www.dating.com

My computer!!  Sort of :)

So – it’s 2011 and there’s this handy little thing called an internet. It can help you find all kinds of things you never thought you needed – like superhero underwear, white watches, Disney branded gifts, even a pink A&M one-sie for your niece. It’s also makes finding things you need a lot easier – like a pizza for a party, scores from the latest basketball game (VCU?? Seriously??), hotel rooms in other states (NOLA! SD!), and yes – even a date.


That’s right kiddos – online dating is out there. You’ve seen the ads, from eHarmony, match.com, cupid.com, plentyofish.com (thx Gaga & Brit!), etc., etc. There’s even iPhone apps for it (Grindr for those that know) among others. So yes skittles, I have adventured into the world of online dating. It is 2011, and lets face it kids, there’s not a whole lot of options in Top City – but there really should be a translation book out there.

There’s just some real silliness posted out there online – so I thought I’d let you in on some of the stuff that makes me giggle or even outright laugh:

• The bare chest profile pic with phone/camera obstructing the face
Decoded: I’m not out of the closet. No relationship here, just – well – you know

• Same above, with the statement “Not looking to hookup”
Decoded: Yes you are

• Description of traits of an ideal guy that end with “Step to the front of the line”
Decoded: I’m desperate; I’ll go out with anyone. And I’ll trade up the first chance I get. How vain are you to think there is a line of men waiting to date you?  (And seriously – if there was actually a line would they be online??)

• Statement says “Your place only”
Decoded: I’m married/partnered and my wife/partner doesn’t know I’m cheating. Don’t tell!

• Ending a profile description that says “I don’t do drama!”
Decoded: Yes, you do. How would you know what drama is without doing it, and I’m guessing you are the main cause of said “drama” and therefore do “drama” a lot

• Having the terms “hot,” “sexy,” or “stud” in your signin
Decoded: I’m more into me than I am to you. And I know it too. Narcissism at its finest lol.

• Saying you are “discrete”
Decoded: You really mean “creepy” – you don’t want anyone to know what you are up to and that just makes me shiver

• And the one that makes me laugh the most – “Be masculine. I only like real men.”
Decoded: Hahahahaha – Are there really desperate women posing as gay men?

Good luck my fellow singles, straight, gay, lesbian, or bi – it’s a tough world out there!

Reflections: JJ's Top 10 for 2010



A little karaoke at College Hill with some friends!

 Well, it’s that time of year when everyone puts out their Top 10 List. You can find a top 10 albums, top 10 songs, top 10 movie trailers, top 10 appetizers, top 10 scandals . . . hell, you can even find the top 10 pet videos! Well, I haven’t done a great job at blogging in a while, but want to get back into it for this upcoming year. So, to kick off my motivation, I thought I’d share the top 10 moments of my life for 2010. While in no particular order (well, they are in the order they popped into my head), they are all each special to me, and since I'm a bit of a diva, I knew you'd want me to share them with you!


• I kissed a boy and I liked it. Not being romantically inclined, or risky, it was somewhat out of character for me, and it was a very nice kiss. While what I wanted to come from that kiss didn’t, it was a very special kiss. And, it was the very first thing I did in 2010, so it really had to be included on this list .

• Bob turned 1 year old! My lap band is named “Bob” fyi . . . and he turned 1 in February. Don’t even know how to begin to describe the change in my life, but my BFF Gracie and Eric conspired to throw Bob a party – and it was very special indeed.

• Rolling with a 4.0 in Psych! What a rough year in school. I really had to buckle down through some very tough courses and am quite proud of the results thus far. I’ve got one semester left in undergrad, and to still have a 4.0 is something that I’m very proud of. Now if I could just learn to write better . . . lol 

• Lady Gaga in St. Louis!!!!! Something that was truly spectacular, amazing, fantabulous, and full of awesomeness. And not just because it was Gaga, but who I got to share it with!!!

• Best Man in the Maxwell/Guiterrez wedding in San Diego. To be asked to stand as someone’s best man is quite humbling. My name is on their marriage license!!! I truly cherish everytime I’ve been asked – and who doesn’t love a wedding reception?? And in San Diego to boot?? Yeah, it was awesome on like 17 different levels . . .

• Sunday’s at Starbucks with my BFF!!! Yeah, it’s not an unusual event, but it’s something I cherish. We say we are gonna “study” while there – but truth is we study before and afterwards, it’s kinda our BFF time.

