for prices for a new yard group -- or maybe find a hot boyfriend who likes to do yard work! ;)

I'm STILL diggin' Mariah's new CD. I don't think her new single was the right one to release though . . . can you say cheezy? The single is "Bye Bye" and it's a sweet song about the loss of her grandmother - but she just goes overboard on the shmaltziness to make it tie to everyone. The tracks to hear on this CD are "I'm That Chick" (my new theme song), "Cruise Control", and "Stay in Love." And I stumbled across some kickin' club mixes to "Touch My Body" on iTunes that rock.

Oh -- and did you notice I shaved???

Later -- off to the Bark Park . . .

Announcing the Grand Opening of Joe Joe's Designs

So - in all the reading I've done on being a graphic artist - well - it's all about self promotion and getting yourself out there. Not something I usually like doing . . . but since it's the beginning of pursuing a dream, here goes.

I've put three graphic designs out for sell at http://www.zazzle.com/joeaggie97 -- or if you want you can check the widget at the bottom. I finished up 2 other designs along with the "Se levanto blanco" design, you can get them as a canvas print, poster, coffee mug, mouse pad, and even stamps! It's a home office collection :)

Also -- some of my favorite sayings are designed and on t-shirts and magnets for fun as well. There will be more to come I'm sure, but this will start it off. I'm not really worried if I sell anything - although it would be cool to be the next suave designer for the world to clamour over. It's more of a chance to just share my creativity with the world.

Hey -- if rock stars can be designers -- well so can a shift supervisor in Topeka! BTW -- you can upload your own stuff to zazzle and sell it too . . . they're a partner with flickr. Alright -- the design world is fun - but I gotta go clean the bathroom.

Se levanto blanco

The past 10 years of my life have been a lot like unraveling the worlds largest ball of twine. I think back to those years after I graduated from A&M, and I felt numb.

I remember the world moving past me, and it was as if I was watching thru a television screen. That point in my life, I was merely a marionette with strings.

Without all the rehash, the twine is almost completely unravelled. I've begun to learn to be happy in my skin, with who I am, and what I am to become. And what do I want to be . . . well -- I want to be a digital artist. I am looking to start taking some type of graphic design or web design type classes in the fall -- and also probably delve even deeper into digital image manipulation. I can't draw, not very good at coloring in the lines, but I have these images in my head. And, well, the computer allows me to create that image.

So, I unleash upon the world my first true digital art -- Se levanto blanco (white rose). Below is the original image I took while at the Botanical Gardens in Ft. Worth.

Let me know what you think!

By George! I think he's got it!

If you've been paying attention over the past week or so, I've been playing with headers, colors, layouts, pictures, fonts . . . etc. etc.

Well, this is the look I was going for. I like this layout, with these colors, all underneath this gorgeous tree. It just looks like a warm spring afternoon . . . where Ragan would be playing in the park and me sitting under a tree sipping a water and enjoying the sun (with LOTS of sunscreen on).

When you get something new, you gotta take it for a test drive. Cars, computers, boyfriends . . . so blog sites make sense too. Gotta get inside and see how it works. Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend . . . I have two big brown eyes begging me to go play frisbee . . . so I'm out. Later!

10 Quickies

1. I'm in love with Mariah's new CD, E=MC2!!!!
2. I need to vaccuum . . . and why does that word have double "u's"?
3. Encourage me to invest my refund, not spend it! I am such a spender . . .
4. MMMMMM . . . french fries
5. Texas is calling me back home . . . might have to answer that one.
6. Yay! Hair appointment Tuesday!!
7. Diggin' the new blog site.
8. Is it me or is "McSteamy" from Grey's uber hot! You know he was in "Charmed" . . .
9. I wish men would stop shaving their chest hair -- chest hair is hot!
10. Ick! Gotta get ready for work now . . . ugh!

Adulthood is for the birds!

Who in the hell wants to be an adult? Remember when we thought it was all about getting whatever we wanted, having lots of money, and not having to listen to anyone?? Boy, were we wrong. I don't get what I want, I don't have lots of money, and I STILL have to listen to people (or at least pretend to). Somehow, I think I've been hornswaggled.

What's bringing on this sudden wanting to be young again?? No, it's not the 10 inch grey hair I found a few weeks ago . . . nor was it my birthday last week . . . it was my taxes. Yes, that's right, I waited until 11:49 PM on 4/14 to file my taxes. I didn't wait until the last minute to file my taxes, but pretty darn close.

