Reflections: JJ's Top 10 for 2010



A little karaoke at College Hill with some friends!

 Well, it’s that time of year when everyone puts out their Top 10 List. You can find a top 10 albums, top 10 songs, top 10 movie trailers, top 10 appetizers, top 10 scandals . . . hell, you can even find the top 10 pet videos! Well, I haven’t done a great job at blogging in a while, but want to get back into it for this upcoming year. So, to kick off my motivation, I thought I’d share the top 10 moments of my life for 2010. While in no particular order (well, they are in the order they popped into my head), they are all each special to me, and since I'm a bit of a diva, I knew you'd want me to share them with you!


• I kissed a boy and I liked it. Not being romantically inclined, or risky, it was somewhat out of character for me, and it was a very nice kiss. While what I wanted to come from that kiss didn’t, it was a very special kiss. And, it was the very first thing I did in 2010, so it really had to be included on this list .

• Bob turned 1 year old! My lap band is named “Bob” fyi . . . and he turned 1 in February. Don’t even know how to begin to describe the change in my life, but my BFF Gracie and Eric conspired to throw Bob a party – and it was very special indeed.

• Rolling with a 4.0 in Psych! What a rough year in school. I really had to buckle down through some very tough courses and am quite proud of the results thus far. I’ve got one semester left in undergrad, and to still have a 4.0 is something that I’m very proud of. Now if I could just learn to write better . . . lol 

• Lady Gaga in St. Louis!!!!! Something that was truly spectacular, amazing, fantabulous, and full of awesomeness. And not just because it was Gaga, but who I got to share it with!!!

• Best Man in the Maxwell/Guiterrez wedding in San Diego. To be asked to stand as someone’s best man is quite humbling. My name is on their marriage license!!! I truly cherish everytime I’ve been asked – and who doesn’t love a wedding reception?? And in San Diego to boot?? Yeah, it was awesome on like 17 different levels . . .

• Sunday’s at Starbucks with my BFF!!! Yeah, it’s not an unusual event, but it’s something I cherish. We say we are gonna “study” while there – but truth is we study before and afterwards, it’s kinda our BFF time.

• Skin Removal in August. I was kinda mum on this for some reason I realized, but in August I had the extra skin from my belly removed from my weightloss. It was awesome . . . and painful. The best part, in all honesty, was just the love I felt from two very special ladies that drove up from Texas to take care of me. How Mom and Aunt Cookie got me from the hospital to the hotel room that day I’ll never know. And I’m still a bit stunned they didn’t video me after I woke up from all the drugs . . . I know I said some crazy ass shit!

• Random friendships at IHOP in Wichita. Sometimes you are just meant to meet some people, and they are meant to touch your soul in ways you never expect. No reason, no rhyme, you just are thankful and glad that they did. Love you Roxy and Shonda!!!

• Applying for grad school. Wow . . . I still can’t believe I’m doing this!! I never thought of myself as doctor material . . . but one day, who knows?? It just might be Dr. Joe . . . Now if I can just get into University of Texas, or Texas A&M, or University of North Texas, or Texas Tech, or UT SW Medical Center of Dallas, or Wichita State University . . . just one please . . .

• Falling down in Wichita. Okay . . . so I’ve had a few memorable spills in the city of Wichita . . . one was dancing at Club Fantasy, the other was during Wichita Pride Parade – while I was in the parade!! Both hilarious . . . both memorable . . . both fun to talk about!
I feel very blessed to have had such a jam packed year . . . I’m sure I could keep listing stuff, but gotta stop at ten . . . May 2011 be just as fun, blessed, and full of surprises for everyone . . . I’m looking forward to it 

The Last Leg

I hope everyone is having a great Memorial Day -- either attending services, visting with family, or hanging with friends! As you can tell by the pic -- I'm chilling with my bff today just hanging. After a little Panera and Starbucks -- we journeyed back home for some visting and blogging. After all -- we are some blog divas. (And she FINALLY did a post on our blog -- you can see it here --> Grace & Joe Show)

This Memorial Day finds me at a plateau and a decision. I've pretty much been bouncing within the same five lbs range weight wise for about 2 months now. It's pretty frustrating, but to be expected. I've lost a full grown man in weight already . . . so there's going to be a time when my body slows down -- and it's happened. Not to worry -- I'm still positive and working out on a regular basis, just ready for the engine to get fired up again.

Which brings me to my decision. For awhile I've known I would have to go back under the knife to have extra tissue removed. It's inevitable with a large and relatively quick weight loss. They wait for your weight to somewhat stabelize, and then look to see if you're ready to have the tissue removed.