• Skin Removal in August. I was kinda mum on this for some reason I realized, but in August I had the extra skin from my belly removed from my weightloss. It was awesome . . . and painful. The best part, in all honesty, was just the love I felt from two very special ladies that drove up from Texas to take care of me. How Mom and Aunt Cookie got me from the hospital to the hotel room that day I’ll never know. And I’m still a bit stunned they didn’t video me after I woke up from all the drugs . . . I know I said some crazy ass shit!

• Random friendships at IHOP in Wichita. Sometimes you are just meant to meet some people, and they are meant to touch your soul in ways you never expect. No reason, no rhyme, you just are thankful and glad that they did. Love you Roxy and Shonda!!!

• Applying for grad school. Wow . . . I still can’t believe I’m doing this!! I never thought of myself as doctor material . . . but one day, who knows?? It just might be Dr. Joe . . . Now if I can just get into University of Texas, or Texas A&M, or University of North Texas, or Texas Tech, or UT SW Medical Center of Dallas, or Wichita State University . . . just one please . . .

• Falling down in Wichita. Okay . . . so I’ve had a few memorable spills in the city of Wichita . . . one was dancing at Club Fantasy, the other was during Wichita Pride Parade – while I was in the parade!! Both hilarious . . . both memorable . . . both fun to talk about!
I feel very blessed to have had such a jam packed year . . . I’m sure I could keep listing stuff, but gotta stop at ten . . . May 2011 be just as fun, blessed, and full of surprises for everyone . . . I’m looking forward to it 

Think About It!

I don't want to sound preachy or better than -- but I'm a bit perturbed at what I refer to as "my people's" reaction to the Target donation.  And I mean to me personally.  Yes, I sit on two sides of this fence, being a gay man and working for Target for almost 12 years.  Here's the deal . . . (and to clarify, I'm speaking for ME not for the company I work for. . .)

Target gave a donation to a PAC called Minnesota Forward.  This particular PAC's (that's political action committee) main goal is to create economic growth and jobs in Minnesota.  However, after Target's (and Best Buy's donation too) - they purchased some ads for a very conservative gubenatorial candidate Tom Emmer who believes marriage should ONLY be between one man and one woman.  OOPS!

Basically, Target gave money based on economic policy, and didn't look into social policy.  So did Best Buy . . . Yeah - it was a HUGE oversight on their parts.  And I believe the HRC has done a great job at pointing this out to them and challenging them to right the situation.  What I'm frustrated with is how some people have sent ME messages and emails asking how I could work for such an anti-gay company . . . Are you fking kidding???  Target anti-gay?? 

Target offers same sex couple benefits -- even in states where marriages and civil unions are not allowed (yeah -- that's most of them).  They have a GLBT leadership group that helps GLBT team members connect professionally and help them succeed in their careers.  You can not, under any circumstances, discriminate based on all the usual stuff AND sexual orientation and gender orientation.  That's not a law that they have to add that -- it's just who Target is.  Every June (aka GLBT month) they send out corporate wide communication about the month and are a major sponsor of Minnapolis' Gay Pride.

The point is -- I DON'T WORK FOR AN ANTI-GAY COMPANY!  I WORK FOR ONE OF THE MOST PRO-GAY COMPANIES AROUND!!!  So stop with the messages and challenges.  Be a critical thinker -- and just chill.  Those of you that are hell bent on challenging me about working for Target, I've got one thing to say -- Get up out my face!

According to The Agenda

AHHHHHHHHHHHH! I really needed to get that out. I was checking out a link from Nilla’s facebook about a country singer that came out and well . . . I kinda got ticked!

I’m just about sick and tired of hearing the phrases “The Gay Agenda” and “I get it, you’re gay.” Not to mention the ignorant and stupid question of “I don’t understand what it’s such a big deal when gay people come out? What’s the point?”

Well – let’s address these one by one, shall we?

First – in regards to the Gay Agenda – there isn’t one. Shocking revelation, I know. I hate to break it to all the conservative right wing hullabaloo’s that swear up and down there is . . . the real point is there isn’t one. We didn’t all secretly one night have some big meeting and vote on what our agenda should be and then run out and try to implement it. Being gay is not a political view point, a social agenda, or a life choice. It’s simply just part of who we are. God decided to make us gay – just like he made others straight, or black, or white . . .

