Monday, May 25, 2009

Watching the Clouds Grow

Along he came, walking slowly by.
A boy I once knew.
It was a time long ago, an innocence so pure.
Down his gaze, away from the world.
He plodded steadily along,
A heavy heart, a searching soul.
He missed the little joys of childhood,
So simple, so good.
There I sat, on the bench in the path.
Too shy to inquire – I let him walk through.
There I sat, quietly, watching the clouds as they grew.

Along he came, quickly moving.
A young man I once knew.
It was a time not so distant, yet not so near.
Focused in books, focused on goals.
He darted quickly to his destination,
Not absorbing the life around.
Too myopic, too blinded.
There I sat, on the bench in the path.
Too slow to interrupt, I let him walk through.
There I sat, quietly, watching the clouds as they grew.

Along he came, wandering and lost.
A man I once knew.
Seems just the other day, yet a lifetime away.
No direction, no meaning, just breathing.
He meandered along the path,
Stains of pain and sorrow on his face.
He gazed at me, and instantly I knew.
There we sat, quietly, watching the clouds as they grew.

He turned to me, with a soft glance,
And spoke in a voice so familiar and true.
What is the point? Why do you never move?
I thought, and thought, until at once I knew.
Touched with a wisdom so few ever could,
I said bittersweetly, “I’ve been waiting for you.
I watch the clouds, my soul waiting to see;
When will you finally come to meet me?”

“I’ve sat here for years, watching you walk on by.
Quiet, patient, knowing deep inside.
I knew the time would arrive, when you would see
That life holds more than you were to believe.
Your heart now healed, your gaze searching,
Your soul sat here alone and waiting.
It’s time, my friend, to no longer dawdle,
For inside, you’re ready, for all that life offers.”

Along he came, confident and sure.
A man I know and love.
Tomorrow has come, illuminating the possibilities.
With patience and perseverance he glides along,
Every turn an adventure, a lesson, a friend.
He pauses at the bench in the path where we met,
A smile, a tear, and down the path he went….
No one sat to watch, for there were no more clouds that grew.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

EZ Weight Loss my Arse!

Okay - so I'm about sick of all the easy weightloss plugs that are out there today. Yes kids, it's been awhile, but here's a rant for ya . . .

First of all -- If I have to see the Nutrisystem ad one more time I'm gonna scream. Read the small print -- "results not typical". My problem with that is that they even put that up when Dan Marino talks - and he only lost 22lbs!!!! What kind of program are you trying to sell if the results are not typical that you can't even guarantee someone losing 20 freaking lbs! What a crock!

Then -- there's this new ad thing I keep seeing on facebook for something called "the pink patch". A--I'm assuming it's for women only. And B--putting a patch on your belly isn't going to make you look like the models that are photographed on the ad. I mean seriously . . . if a damn patch was all that was required then wouldn't we all be walkin' around with it??

Don't even get me started on this goober trying to push "The Fat Switch" crap on people. His claim is that he lost over 200 lbs without strenuous exercise and ate all and whatever he wanted and it just melted away . . . Really?? A Fat Switch?? How about I bring my Snake Oil Salesmen meter around you and see if it goes off or not . . . What do ya know -- it does!

There's only 2 things you can do to lose weight and keep it off -- eat less and exercise. And yes, the exercise will make you tired and your muscles sore . . . but it feeeeeeeeeeeeels soooooooooo gooooooooood . . . yeah, I'm kind of addicted to it now. I just needed to rant about this b/c I'm starting to see these ads next to my blog on fb b/c of it's topics, and it ticks me off. There are tools and (obviously) procedures that can help you eat less, but you still gotta work out! Okay . . . back to normal now . . .

Oh -- and I'm totally sportin' the 60 lbs shoes today!!! That's right kids . . . 60 lbs and loving it!

Monday, May 18, 2009

Love Hurts - Musically

Okay - so I have a burning question that needs to be answered . . . is it morbid that most of my favorite love songs aren't positive happy tunes?? I mean - what is that all about??

Here's the deal -- I'm working on putting together a pre-reception playlist for Gracie's wedding in October (yeah, I am a bit ahead, but I am kind of a planner). So - I'm sifting through all the songs I have, and I've realized that all of my faves - for the most part - are more about heartache than love.

I know why this is - but it still catches me off guard. Obviously, we are all more drawn to music that touches are souls or that we can relate to. Yes (insert tragic violin music) I can identify more with the pain of love than the joy of it. Kinda bites!

Please, no "it'll be alright" type comments. I'm not down about it and I'll meet the right guy some day. I'm sure he'll be buff, smart, rich, and want to tour Europe for a month too -- but that's not what this is about. It's just about identifying with music. I just found it odd that my favorite love songs are not so "lovey" -- which is making it a bit of a challenge in filling the playlist. Please feel free to suggest any . . . I'm open!