And here's the kicker of the situation . . . I'm getting a refund back. I've never had to pay (because I don't claim enough) so it's not like I was worried. I just didn't want to do it! It's just so dang silly to me. I have to buy a computer program (b/c I'm not about to do it myself) to figure out what I can deduct, what I can claim, what I can write off . . . all to whittle it down to the smallest amount I can. It's a shell game really . . . and not a very fun one.

Also playing into this is my having to go back to work. I had the last week off, and I went to Texas to visit the family. Had a blast - and found some old photos and started capturing them digitally. It was so nice to wake up and not have to do anything. I went to the Ft. Worth Zoo, the Botanical Gardens of Ft. Worth, watched my nephew play baseball, visited relatives, so on and so on and so on. It was a blast!

I'm ready to move back home, go to school, play games, and go to bed early. I want snack time, nap time, sleep overs, and my teddy bear. Look at how cute I was when I was 4 . . . I got whatever I wanted, never needed any money, and didn't have to listen . . . I had a good thing going. Why did I keep getting older . . . that was soooooo stupid of me! And that t-shirt I'm wearing is super cool!

Oh well . . . I guess that's what I get for wantin' to be a big boy . . .

Blogger?

Well, here I am ready to forage ahead on new territory. Well, not so new really. I had a blogger site once, about 4 years ago . . . wrote 1 thing in it . . . yeah -- I was dedicated.

So, why come back? Why here? Why now? Why do I like French Fries so much?

I don't know really . . . maybe it's because I don't want to lose all contact with some friends that really made me laugh, touched my heart, or inspired me to do more than just one little entry on my blog. I've been keeping 2 blogs going for awhile now . . . 360 and Multiply . . . and well -- let's be real -- both sites are really on my nerves.

360 is glitchy and Mulitply is forced . . .

So -- maybe it's back to writing . . . back to basics . . . switching to tater tots . . . we'll see.

More to come . . . I hope ;)

Don't Let a Cat Sneeze on Your Face

I thought my candidacy needed an animal to represent me, just like the big ol' GOP has a fat elephant and the democrats have an ass. My puppy does a remarkably good job, dontchu think?

Well, although the Democratic race has been nothing short of an absolute nightmare, and the Republican nominee is pandering to the crazy right -- there has been plenty of fodder for the more than ample coverage of the drama unfolding about whozits and saidzits. Now, not that the press hasn't hounded yours truly for input and digging thru my past for some dirt (I promised I'd let the news journalist out of my basement once the election is over and I win. Maybe . . . he looks an awful lot like Anderson Cooper . . .) but I've been able to stay above the fray. How is that you ask?? By following some very sound advice.

I'm a simple man, really. I believe that running for office is also simple -- as I've been able to do it with class and dignity. So, I'm going to offer my peers some really good advice to help clean up their acts.

First, to Miss Hillry I offer this bit of advice -- Get off the cross, it belongs to Jesus. See, Hil, hon . . . you have GOT to stop playing the victim. We get it . . . you're a woman (well, at least biologically). There is absolutely no reason for you to continue to remind us that you are when you speak. Yes, it's going to be historic whomever gets the nomination -- but stop with the "I'm a minority too" add on you keep throwing out there. We're looking for a commander in chief and leader of our nation, not a "Yeah, and what he said!" retorts. Martyrs are only worshipped because they're killed -- and last I checked there isn't a butt load of Jews and Romans wanting to nail you to a board . . . in fact I don't think there's a man alive that wants to nail you right now. That's okay though . . . you live in Washington so there's a ton of dildos there.

On to Johnny boy, I offer this pearl of wisdom -- Your karaoke, bad. Your chance of winning, worse. I'm not sure what was going thru your head when you decided to rwrite the lyrics to a classic Beach Boys song and serenade a room full of war mongerers on bombing Iran, but honey -- you were sooooo off key! If that performance would have been on Idol, Randy would have sucked air in thru his teeth and told you "Dawg, that didn't really do it for me. Paula would have commented on how cute you looked tonight (which we ALL know means it sucked - Paula just is trying to find something to say nice). Simon would have said it was "Dreadful." You didn't win the Republican nomination because you are the best - you won it because everyone knows that because of 8 years of "W" a money would beat a GOP candidate. So, you are your party's Sanjeya --- the clue should have been that your biggest challenge came from a Mormon. Like someone who believes that American Indians are really lost Jewish tribes from ancient Israel is a viable candidate in national politics. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight! Look at the bright side -- you can be the next Al Gore and wander around talking about how you know everything.

