What is Forgiveness?

I don't know if most abuse survivors struggle with this, but I know I have for quite a long time. I imagine my struggle is not unique, yet for me the journey is very loansome. What does it mean to forgive?

That question has burned in my mind for years upon years. On my left shoulder, I had tattooed "spirit, pray, grace, love, forgive" to remind myself over and over that I needed to do that. I needed to forgive the people that let me down as a child. It might sound odd, but it's something I know I must do in order to finally put it behind me.

But how do you know when you've truly forgiven someone?? I've prayed to God to forgive them, and I say I have forgiven them. I don't hold a hatred in my heart towards them, nor do I wish them ill will. I do chose, however, to not have them participate in my life. I don't think to forgive necessarily means that you forget. I wish I could forget those events, but unfortunately they are etched in my brain.

So in my struggle and my anxiety, I reached out to my pastor. I'm not known for asking for help, but I am so glad I did. He gave me the best advice, and what I truly believe it means to forgive, so I share it with you. He said, "Forgiveness is all about letting go of the anger and the hurt, and trusting that when we do that, God meets us in that place of surrender and strengthens us for the journey ahead."

He went on to explain that it's not about forgetting, but letting go of the emotion, the anger. Sometimes, too much has happened that even though we forgive, the relationship can never be healed. So I pray now for God to help me forgive them, to let go of the anger and negative emotion, and help me to move on. I no longer want to survive, I want to thrive.