www.dating.com

My computer!!  Sort of :)

So – it’s 2011 and there’s this handy little thing called an internet. It can help you find all kinds of things you never thought you needed – like superhero underwear, white watches, Disney branded gifts, even a pink A&M one-sie for your niece. It’s also makes finding things you need a lot easier – like a pizza for a party, scores from the latest basketball game (VCU?? Seriously??), hotel rooms in other states (NOLA! SD!), and yes – even a date.


That’s right kiddos – online dating is out there. You’ve seen the ads, from eHarmony, match.com, cupid.com, plentyofish.com (thx Gaga & Brit!), etc., etc. There’s even iPhone apps for it (Grindr for those that know) among others. So yes skittles, I have adventured into the world of online dating. It is 2011, and lets face it kids, there’s not a whole lot of options in Top City – but there really should be a translation book out there.

There’s just some real silliness posted out there online – so I thought I’d let you in on some of the stuff that makes me giggle or even outright laugh:

• The bare chest profile pic with phone/camera obstructing the face
Decoded: I’m not out of the closet. No relationship here, just – well – you know

• Same above, with the statement “Not looking to hookup”
Decoded: Yes you are

• Description of traits of an ideal guy that end with “Step to the front of the line”
Decoded: I’m desperate; I’ll go out with anyone. And I’ll trade up the first chance I get. How vain are you to think there is a line of men waiting to date you?  (And seriously – if there was actually a line would they be online??)

• Statement says “Your place only”
Decoded: I’m married/partnered and my wife/partner doesn’t know I’m cheating. Don’t tell!

• Ending a profile description that says “I don’t do drama!”
Decoded: Yes, you do. How would you know what drama is without doing it, and I’m guessing you are the main cause of said “drama” and therefore do “drama” a lot

• Having the terms “hot,” “sexy,” or “stud” in your signin
Decoded: I’m more into me than I am to you. And I know it too. Narcissism at its finest lol.

• Saying you are “discrete”
Decoded: You really mean “creepy” – you don’t want anyone to know what you are up to and that just makes me shiver

• And the one that makes me laugh the most – “Be masculine. I only like real men.”
Decoded: Hahahahaha – Are there really desperate women posing as gay men?

Good luck my fellow singles, straight, gay, lesbian, or bi – it’s a tough world out there!

A Love Game

Hey all . . . I know it’s been awhile since I’ve blogged, but had a lot going on lately. I thought about how to share all of the adventure and such, and well . . . I just thought the fantastic Lady Gaga could help me out.

“Bad Romance”
I want your love, and I want your revenge, I want your love, I don’t want to be friends . . .
I want your loving, I want your revenge, you and me could write a bad romance. I want your loving, and all your lover’s revenge, you and me could write a bad romance.

Someone explain to me how I always, ALWAYS end up in the dreaded “friend zone”. Just once I’d like to meet someone that is as in to me as I’m in to him . . . but then again, that’s the challenge isn’t it? What’s hard about it all is that he’s a really great guy that is honest and fun to be around. Not to mention we always have a blast when we hang together . . . oh well . . . there’s always time, right?? 

“Beautiful, Dirty, Rich”
We got it made like ice cream topped with honey, but we got no money! Daddy, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry yeah! We just like to party yeah, like to party yeah!

The trip to New Orleans and Dallas was FANTASTIC!!! Literally one of the best vacations I’ve ever, ever had. I can’t believe how much fun was crammed into 7 days. We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves! It might have been too much since as soon as I got back, I got the flu. But it was still all worth it. I’ve got 804 pics to prove it too . . . Those aren’t getting posted though . . . 

“Paparazzi”
I’m your biggest fan, I’ll follow you until you love me. Papa . . . Paparazzi . . . Baby there’s no other superstar you know that I’ll be your . . . Papa . . . Paparazzi . . . Baby I promise I’ll be kind, but I won’t stop until the boy is mine. Baby you’ll be famous, chase you down until you love me . . .

Is there anything wrong with hope? I’m struggling with trying to be realistic and the hopeless romantic that I am. Part of me thinks that he’s really does just want to be my friend (cuz that’s what he tells me) and then there’s that secret side of me that wants to believe he’s hiding how he feels. I know it’s silly to think that because there’s nothing there that leads to that conclusion, so definitely am probably just setting myself up on this . . . but can’t help it.

“Lovegame”
I wanna kiss you. But if I do I might miss you babe. It’s complicated and stupid, got my ass squeezed by sexy Cupid. Guess he wants to play, wants to play, a love game, a love game.

Gracie said to me the other day something that has resonated with me for awhile. She said that I am a completely different person than I was a year ago. It’s so true . . . the fact that I want to meet someone and have a relationship – and that I’m actively trying – is quite a change. I’m not known for patience (and neither is she) so that’s the hard part for me at this point. Just wondering when it will finally happen . . . Cupid needs to lay off for a bit.

“Poker Face”
A little gambling is fun when you’re with me, I love it! Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun, and baby when it’s love if it’s not rough it isn’t fun, fun.

I have to be careful right now. As I truly branch out and try to figure out who I am, I have to remember to stay true to myself. I’ve already been in a few situations that were a bit more than I expected . . . once in New Orleans and once in KC . . . and I have to be confident in who I am, what I want, and that I don’t need to settle. Dating is a lot like holding a revolver to your head, spinning the barrel, and pulling the trigger . . . really . . .