I visited with a surgeon the other day and was quite surprised when he said I'm ready. He said based on the amount of time since my surgery, my stable weight, and how my skin hangs, it's time to think seriously about the removal of the tissue. A bit scary, both because of cost and because of what it entails, but here I am.

Sometimes I feel like I've been running a race, and this is the last leg of it. I'm very thankful for all the support of my friends and family thus far, and am excited to run the last leg of this race . . . not that it ever really ends, but you get the idea. It's weird to be at this point when I never thought I'd get there . . . but here I am.

And here I go . . .

Bring on Year Two

Year one is officially in the books. Year two is off to a bang – how quickly things roll by. You turn around and just the amount of change that can take place in a life is sometimes a bit overwhelming. There are many theories out there about personality and such, and I won’t delve into them now – mainly b/c I’m not versed enough yet – but there is one that talks about every 10 years or so you have a transition in your life, and that transition can be quite big.

Welcome to my transition . . .

The quick, and obvious changes, are of course the external. In one year I’ve lost 165 pounds. I had a goal of getting under 300 by 2/26, and was off just by two days. Two days into my second year, the scale read 299. Next goal is 250 by August – that’s 49 pounds. I’m in a wedding out in San Diego and it’d be cool to be that small by the time the pics are taken. My health is in a good transition.

Also external – my career. For over 10 years, I’ve been an executive at Target working in their Distribution Centers. I’ve loved it – great company, better people, and they really take care of ya. However, it’s no longer my calling. My passion is to help people – maybe through their transitions – who knows. What I do know is that studying for psychology, although challenging at times, has been to date rather rewarding as well. I’ve learned more about myself and human interactions than I thought I would up to this point. The challenge has been daunting this semester – Taking half of a course load and working full time. But the bottom line is that I’m going to transition my career . . . another good transition.

Now one that’s not so obvious – unless you really, really know me. I’ve opened my heart, and am taking a risk. I’ve fallen for someone. I took down my walls and let someone in. I’m so scared about it, but am loving every minute of it. The polar opposites of emotion can sometimes be overwhelming – but that dichotomy of feeling by experiencing all that it has to offer has truly touched my soul. I’m not going to be so scared to love that I don’t ever try – I’ve got to Make It Happen if it’s going to. God only provides the opportunity, you have to walk through and seize the chance. We are learning together, how to take the walls down and trust each other. Yeah, my emotional health is in transition . . . for the better.

So, year one changed a lot, and it looks like Bob’s (or my lab band) second year is going to be just as full of twists and turns. Kinda like the rollercoasters that a certain someone and I are going to ride this summer . . . hold on tight kids – it’s going to be one helluva ride!

Oh – and the boa?? Yeah, I had to wear it to my surprise celebration my bff Gracie and Eric through for me . . . yeah it was a freaking BLAST!!

My Anytime Fitness Story

As many of you know, I regularly work out at Anytime Fitness. Well, I've been asked to write up "My Story" so that others could be motivated by it. I thought since I was doing it there, I'd also post it here. So . . . following is MY Anytime Fitness Story . . .

Before January 2009, my health had been on a steady decline, and the last 5 years it was running down fast. My weight had ballooned to 465 lbs. My cholestrol was off the charts. My blood pressure was 160/100. My blood sugar levels were regularly over 150. I had been hospitalized twice for depression. In short, I wasn't happy, healthy, and I feared that I would die young.

I had turned to food to help me cope with problems. Whether it was my self esteem, not being happy about something at work, my plans getting ruined, etc. -- I would eat something and feel better. As I got bigger, I became more isolated. I didn't really date anyone. I had very few friends, and didn't really do much other than sleep, eat, sit on the couch and watch tv, and work.

Then, after a visit home for Christmas with my family, I had decided to make a change. I was done feeling sorry for myself and not doing anything about it. I weighed almost a QUARTER OF A TON and I was just about done with it. I needed to change my life - and that meant changing how I eat and exercise.

To tackle eating, I went to the doctor and on Feb. 26, 2009, I underwent the lap band procedure. This tool enabled me to control my binge eating and forced me to learn how to eat right. I had to read labels to see what was in the food I was eating, and I had to make good choices about what I ate because I could only eat a small amount.

For exercise, I started walking. After surgery my doctor told me to just walk. So I did. I started by walking around the block at home. Then down to the nearest main avenue six blocks away. On nice days, I took my dog Ragan and walked to the park and played frisbee with him. But I found that I was finding too many excuses still to not follow through with the walking. It was hot, or it was raining, or I was bored walking, or (fill in whatever excuse would work).

