Mission Impossible

Warning – this is a bit of a long entry . . . might want to get a cup of coffee and get a bit comfy before reading it. So, got a question for ya . . .

How good are you at flying by the seat of your pants? I’m not the best, and that’s putting it lightly. I love to think that I’m spontaneous . . . but the reality of the situation is that I am a teeny bit of a control freak. So . . . that leads me to today.

My friend Eric is looking for a new dog collar for his precious puppy (and that is said with ZERO sarcasm) Kahlua. Seriously . . . check out the pic . . . she’s just my niece and I’m almost whooped! Now, not any collar will do . . . we are looking for a Pride Rainbow collar. Now, one would think this is easy . . .

But remember one ever so important crucial fact – um, we live in FREAKING KANSAS!! Obviously there is nothing here in Topeka, but even Lawrence turned up dry. So, we decide today that we’re going to go to KC to look for a dog collar. Because I mean . . . KC is a major city in the country and there just HAS to be a store there that sells them.

So, armed with my new trusty GPS (thx Gracie!), whom I like to call Michael . . . (side note – he’s got a very sexy British accent!), Eric’s iPhone, some good music, and a tank full of gas, we embark on our random mission to KC to locate said Dog collar. Now, before we left, we did call a pet store that we were told about to inquire about their selection in doggie fashions, but they did not have one.

They said they could order one and it would be in the store in like 3 weeks . . . but who wants to wait THAT long . . .

Now, at this point, Michael is not really being utilized. But there was not much to fear . . . we didn’t get lost. I mean, you have two fags with an iPhone . . . how much safer could you be? We are able to safely maneuver the roads. We get to KC and decide to run to Sidekicks (side note – gay country bar – how about that name!) b/c Eric says they will know where we can go to get something. So we head there and park and head to the front door. Well . . . it’s locked. They’re not open. Failure. But on the way back to the car, we run into a queen smoking a cigarette behind Buddies . . . and ask him if he’s aware of a place we can head. He politely smiles and says, sure – just go up over there, on Westport Road, and head to Larry’s Cards and Gift Shop.

Sweet! Success! We go two blocks, turn right, and head down Westport . . . and after getting to the 1500 block, we find the address on Eric’s trusty iPhone (see, they are sooo handy!) and realize we need to head back to the 200 block. No problem . . . we turn around and head back . . . until we find the address. One small issue though . . . really more of a side note really . . . or a post script . . . Larry’s is out of business. Failure.

Our next idea is to head to Tootsie’s, b/c it’s a bar that has a nice gift shop in it. We realize we’re just a few blocks from it. We didn’t want to have to pay a cover just to get to the gift shop . . . but I mean, look at how freaking CUTE Kahlua is!!! So we get there, pull into the parking lot . . . and, well . . . it’s closed.

Now, dear readers, this is the part where you probably are thinking that I’m losing my mind and all stressed out . . . but instead – I’m actually having a blast! While driving all over KC, we have been listening to music, chatting about whatever, and just enjoying the adventure. How about that New Year’s Resolution of mine!

So I decide that I’m a bit on the hungry side, so we head to the plaza. Might as well live it up one more time before school kicks in and I’m all study, study, study . . . We do some window shopping and walk by the Sony store (can you say Apple Store knock off?) and eventually the Apple store as well . . . yeah, we went in to both of ‘em. I mean – you got a dork and a geek walking into gadget stores . . . like THAT’S a big surprise or something.

We leave the Apple store and that’s when we smell it. The rich, sweet aroma of . . . MEAT! We are now on a hunt for this establishment that is emitting this heavenly aroma . . . and we walk this way and that way . . . all the while the scent is getting stronger and stronger . . . and then, finally . . . from across the avenue . . . we see it. Fogo de Chao . . . a Brazilian Restaurant . . .

I have one reservation about it – and it’s this – I am concerned that it might be “family style” dining. I do not EVER want to sit at a table full of people I don’t know and hear about their drama, have them ask me probing questions that I don’t want to answer . . . and worst of all . . . have them freaking BREATHE on my food! We decide to stick our heads in to see – b/c after all – that smell is HEAVENLY!

We went in and to our excitement . . . it wasn’t! So down we sat and off to a freaking awesome dining experience we were . . . in a Brazilian Nut Shell . . . The salad bar is freaking amazing (it had salmon that MELTED in your mouth), they bring around 15 kinds of meat that they cut off of skewers for you, and basically you eat as much as you want until you are full. Yeah, it’s all you can eat . . . and it rocks! My personal faves were the Parmesan Encrusted Pork Loin and the Leg of Lamb . . . but really all of it was good.