Oh - for the curious - here are my favorite love songs:
  • "Patience" by Take That - about not rushing into love because my heart is still healing from a broken heart
  • "Come Back to Me" by David Cook - a rocker version of the I'll let you go and see if you will come back
  • "The Rose" by Bette Midler - not totally negative, but not totally positive either . . .
  • "Yesterday" by Leona Lewis - not that I don't love "Bleeding Love," b/c I do, but this is much less played and just as beautiful. Basically the future can be taken away, but I can remember the past.
  • "I Stay in Love" by Mariah Carey - can not get this song out of my head! About staying in love with someone that treats you like crap . . . morbid I know!
  • "One Night" by The Corrs - about just getting one night for the person you love
  • "I Can't Make You Love Me" by Bonnie Raitt - didn't know that Bruce Hornsby plays piano/keyboard on this 'til the other day
  • "Can't Stop Loving You" by Phil Collins - still in love with the person that's leaving you
  • "Melt Away" by Mariah Carey - a positive one!! There's hope!! Grace says it reminds her of middle school though (b/c she IS that young! I hate her!!) I want to dance with someone to this song . . .

Anyway . . . I heart Love songs . . . just tend to lean to the heartache ones right now . . . but one day I hope to lean towards the other :)

Peace out for now! jj:)

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

My Candle

I blew it out.

Smoke billowing lazily
from the glowing wick
that once held
the flame of my hope,
my dreams,
my faith.

Yet it was not dark.

The oozing wax down the shaft
slowly hardened
as the heat
dissapated from my heart,
my soul,
my belief.

I could still see.

I see You standing there
holding a candle
with a flame
so bright that it energizes my being,
my desire,
my love.

I turn to look at You.

I suddenly see that
while I extinguished my candle,
it was not my light.
It was not my soul.
it was Yours.

A tear rolls down my cheek.

Beside me you were there
to light the way
when I was to blind to see
the path laid
in front
of me.

I light my candle for others to see
the joy You bring me . . .

Monday, May 4, 2009

Day 66: 8 inches and 51 pounds

I'm FIFTY and LOVING IT!!! I just had to put a pic of the great Molly Shannon as the incomprable Sally O'Malley for this post - b/c I thought it was rather fitting.

So, the entire weekend I struggled with what to blog. Seems many have given up their blogs or have focused on, well, life -- but for me the journaling has and must continue. It's a way to capture the emotion, capture the feeling of this journey. AND it's now a tool to help motivate others that are walking the same path as I am. Two people that I know of are getting LapBands and have been following my adventures to see what they are getting into. So -- I also kind of fill an obligation, in a good way, to update my milestones.

So - this week was interesting. I had what initially was diagnosed as a belly button hernia, then an abdominal wall strain, to finally a sub-dermal infection. The last one proved to be correct, as the antibiotics cleared up the issue. They aren't positive how it happened, but think it could have been related to my last fill - where the doc had some issues finding my port and left me with a bruise. Anyway . . . not the real point.

There seems to be a million things that are different about my life in such a short time, that it's hard to capture them all. Below is a list of things that I now do that I didn't before the surgery - it kind of catches me off guard at how much I let life slip by me before, and I'm determined not to do that anymore. So, without further ado - the list of how things change after your first 50 pounds . . .

  1. I work out almost every single day. Usually walking at least a mile on the treadmill and some light weights.

  2. I attend church on a regular basis. MCC Topeka has become my church home, and I'm truly thankful for being so welcomed there. I even volunteered to help with this year's pride picnic -- that ought to be an adventure in itself!

  3. I wake up every day between 9:30 and 10am. I hate it sometimes b/c it's so dang early, but I look at it as I've slept a lot in the past, so now I'm making up for all that.

  4. Yard work -- seriously! I haven't done any yardwork in over 2 years -- that's not a lie. Today, I spent 4 hrs cutting back everything in my yard I can get to -- and now I don't know what to do with all the limbs . . . oy! Good problem to have though -- the yard looks about a million times better.

  5. Read food product labels -- I can't believe this one. I literally won't buy a soup that's over 300 calories/can and you get less calories from jello brand fruit in jello than you do in dole fruit in gel -- put that in your pipe and smoke it. (plus pear w/pomegranate jello is to die for!)

  6. Am excited about my career - the one I'm going to school for! Where I work has been wonderful for me, but it's not my calling. Helping others is and I'm looking forward to tackling it, both the good and bad.

  7. Cooking -- I never cooked. I just swung by and got whatever was premaid or in the drive thru . . . gee! No wonder I topped out at 465 . . . Now I grill fish almost every day and really don't eat much beef at all.

  8. Drink water -- a lot of water. I drink close to 64oz of water every day now - no pop will do that to you. My skin is better, I feel better and more energized, and I'm hydrated!

  9. I get cold. Not something I'm used to experiencing - but now I am. I am no longer hot or sweaty all the time - and a big part of this I know is the exercise and eating right. It's great to be comfortable like everyone else.

  10. I have hair growing back! Okay, not on my head, but on my legs, my eyebrows, my face (grows much faster now), and even my belly. I used to be pretty furry, but my body couldn't keep up with everything. Now that I am losing weight and eating right, it's starting to function like normal again . . . WOO HOO!

Like I tell everyone - this has truly changed my life - and I am willing to share it with anyone that wants to know. Much love to everybody!! Below are pics of my handiwork . . . :)