So, in April of 2009, my birthday present was to join Anytime Fitness. I needed a place that was open whenever the mood struck me (removed my the club not open excuse), was a half mile from my house (removed my gym to far out of the way excuse), had private showers (removed the being embarrassed to take a shower excuse), and was supportive (removed the everyone is going to make fun of me excuse).

The staff at Anytime Fitness were extremely helpful in offering suggestions on workouts and showed me how to use the various types of equipment. I was able to do certain exercises and routines, and started to lose more weight and feel better about myself.

As time went on, more weight started coming off. I added more exercises to my routines, and started coming more often. This former QUARTER TON COUCH POTATO was well on his way to becoming an official GYM RAT!

For the first time in a long time, I was proud of myself. I was happy at the decisions I was making and exctatic with the results I was seeing. I took pride in the fact that 4 times a week or more, I was going to the gym to work out. It was getting me out of the house, relieving stress, and helping me lose weight quickly.

The strange thing, is that when you become happy with yourself, others begin to change their perceptions of you. All the negative feelings and emotions I was experiencing started to give way to positive ones. I went out with friends more. I visited with family more often. I started dating. I became involved in church. I went back to college to work on a Psychology degree. I became, well, for lack of a better word, busy. AND I LOVE IT! I can't believe that I used to lose my breath walking up a flight of stairs and now I go almost non-stop from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep. People tell me I'm now the energizer bunny!

To date, I've lost 148 lbs. Feb 26,2010 is my anniversary date of my surgery, and it's almost unbelievable that I am about to type this next statement -- I have a shot at being under 300 lbs for the first time in over a decade by that date! I have 17 more lbs. to lose. I'm going to start training with Sean of Anytime Fitness three times a week next week, and with some hard work, good eating decisions, and a little luck, when I step on the scales on that day, I will weigh less than 300 lbs.

My story isn't over . . . it's just beginning. I can't wait for the next chapter . . .

My New Year's Resolution

I realized something today that I didn’t quite have my hands around. It sounds a bit weird, but don’t judge. You have to walk in someone else’s shoes to get it sometimes. I don’t know how to be happy. It doesn’t mean that I have never been happy, or felt happy, but for the first time in a long, long time – I’m actually happy. It really weirds me out – I keep waiting for the other foot to drop and it is totally stressing me out.

I don’t trust that life can be this good. And believe me . . . it’s really, REALLY good. With all the changes going on this year, my outlook and attitude was bound to change . . . but this whole “happy” thing is new. I have had so many people over the past few months (and at home last weekend) comment on how happy I am. People never really used words like happy, content, satisfied, at peace, etc. when describing me. They do now . . . spooky . . .

So – if you haven’t been following (and so I can remind myself) here’s the year in a quick run down . . .

January – after being told that it’d take six months to get approval for lapband surgery, it’s approved in two weeks
February – 26th of Feb – last step of reclaiming my life back – I get my band
March/April – recoop at home and get to spend some time with the family – it was awesome!
May – decide to go back to school to become a Therapist – apply at Washburn University
June – Take my first college course, get an A! Intro to Psych in the books – loved it!
August – I’ve lost 100 lbs! Seriously!!! 10 days shy of six months!!! WHAT???
September – Off and running on my first semester back in school – juggling work and school is quite a challenge but am enjoying it
October – My BFF ties the knot in a beautiful ceremony AND my newest niece, McKenzie Grace is born.
November – Just taking a deep breath. School is almost over and weight loss is good.
December – Ready for this?? Got my first collegiate 4.0, Got a 1230 on my GRE (needed a 1200), went on a FANTASTIC date, met someone who is at the very least a great friend and hopefully wants to be more, got to hold my niece for the first time, saw my family the weekend before Christmas, AND – I can buy clothes off the rack!! I wear XXL shirts now (in most brands) instead of a 7XB (which means 7XL cut really big for my belly). I’m smaller than when I MOVED to Kansas 5 years ago . . .

This all hit me last night while at Christmas Eve service. I am so incredibly humbled by the blessings I’ve received this year, and it’s just so much to take in. I don’t know how to handle it . . . I keep looking over my shoulder.

So – my New Year’s Resolution – and I’m really going to do this – is to just sit back and enjoy life for what it is. I’m going to stop looking around for the bad coming, and instead enjoy the good.

