Facebook -- Friend or "Friend"?

I read a rather interesting article from, of all places, the Topeka Capital Journal. The article (link) was about social networking and how today, people will add “friends” they’ve never met before on facebook or other social media cites (side note: myspace is creepy) but won’t talk to the neighbor across the street.

It’s a cultural shift, to say the least. There have been many (including myself) that comment on time to time on the black hole that is the ever addictive facebook. I mean, seriously, it’s on my iPhone for crying out loud!! Gracie and I blogged about it (here). The loathing seems to center around how people feel that those of the “younger” generation are not as social or connected as the “older” generation because there is less face to face interaction.

Interesting point – and somewhat valid to an extent. However, I’d like to present an argument for the other side . . . I actually feel that facebook (and other social media sites) have actually helped connect people in a different, and more convenient way. It’s also helped maintain relationships over long distances and reconnect some that had lost touch.

Don’t believe me?? I can serve as a case study. I currently have 182 friends on my Facebook. Of my list – I have met all but 9 of them in person. The nine people on my list I haven’t met stumbled across my blog (either on Blogger or on Y360 when it was up and running) and have left comments for me. I in turn, visited their blogs and did the same. Over time, we became regulars . . . and these 9 fit in a group of people that I would never have met if not for Facebook.

The rest of my friends, I’ve either gone to high school, college (either A&M or Washburn), work, dated, or otherwise hung out with at some point. And of course my family members on facebook are on my friends list. Facebook has helped me to stay in contact with all of the ones that don’t live locally here in Topeka, and even reconnect with some friends that I had lost.

The conclusion of my case study?? I’m more socially connected BECAUSE of facebook. I maintain more relationships because it’s more convenient. I don’t have to always meet up with someone face to face or talk on the phone to “catch up”. I can check out the latest goings on with the fam and friends at 2:30 am when I leave work. It saves a bunch of phone calls and the awkwardness created by working night shift. Without the technology, I wouldn’t be able to maintain the relationships I now currently have.

Key part of my case is simple – it’s A tool, not my ONLY tool. I don’t just allow random invites from someone I’ve never met (just TDd two peeps I didn’t know) or shared a thought with. I think so many articles that criticize social networking sites forget that point – that most people don’t use JUST facebook to communicate. Those people do have a pathology that needs treatment – but for the vast majority of us – it’s just an enhancement to our social network.

Now if I could just fit this entry into my status message . . . ;)

Two Lives

Life is weird. I just wanted to get that out of the way.

So - those of you looking for an update on the Lap Band (aka my sis-in-law Vicki) will have to wait. This is more of a personal reflection about something I've been thinking about since I've been down here in Texas - and that is merging my "two lives".

See, I have two lives - one that took place before I was 28 and reality hit me, and the one that came after I dusted myself off. These two lives are very seperate, in many, many ways.

Endulge me on this rather long entry (as it is my blog). Before I was 28, I had one brother. I went to and graduated HS from Alvarado High and then graduated from A&M. I had one very special relationship with a wonderful woman and several whatever relationships with women that were convenient, but not what I wanted. I quickly lost interest in dating and focused on my career. I went to my Mother's when I was obliged (holidays, once in summer). That was my life. Very compartmentalized, very controlled, and very expected.

Then, in the summer of 2001, my mind exploded. Flashbacks of sexual abuse by my stepfather hit me. Depression, anti-depressants, tons of counseling, crazy/unexplained behavior, questioning everything in my life, denial, anger (the list goes on). Needless to say I was a fish out of water. I didn't really live during this time - it just passed. I call this my regeneration period.

During the Summer of 2007, I stepped into my current life. I had accepted who I was, and had also learned to be happy with who I am. I was able to say things like: "I am gay", "I am very, very angry with my mother", "I miss my father", "I need to pick myself up and get back to living", etc. I became who I am today. I'm at peace, happy, excited, hopeful, and just tickled pink (no pun intended) to be where I am. I remember the day that my step-mom called me and helped me re-establish my relationships with the side of my family that I had lost.

My sis-in-law had told me that she was stunned to learn that her husband had a third brother (that's me). It shocked her because that's how much I had withdrawn. It shocked me at how effective I was at doing that. I now see my brothers, my dad and step-mom, and my nephew and niece on a pretty regular basis - which is good considering I live in Kansas :)

So - why all this on my mind? Well - it's because of facebook! Yes, facebook . . . old friends from HS have stumbled across my page on facebook and have reached out to me to re-establish those friendships that were lost. They know the old me, not the person I've become. I'm very nervous about re-establishing these relationships. Notice I said nervous, but not hiding. I know I have hidden who I am for so many years that I don't want to do that anymore. So - here I am - being who I am - and finding out what lies in the water. I know some will gossip, and I know some will not be open, but I also know some will accept and continue to love me for me, and I don't want to lose those friends.

Whew . . . did I ramble on this . . . ;)