Second – in regards to “I get it, you’re gay” – Um, no you don’t. You don’t get it – at all. Because if you did Mr. Red Neck Hillbilly beat your wife Nadine while opening a Nattie Light – you wouldn’t feel the need to say that you do ACTUALLY get it. If you honestly did get the fact that people are gay, you’d read a story about someone asserting part of their life, and then move on with yours. You’d make a slight comment to someone near you like, “Oh – that’s interesting” or maybe “Cool” . . . but that’d be the extent of it. You wouldn’t have the impulse to start off a comment like “I get it, you’re gay” and then go on about how the Bible says being gay is wrong. Let me break this down real simple for you – You don’t get it. The Bible doesn’t say it’s wrong. Stop polluting the gene pool. (I might have been a bit stereotypical in this one . . .)

Finally – let’s understand the point of coming out – You don’t get the point because you don’t know what it’s like to be forced to be someone who you are not and finally break free of that yoke. I can’t explain it – There is no words for me to describe what it’s like to break out of what you are “expected” to be and embrace who you actually are. I’m going to go out on a limb and actually push this button – I think straight people that are so dismissive of the importance of a gay person coming out are actually JEALOUS that they don’t have an equally important self-acknowledgement. It’s just not a big deal to acknowledge that you are the normal, average, accepted person that you are. It’s a bit – dare I say – exciting to stand up and defy someone’s expectations and make a stand on who you truly are.

I can’t stand people that can’t accept the world for what it is and are always trying to twist it to fit their confining point of view. Back to your regular scheduled reading & surfing . . .

A Love Game

Hey all . . . I know it’s been awhile since I’ve blogged, but had a lot going on lately. I thought about how to share all of the adventure and such, and well . . . I just thought the fantastic Lady Gaga could help me out.

“Bad Romance”
I want your love, and I want your revenge, I want your love, I don’t want to be friends . . .
I want your loving, I want your revenge, you and me could write a bad romance. I want your loving, and all your lover’s revenge, you and me could write a bad romance.

Someone explain to me how I always, ALWAYS end up in the dreaded “friend zone”. Just once I’d like to meet someone that is as in to me as I’m in to him . . . but then again, that’s the challenge isn’t it? What’s hard about it all is that he’s a really great guy that is honest and fun to be around. Not to mention we always have a blast when we hang together . . . oh well . . . there’s always time, right?? 

“Beautiful, Dirty, Rich”
We got it made like ice cream topped with honey, but we got no money! Daddy, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry yeah! We just like to party yeah, like to party yeah!

The trip to New Orleans and Dallas was FANTASTIC!!! Literally one of the best vacations I’ve ever, ever had. I can’t believe how much fun was crammed into 7 days. We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves! It might have been too much since as soon as I got back, I got the flu. But it was still all worth it. I’ve got 804 pics to prove it too . . . Those aren’t getting posted though . . . 

“Paparazzi”
I’m your biggest fan, I’ll follow you until you love me. Papa . . . Paparazzi . . . Baby there’s no other superstar you know that I’ll be your . . . Papa . . . Paparazzi . . . Baby I promise I’ll be kind, but I won’t stop until the boy is mine. Baby you’ll be famous, chase you down until you love me . . .

Is there anything wrong with hope? I’m struggling with trying to be realistic and the hopeless romantic that I am. Part of me thinks that he’s really does just want to be my friend (cuz that’s what he tells me) and then there’s that secret side of me that wants to believe he’s hiding how he feels. I know it’s silly to think that because there’s nothing there that leads to that conclusion, so definitely am probably just setting myself up on this . . . but can’t help it.

“Lovegame”
I wanna kiss you. But if I do I might miss you babe. It’s complicated and stupid, got my ass squeezed by sexy Cupid. Guess he wants to play, wants to play, a love game, a love game.

Gracie said to me the other day something that has resonated with me for awhile. She said that I am a completely different person than I was a year ago. It’s so true . . . the fact that I want to meet someone and have a relationship – and that I’m actively trying – is quite a change. I’m not known for patience (and neither is she) so that’s the hard part for me at this point. Just wondering when it will finally happen . . . Cupid needs to lay off for a bit.

“Poker Face”
A little gambling is fun when you’re with me, I love it! Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun, and baby when it’s love if it’s not rough it isn’t fun, fun.