Finally, to Barack, who right now needs it the most, I offer this personal advice - Don't sneeze with a cat on your face. Really -- no lie -- this just happened to me. And it hurts like the dickens too! I have 4 scratches by my left eye and two on my chin. What's that?? You don't think you've done the same thing?? Reeeeeeeeally? Your squeaky clean image has been marred by the revelation (and luke warm defense of) the controversial Rev. Wright. Honey, please . . . don't feed into your competitions' hands by lying about it. That's like me saying the scratches on my face were from a bar fight (well not exactly - some queen has tried to scratch my eyes out before). The point is you can't have someone that close to you that is that inflammatory and then be all shocked when you get hurt by that contact. Kinda like I can't really be that pissed that I let my cat snuggle against my face and then when I sneezed, I got scratched. Don't worry hon, a little neosporin on those wounds of yours and it'll heal right up.

Well, now that I've done my good deed for the month . . . I need to go feed that journalist, I mean pet.

(This message has been approved by Joe Joe for the Joe Joe for President 2008, Treasurer needed)

Not for the Faint of Heart

I didn't want to go . . . I really, really didn't! But, I was quested . . . I had to make the trip. So, into my chariot I went and headed towards the goliath structure that houses the most evil of empires. What was in that behomoth of concrete was the only thing that could save my ailing son.

I stepped onto the cold, dead, hard earth, and the wind began to howl. The temperature in the air was frigid, as Jack Frost himself was trying to chill me to the bone. I braved the gale force winds . . . and I could feel them watching. Watching every move. Their spies were probably aware of my coming before I made it to the gates.

Using the cloak of night, I evaded their guards and slipped into the gates, the dredge moving inside was more worse than imaginable. I heathen woman glared at me as I made my way past her space, her dark, laborious breathe sullied the very air around me. I braved on, to find the solvent needed to relieve the strain on my dear son.

Naturally, the goal of this journey was heavily guarded by several burly, ogre-like creatures. Their dead eyes and dull minds led to the conclusion that by stealth, not force, would get me to my goal. Finally, to actually hold the cure -- to feel it's power -- was overwhelming. Yes! I have it! I have it! I have dog food to take home to Ragan!!! Damn I hate going into Wally World late at night . . . ;)

Fall of Heroes

Today, I wasn't feeling well, so I took off from work a few hours early. As I drove home, which is my custom to keep me from getting too tired, I listened to sports radio. I enjoy listening to the 3rd Shift on Fox Sports Radio because they are both entertaining and somewhat informative.

Since I had left early, I wasn't listening to them, but rather another program on that station. The callers were calling in and upset about the Clements hearing tomorrow in D.C. Now, don't get me started on that whole issue, let's stick with this. People were calling in saying how McNamee (sp might be wrong) was just an awful person because he wasn't loyal to Roger Clements. How dare he turn on Roger and tell that he took HGH, steroids, or whatever he shot in his ass.

The point isn't whether he did or didn't, because honestly I don't care. I don't care what any of them did. I just don't anymore . . . it's so disgraceful.

• Disgraceful that owners and GM's allowed players to inject themselves and turn a blind eye
• Disgraceful that the player's union worried about individual achievement instead of the players as a whole
• Disgraceful that for untold years, reporters, broadcasters, and fans turned blind eyes to what was going on in front of them
• All of it is disgraceful . . . all of it

However, the thing that disappoints me more is how people are outraged about the lack of loyalty the trainer had INSTEAD of the apparent lack of integrity among all these players! They put their goals, their desires, everything they wanted above the goals of their team. Playing sports since I was in second grade until I graduated HS, I can tell you I was NEVER taught that!

Then, there was conversaton on the radio about him being under oath. When did you have to be under oath to tell the truth?? Everyone was saying he shouldn't tell the truth unless they put him under oath!!! Are you kidding me??? What happened to honor? What happened to owning up to your mistakes. INTEGRITY is something that all people, of all walks of life, need a new lesson in.

The crux of the situation is that these so called sports heroes have put themselves above all others. They wanted to break the records, be the best. And in their drive to be stars, they were blinded by the fame. This isn't isolated to baseball. There are 'me' people all throughout professional sports. Free agency has a lot to do with this, as do commercial deals. It's sad really, that kids will no longer have the heroes I had growing up. Basically, it's come to this --

Congress: "What did he inject in your butt?"

Clements: "B12! I swear! And kids -- remember to play fair!"

What message are we sending our younger generations?? I'm soooooo glad I will never have kids!