“Telephone”
Stop callin’, stop callin’, I don’t wanna think anymore. I left my head and my heart on the dance floor. Stop callin’, stop callin’, I don’t wanna talk anymore. I left my head and my heart on the dance floor.

An interesting twist that happened recently is that I was told I was too skinny to date. WTF?? That was a new twist for me . . . Evidently this guy who had approached me thought I was handsome, but not near big enough. Shame, b/c he was very cute, but I’m NOT about to gain (or lose) weight for anyone . . . this is just for me – it’s about being healthy. Which btw . . . I’m up to 174 lbs lost (woo hoo!)

“Boys Boys Boys”
Baby is a bad boy with some retro sneakers, let’s go see the Killer’s and make out in the bleachers. I like you a lot lot, think you’re really hot hot. Let’s go to the party heard our buddy is the DJ, don’t forget my lipstick I left it in your ashtray.

I swear more has been going on than me trying to find someone to date!!! It’s just a new facet in my life. School is going well, work is well . . . work . . . and I’m still in a great place mentally. I’ve totally stolen an idea from Gracie and I’ve started making accessories . . . but unlike her I’m not selling them, but rather keeping them to add to MY wardrobe.

“Just Dance”
Just dance, it’ll be okay. Just Dance, that record babe. Just Dance, it’ll be okay. Dance, Dance, Dance, Jus t Dance.

Life goes on. And I’m not gonna retreat at all . . . I’m glad I’m living it to the fullest and want to continue to do so. So, like Gaga says . . . “Just Dance , it’ll be okay!”

Gym, Lunch, Tears, Scarves

I realized I haven't actually just randomly "journaled" in awhile, and really thought today would be a nice day to do so . . .

The day started with Ragan trying to push me off the bed at 10:00am probably b/c either he needed to go outside, or he hid a chewie under my pillow and now couldn't get to it. I woke up and promptly cuddled with the pooch for a bit (he's a bit needy) and then headed to the gym. Today was just a light cardio day - and today's first great event happened . . . I fell off the plateau!!! My body is starting to lose weight again . . . two pounds this week for a total of 96. That's freaking AWESOME!!!

So then, all showered, cologned, and nervous . . . I go on a date. (No - it is NOT the guy that was the DFH from a few weeks ago) We went to HuHot and had a great time, good lunch, and just all in all good visit. He's quite the charmer and has a nice smile . . . but that's all you get for now. Gonna keep the rest secret cuz I don't wanna jinx it. (If you're keeping count - that's great event #2 for the day)

I decide after lunch that I need to go check out the big boy clothing store b/c it's clearance time and they usually have a shirt or two that I like to buy for pretty cheap. PLUS . . . everyone is riding me to get a smaller size shirt b/c all my clothes are 2 sizes to big now. I go and hit up the size down from what I had on. (I started at a 6x, was wearing a 5x, and was happy that the 4x's were fitting). So, I find a really cute one on the rack (gonna wear it on my date this weekend!) and then the sales lady is like -- Joe, you can wear a size smaller than that!

I don't really think I can . . . but she insists and so I grab a 3x and head back into the dressing room. Side note -- (and this is kind of important) -- I have been struggling to actually SEE the weight loss change. I see myself everyday - and the baggy clothes don't help (cuz I still see what's underneath) - so it's where I struggle. It's common among those with rapid weight loss b/c the mind doesn't quite grasp the changes as quickly as they are actually happening.

Sooooooo, I try on the shirt and then step out and look in the mirror. And I cry. Just a little but they were DEFINITELY tears of joy. It fit . . . and for the first time I could actually SEE how much weight I had lost on my body. I really wasn't ready to see that, but then not sure if you ever really are, but it was a bit overwhelming. This definitely ranks as great event #3.

In celebration of a rather glorious day . . . I go to Target and buy some scarves - from the mens section (Gracie!!) . . . so all in all - today was fantastic and I am quite content. Haven't had many great days like today so gonna just enjoy it for awhile . . .

(oh, and I'm off work tonight AND tomorrow night!!!)

Rules of Engagement

I might be a bit judgmental, but I just think it's important to actually be employed - or working on gainful employment, when looking for a mate. It's kind of scary when you go out with someone that doesn't work - and isn't planning on getting a job in the near future.

Then there's the right and wrong things to say when courting someone. You shouldn't comment on less than flattering features of your prospective partner. It's not the wisest idea to actually point out a flabby chest or a bit of belly fat. Kinda kills the mood . . .

And definitely ask questions if someone says something that you don't understand. Never just assume you know what the other person is talking about or that you will figure it out later. Topics have a funny way of rearing their ugly head again and forcing you at some point to actually admit you have no clue what's being discussed, and therefore looking more like an idiot.

Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever under any circumstances whatsoever profess to be in love with the person on the first date. Even if you've known each other for years and years, it comes across as hokey and reeking of desperation. Kinda ruins the joy of the pursuit.

On the first arranged meeting, don't bring your two hags, gossip and talk amongst yourself, giggle uncontrollably, and then leave within 15 min of arrival. Well, you can, but don't ask if the other person likes you -- if you can't stick around to find out it's probably not worth finding out the answer.

Refrain from asking what names the kids are going to have that you both will be adopting on the first date. Not the best time to suggest building a family and home with someone when you are just getting to know each other.

Everyone knows it's all about putting your best foot forward - but make sure it's actually a good foot. No one likes a know-it-all, and everyone hates an idiot. It's better to be comfortable with yourself, flaws and all, then to try and mask it behind feigned intelligence.

I don't think this is asking too much . . . is it?