Life is weird. I just wanted to get that out of the way.
So - those of you looking for an update on the Lap Band (aka my sis-in-law Vicki) will have to wait. This is more of a personal reflection about something I've been thinking about since I've been down here in Texas - and that is merging my "two lives".
See, I have two lives - one that took place before I was 28 and reality hit me, and the one that came after I dusted myself off. These two lives are very seperate, in many, many ways.
Endulge me on this rather long entry (as it is my blog). Before I was 28, I had one brother. I went to and graduated HS from Alvarado High and then graduated from A&M. I had one very special relationship with a wonderful woman and several whatever relationships with women that were convenient, but not what I wanted. I quickly lost interest in dating and focused on my career. I went to my Mother's when I was obliged (holidays, once in summer). That was my life. Very compartmentalized, very controlled, and very expected.
Then, in the summer of 2001, my mind exploded. Flashbacks of sexual abuse by my stepfather hit me. Depression, anti-depressants, tons of counseling, crazy/unexplained behavior, questioning everything in my life, denial, anger (the list goes on). Needless to say I was a fish out of water. I didn't really live during this time - it just passed. I call this my regeneration period.
During the Summer of 2007, I stepped into my current life. I had accepted who I was, and had also learned to be happy with who I am. I was able to say things like: "I am gay", "I am very, very angry with my mother", "I miss my father", "I need to pick myself up and get back to living", etc. I became who I am today. I'm at peace, happy, excited, hopeful, and just tickled pink (no pun intended) to be where I am. I remember the day that my step-mom called me and helped me re-establish my relationships with the side of my family that I had lost.
My sis-in-law had told me that she was stunned to learn that her husband had a third brother (that's me). It shocked her because that's how much I had withdrawn. It shocked me at how effective I was at doing that. I now see my brothers, my dad and step-mom, and my nephew and niece on a pretty regular basis - which is good considering I live in Kansas :)
So - why all this on my mind? Well - it's because of facebook! Yes, facebook . . . old friends from HS have stumbled across my page on facebook and have reached out to me to re-establish those friendships that were lost. They know the old me, not the person I've become. I'm very nervous about re-establishing these relationships. Notice I said nervous, but not hiding. I know I have hidden who I am for so many years that I don't want to do that anymore. So - here I am - being who I am - and finding out what lies in the water. I know some will gossip, and I know some will not be open, but I also know some will accept and continue to love me for me, and I don't want to lose those friends.
Whew . . . did I ramble on this . . . ;)