A Longing

I've avoided this for awhile . . . but I've been a bit blue lately. Oh, I can feign amusement at work, or enjoy myself with friends, but it's time to admit what's bothering me. I have no one to touch me. (Not like that! Well -- like that but not!)

Seriously -- I miss a lovers touch. I can't remember the last time someone touched my bare shoulder, kissed my neck, twirled my hair, or just leaned up against me. Being alone is easy in so many ways -- make my own decisions, do what I want, get up whenever, buy whatever, do whatever . . . but I'd give it all up for someone to touch me. I long to feel alive, wanted, and loved. I know . . . just a bit lonely on a day when I should just get some sleep -- but it's keepin' me up. I'm hoping by dumping it all here it will get it off my mind. I do tend to bottle things up . . . ;)

"Hold my Hand"

~

Put your hand in mine.

Walk with me, follow me.

Be with me, don't let go.

Please, hold my hand.

~

I walked with you in the morning mist.

Your hair surrounded that angelic face.

You held my hand close to your heart.

We were one, walking down the beach.

The rising sun shimmering in the distance,

Our love radiating from with in our hearts.

And you held my hand . . .

~

I walked with you at noon.

With the sun high in the sky.

I never noticed those cold blue eyes.

I never noticed that cold heart.

You held my hand, with an icy grip.

The tenderness was gone,

But you held my hand . . .

~

I walk alone in the evening.

No one to bother me, no one to cause me pain.

I don't miss walking with you,

for you only wanted to walk by yourself.

I was not loved, not wanted.

The agony continues to build,

the sun setting in the west.

And no one held my hand . . .

Sleepy Saturday Scintillating Synopsis

I think I'm awake -- although I'm not sure. This week went from normal to maximum-stressolocity in about 1 day. I think last night you could have powered the state of Delaware with the elevated heart beats of the 6 of us. Those that have worked in retail or mfg and have to do an inventory can definitely relate . . . those that haven't -- I will now hate you for the next 45 seconds.

So, as I sit here in my dream-wake state, I thought I'd go back and check my windows from the previous post. I hadn't written much that was "real Joe Joe" in a long time, and I thought this would help stir some thoughts. It's very interesting the response and what comments I got. My philosophy behind doing this is simple ~ I know who I am, but I was curious as to what others perceive me as. Kind of a reality check to see if the image in the mirror is truly there. I got some interesting results.

We'll start with the Nohari window, so I can end on a positive note . . . My selections in the Nohari were: insecure, unhappy, cynical, overdramatic, needy, and impatient. Now, everyone feels I'm insecure -- and I am. I question all that I do. I think that people are upset with me when they aren't. My mind takes things in 14 million negative directions. I know why, but that's not important. What's important is that I've still got a long way to go to work on not being so insecure. Don't know if that'll ever go away, but being aware of it can help me change some behaviors around that.

I never thought of myself as timid, but 4 outta 5 people think I am. I've always thought of myself as stepping up and taking challenges head on. The truth, however, is that I only do that in work. In my personal life -- I hide. I have an excuse for almost everything. I can tell you in paragraph form why I don't take risks or "put myself out there." I am timid. Knowing that will help me. No selected inpatient or needy for me -- which is good. I am both of these, but I have been able to somewhat control those impulses -- and getting confirmation of that is nice.

So -- the Johari window was a bit more diverse. The only thing most everyone could agree upon was that I'm witty. Whatdayaknow?? I'm witty, I'm pretty, and I'm gay! (I just had to) I love a good jab, or a funny line, or making a comment that draws a "you bitch!" response and giggles . . . makes my day. Gotta keep everyone on their toes! ;)

At least 3 people also found me silly & loving (which I agreed with) and giving & searching (which I did not select). I never thought about searching, but I am. I'm searching for happiness, for love -- for myself really. It's been a journey that was long overdue in starting. Like D always says -- Denial is not just a river in Egypt! ;) No one selected sentimental or trustworthy. One thing y'all need to know 'bout me is that I am a BIG ol' romantic! If someone sent me flowers at work or did a cutesy thing for me -- I'd probably just turn to mush. I'd save something from the experience and scrapbook it to show everyone!! (don't laugh!!)

So, what was the point of all this?? Not much really -- just wanted to know what my buds thought of me. And you know what?? I feel very lucky to have a group of peeps that are honest enough to tell me what they think, and care enough to discover who I am.

I think it's official -- I'm awake . . . so I'm gonna go take a nap! ;)