Damn, I’m such a drama queen . . .

Off the Rack

Most people in the world here the term "off the rack" and think of rich people that order custom apparel and us "normal" folk have to buy clothes that aren't custom made to our bodies off the sales rack. Well . . . that's one meaning -- but another meaning is for those of that have struggled with our weight.

See - once you reach a certain size, you are no longer able to go into any store and buy anything there. See, they don't really make your size. So - you are shuffled off to the specialty stores to buy clothing that fits -- at exhorbitent prices.

Well today, after about 8 years of shopping in specialty stores -- I can PROUDLY say that I bought some clothing OFF THE F'KN RACK!!!! Yes, ladies and gents -- today is a day of freedom for me - of overpriced underwear (instead of 2 for $20 I can get 4 for $9), going bankrupt for a shirt, and basically getting killed at the register for a tshirt.

Today, at Target (of course!), I bought a pack of 2XL underwear (boxer briefs -- what else would I wear?) and some workout shirts that were 2XL. To give you a comparison -- I was wearing 7XL clothes before the surgery. Um . . . That's like holding a 2XL shirt next to a men's XS shirt . . . It's still kinda hard to fully grasp.

Pant size is getting close to off the rack territory as well. Was wearing a (so embarrassed to write this) 64" pant size, and now can fit into a 48" pant. Four more inches will put me in off the rack territory as well. I feel like running around screaming like a school girl -- but I won't. How about I just smile really big? :D

The ab routine is really working out well - as I've lost 7 lbs this week. I had to call the doc b/c he wanted me to tell him if I lose over 5 in one week - but all is fine. It's just the workout. I'm now down 142 lbs . . . 24 more lbs and I'll be under 300 -- and that's been a LONG time coming.

Don't Take it for Granted

Ever thought about what you take for granted? There's a lot of stuff that I used to take for granted . . . and now I am appreciative of each and everyone of them. In January -- my quality of life was not well -- and now it already seems off the charts -- and getting better all the time. So, here's a list of things that I used to take for granted, that I haven't been able to do in years, that I now can do again because of losing 120 lbs so far . . . (btw that is a pic of the sunrise over Chicago from a United airplane)

1. Using the non-handicap bathroom stall. Seriously -- I don't have to worry about it anymore if I need to use a stall -- I can actually used the normal size one!! YAY!!


2. Going out to eat and sitting at a booth. For awhile I couldn't go out to eat with friends without having to specifically ask for a table instead of a booth. It was so embarassing when I would get walked to a booth and then have to ask for a table instead. Now -- no worries.


3. I don't have to save money for underwear. Big people clothes are OUTRAGEOUSLY expensive - and not very good quality either. Today, I went to a regular store and bought to packs of underwear for $19 (they were 4 packs). That would have been like $60 at the big boy store.


4. Flying -- I can fit in the plane seat. Still don't like it, but I can fly . . .


5. Walking all over the place and not losing my breath or having to rest . . . I went to a KU game a few yrs back and had to stop at various points and rest, because I couldn't walk all the way there in one trip.


6. Riding with friends -- I had to buy a bigger car (traded up from a Kia Sorento to a Chrysler Pacifica) b/c I didn't fit in my car. I would have to volunteer to drive everywhere b/c I knew I fit in my car, but really didn't know if I fit in everyone else's car. Now -- I can fit in a Honda CRV, a Volvo sedan, a Nissan Altima, a Mitsubishi Galant, and a Jeep Grand Cherokee for starters . . . yeah -- I'm still keeping count. Oh, and I no longer drive the station wagon on steroids either . . . I have a Pontiac Torrent (and love it).


7. Good health -- wow do I feel better! I no longer have high blood pressure, high cholestorol, high blood sugar, or high whatever will kill ya . . . my levels are back to normal . . . and that's the BEST part of this journey.


8. I don't mind having a full body picture made -- I used to hide behind things so only my face would get photographed. I didn't like the reminders of how big I was . . . now it's all I can do to not jump into a stranger's picture . . . b/c they need to see how hot I am! :)


9. Britches without elastic waist bands . . . I DON'T HAVE TO WEAR BRITCHES WITH ELASTIC WAIST BANDS ANYMORE!!!


10. Positive self image -- I feel so good about all I've done and all I have to offer. I can't even begin to describe how that feels.

So what is the reason or this? Don't take things for granted, b/c you never know when you might lose it. And it's hard as hell to get it back . . . savor everything -- every benign moment, every beige event, every boring gathering -- b/c you never know if it'll be gone.