I have to be careful right now. As I truly branch out and try to figure out who I am, I have to remember to stay true to myself. I’ve already been in a few situations that were a bit more than I expected . . . once in New Orleans and once in KC . . . and I have to be confident in who I am, what I want, and that I don’t need to settle. Dating is a lot like holding a revolver to your head, spinning the barrel, and pulling the trigger . . . really . . .

“Telephone”
Stop callin’, stop callin’, I don’t wanna think anymore. I left my head and my heart on the dance floor. Stop callin’, stop callin’, I don’t wanna talk anymore. I left my head and my heart on the dance floor.

An interesting twist that happened recently is that I was told I was too skinny to date. WTF?? That was a new twist for me . . . Evidently this guy who had approached me thought I was handsome, but not near big enough. Shame, b/c he was very cute, but I’m NOT about to gain (or lose) weight for anyone . . . this is just for me – it’s about being healthy. Which btw . . . I’m up to 174 lbs lost (woo hoo!)

“Boys Boys Boys”
Baby is a bad boy with some retro sneakers, let’s go see the Killer’s and make out in the bleachers. I like you a lot lot, think you’re really hot hot. Let’s go to the party heard our buddy is the DJ, don’t forget my lipstick I left it in your ashtray.

I swear more has been going on than me trying to find someone to date!!! It’s just a new facet in my life. School is going well, work is well . . . work . . . and I’m still in a great place mentally. I’ve totally stolen an idea from Gracie and I’ve started making accessories . . . but unlike her I’m not selling them, but rather keeping them to add to MY wardrobe.

“Just Dance”
Just dance, it’ll be okay. Just Dance, that record babe. Just Dance, it’ll be okay. Dance, Dance, Dance, Jus t Dance.

Life goes on. And I’m not gonna retreat at all . . . I’m glad I’m living it to the fullest and want to continue to do so. So, like Gaga says . . . “Just Dance , it’ll be okay!”

Two Lives

Life is weird. I just wanted to get that out of the way.

So - those of you looking for an update on the Lap Band (aka my sis-in-law Vicki) will have to wait. This is more of a personal reflection about something I've been thinking about since I've been down here in Texas - and that is merging my "two lives".

See, I have two lives - one that took place before I was 28 and reality hit me, and the one that came after I dusted myself off. These two lives are very seperate, in many, many ways.

Endulge me on this rather long entry (as it is my blog). Before I was 28, I had one brother. I went to and graduated HS from Alvarado High and then graduated from A&M. I had one very special relationship with a wonderful woman and several whatever relationships with women that were convenient, but not what I wanted. I quickly lost interest in dating and focused on my career. I went to my Mother's when I was obliged (holidays, once in summer). That was my life. Very compartmentalized, very controlled, and very expected.

Then, in the summer of 2001, my mind exploded. Flashbacks of sexual abuse by my stepfather hit me. Depression, anti-depressants, tons of counseling, crazy/unexplained behavior, questioning everything in my life, denial, anger (the list goes on). Needless to say I was a fish out of water. I didn't really live during this time - it just passed. I call this my regeneration period.

During the Summer of 2007, I stepped into my current life. I had accepted who I was, and had also learned to be happy with who I am. I was able to say things like: "I am gay", "I am very, very angry with my mother", "I miss my father", "I need to pick myself up and get back to living", etc. I became who I am today. I'm at peace, happy, excited, hopeful, and just tickled pink (no pun intended) to be where I am. I remember the day that my step-mom called me and helped me re-establish my relationships with the side of my family that I had lost.

My sis-in-law had told me that she was stunned to learn that her husband had a third brother (that's me). It shocked her because that's how much I had withdrawn. It shocked me at how effective I was at doing that. I now see my brothers, my dad and step-mom, and my nephew and niece on a pretty regular basis - which is good considering I live in Kansas :)

So - why all this on my mind? Well - it's because of facebook! Yes, facebook . . . old friends from HS have stumbled across my page on facebook and have reached out to me to re-establish those friendships that were lost. They know the old me, not the person I've become. I'm very nervous about re-establishing these relationships. Notice I said nervous, but not hiding. I know I have hidden who I am for so many years that I don't want to do that anymore. So - here I am - being who I am - and finding out what lies in the water. I know some will gossip, and I know some will not be open, but I also know some will accept and continue to love me for me, and I don't want to lose those friends.

Whew . . . did I ramble on this . . . ;)