Never fear my dear Skittles, b/c many of the meats I tasted and then set aside . . . b/c I wanted to try all of them and I only have a little bit of room to eat. I did kind of wish that I didn’t have a lap band until I remembered that I’ve lost like a whole freaking person and am very happy about that . . .

All I will say is that you need to go . . . at least once . . . and experience it.

And here’s the cool part of this whole entry . . . while our mission was a failure, the evening was a success. We had a freaking blast – and we ended it with STARBUCKS!! I got my regular Venti Carmel Light Frappucino and Eric got a White Chocolate Mocha.

Oh, and the collar . . . it’s on order . . .

The Day After: My Liver is Clean

Don't I have the greatest team at work?? They are soooo cool . . .

WOW!! That's about all I can say at this moment in time. It was an interesting experience to say the least. I feel like an entire broadway cast did a tap dance number on the left side of my body, but other than that all is well :) Below (I didn't put it at the top) is believe it or not, a picture of the band IN my body. It's not that gross (blood wise) but didn't want to gross you out if you are squeamish.

Anyway . . . in true "Joe Joe" tradition, this too, was an entertaining adventure.

The day started with me heading to the pharmacy. The doctor told me he'd call my prescriptions into the pharmacy so we could pick them up, and I figured I'd try and do it before I got to the hospital and all drugged up. So I walk into the pharmacy and ask for my meds. She looks at me quite confused and says she doesn't have anything for me. Hmmm, okay I tell her. I let her know that my doctor will probably call you later. (Come to find out -- I went to the wrong pharmacy. There's only 2 in the town my parents live in, and I went to the wrong one -- go figure)

I enter the lobby of the building and right there is a Subway. Now, that's very good for everyone that can eat, but I've been fasting since 9pm the night before, and it's now 10:30am ... and I have to walk into a lobby that smells like freshly baked bread! Are you freaking kidding me???? I was like this is some freaking torture.

So, I get there and get into the fashionable buttless robe and get all hooked up to the machines that do heart and blood pressure. I also get an IV started. My two nurses "The Joans" because they are both named Joan, are two middle aged women that are hilarious. One takes to calling me "Lil' Bit". She asks me how long it's been since someone called me that, and I stated no one has EVER called me that. She laughs and then does a shimmy, shakin' her boobs at me. THAT was a bit odd, and she laughs again and asks if I feel better now. I just said sure because I was scared of what else might happen if I didn't . . .

The other Joan puts these leg compressor things on my legs to keep the blood in my legs moving during surgery to ensure I don't get any blood clots. What they do is compress each leg alternately, like you are walking. It was kind of a weird feeling because it really did make me feel like I was walking even though I was laying down. Almost like a calf massage . . .

Then the anastesiaologist comes by and wants to check me out. He puts the stehoscope on my bare back and DAMN it was cold!! Then the front . . . He then asks me to open my mouth up wide and tilt my head way back, and then says "Oh yeah. That looks great." Ummm, did anyone else's mind go where mine just went?? He then walks out.

My doctor shows up and says let's go, so they start injecting my IV with all kinds of stuff, including something that will either make me dizzy or laugh. Well -- I laughed . . . alot. The only thing I remember is that there are lights and gizmos beeping and everyone asking me what's so funny.....

And then I wake up in the recovery room. I have to drink some Barium while they zap my tummy to make sure that I can swallow (which I do) and then it's time to go. We left the hospital at around 2:30pm. Huh . . . not too shabby....

So now, I'm 24 hrs into a 48 hr broth, popsicle, jello, water diet. Odd thing is, I'm not overly hungry . . . at all. This thing is weird . . . but cool. I can only eat a half can of broth and a jello cup and I'm full for like 2 hrs. I graduate up in food intake over the next month. . . but this is gonna be interesting. Oh -- and I lost 17 lbs from my preop-diet.

I find out last night that the doctor was VERY impressed with my liver. He said it is VERY clean. So, that's why I attached the picture at the bottom, I wanted to show off my clean liver. It's the bright pink organ with the silver insturment touching it. I'm quite proud of that because I'm sure NO ONE has ever been told that before. And, I have proof . . . :)