America -- there is life after MJ!!!

I was trying to avoid this, but after having the death of Michael Jackson shoved down my throat for an entire weekend, I couldn't avoid it. So -- let me dust off my bedazzled soap box because I'm about to stand up on it and go off bitches . . .

All of the sorry ass people that are "devastated" and "depressed" because of the death of Michael Jackson -- I have one question for you. Name his last number one hit . . . go ahead . . . I'll wait.

Still waiting . . .

And still waiting . . .

No - this isn't one of those I'm a huge fan and all you people are idiots -- I'm not the Britney youtube kid under a sheet. I can't name it either . . . that's my point! How can one be sooooo devastated and distraught over someone that they can't even remember his last #1, his last single, or his last cd. I wanna know how many of these "fans" who are leaving flowers at his rent-a-mansion in LA actually owned his music BEFORE he died.

Look -- I love me some Michael Jackson -- especially his earlier stuff (re: Bille Jean, Smooth Criminal, Don't Stop til You get Enough) . . . but I didn't know him. I didn't go out with him. I didn't talk with him on the phone about all the little boys locked in his basement (yeah, I went there). I can empathize with the pain his siblings are going thru (I'd be distraught if one of my brothers died), but that's where it ends. My life is not any different b/c he passed -- and that's my point. GRIEF is not the appropriate emotion here kids -- unless you are a friend, family member, or associate. The appropriate emotion here is CELEBRATORY.

My life IS different b/c he was on this earth, for better or worse. I acknowledge all his accomplishments in how he changed pop music, dance, videos, and the definition of crazy. I'm not gonna cry or feel the need to mourn his passing. Celebrate his contributions, his impact, his music.

But enough with what a great person he was . . . he wasn't great, he was tragic. He couldn't get over being a child star, accepting his race (don't tell me it was a skin disease - that doesn't explain the hair, nose, or make up kids), and in the end reality itself. He had to have children to have people that unconditionally loved him -- his parents didn't. Don't believe me? Check out the CNN interview of Joe Jackson (his dad) on YouTube at the BET awards. He actually PLUGS a project while talking about the death of his son. Really?? The death of a child is a good time to promote your next project??

Look - I'm stopping short of calling him a pedophile (minus the boys in the basement joke earlier) b/c we don't know. However his "associates" or "keepers" should have ensured that he never got in the situations he was in to begin with. He needed help - the mental kind. And instead of helping him they allowed his madness to continue - as long as they got paid. And we got entertained. I think it's sad that not only the boys he could have harmed, but even HE was marginalized . . . as long as made records. Tragic . . .

It's safe to say he was a tortured soul. He didn't like what he saw in the mirror. I'm sure he didn't like all the jokes on tv, and all the negative print in magazines and papers. Who would?? Now the same group that ignored, took advantage of him, and basically ran him into the ground now act alarmed and surprised at his demise??

Everyone had a hand in his demise, EVERYONE. His family couldn't give him the tough, but real love he needed. His friends took advantage of him, without really helping him. His business partners or associates (or whatever) enabled him to do whatever as long as he made them money. Hell, we forgave all of his crazy, insane behavior as long as the music was good and the concerts were fierce. So - let's stop being hypocritical and celebrate his music, but enough with the "tributes" to how "great" he was. Stop leaving flowers, having candle light vigils - and all that other crap. The only ligit mourning that we even could justify would be to be sad that he will no longer entertain us.

Let the tortured soul die in peace, b/c no one would let him live that way. There, I'm done -- I'm gonna go download some Michael Jackson music now . . . beyatches!

A Poem: The Storm

I've been tested by the strike
of piercing lightening through the heart.
There he stood ravaging my innocence,
but my soul he could not....
The flesh was weak, mending into scars,
but my spirit I found, would not depart.
Deep inside, I hid alone,
hardening the shell around.
Yes, I've been tested by the strike.

I've been tested by the sound
of deafening thunder rattling my bones.
The muffled screams still echo in my mind,
buy my voice he could not....
The words not known, but the feelings remained,
and in time, the emotion would roar out.
From deep inside, I cried,
beneath the shell around.
Yes, I've been tested by the sound.

I've been tested by the volume
of drowning water stealing my breath.
The weight would keep me down,
but my faith he could not....
The path not clear, but the tasks crystal,
step by step, my sweet release closer.
Deep inside, I healed,
beneath the shell around.
Yes, I've been tested by the volume.

Through the sweet tears of pain,
I saw HIS light raditating out.
HIS love would lift me up,
my sorrows would not....
With HIS sacrifice, the life within awoke,
moment after moment, my heart beat.
Deep inside, HE was always with me.
WE shattered the shell.
Yes, I saw HIS light after the storm...

(not exactly what Pastor Ty spoke about today, but this has been circling my head since church)

Feeling Much Butter, So to Speak

You probably are thinking that the title of this little entry is a typo . . . but it's not. Not by a long shot . . . but we'll get to that.

I haven't blogged solely about the whole lap band experience for a bit, and that's b/c I've been a bit preoccupied - but time for self reflection is now. I go in tomorrow for my third fill - and it's much needed.

While the weight loss is still fantastic, I've been eating more than I should. I'm supposed to eat until I'm not hungry, and while I still eat small portions, I've graduated from 3 to 4 meals over the past few weeks to keep me satiated. That's just too many. I did skip my last fill appointment b/c things were going so well - so this is not at all unexpected or a concern. I just want to make sure all is a-okay inside.

So, that brings me to this -- as of right now I've lost 74 pounds. That's a lot!! I couldn't even visualize how much that is or what it looks like, so I did some computations and research, and I thought this might help line it up for ya. Below is a list of items that weigh 74 lbs . . .

• 32,560 mosquitos
• 2,041 compact discs
• 8.5 gallons of milk
• 15,392 pennies
• 252 iPhones
• roughly 3.5 bags of dog food
• about 5 15 lbs bowling balls
• 23 of my laptop computers
• 9 Wilson Kitty's
• almost 1 Ragan
• 29 pairs of shoes
• 148 double whoppers
• and for a visual effect - 4 sticks of butter is roughly the size and consistency of 1 pound of fat - so that's 296 sticks of butter (Paula Dean would be appauled)

Now THAT'S putting it into perspective. I find myself speechless at times, and not able to put into words what's going on in my life. As many of you know, I do believe in God - and he is very strong in my life right now. I feel very blessed to be able to even type these results - it's very humbling, and at the same time very, very liberating!

This past week - I've had several "firsts" that I haven't been able (or comfortable) to do in a long time -- I put down the armrest in between the driver's and passengers seat of my car, I tucked in my shirt (still wasn't totally comfortable with that), I walked 3 miles for the Memory Walk 2009 for Alzheimer's (btw thx donors!!), and have the energy to work full time, go to school, and work out. Crazy I know . . .

So - to put it in another way - I'm feeling much, much butter, thank you!

A lot goin' on . . .

Funny how things are grouped together even when you don't plan it. Makes you busy, busy, busy. Main difference for me this time around is that I'm enjoying the heck out of almost everything! As I try to hydrate for tomorrow, here's some brief updates to catch y'all up . . .

Memory Walk 2009 is tomorrow.

I'm excited to do it -- and am truly thankful to everyone that donated to help me crush my fund raising goal! I raised $350 to help fight Alzheimer's!! Tomorrow should be nice so can't wait to do the three mile trek.

School is going fantastically. I was worried about starting back again and how it would all go, but it's been such an awesome experience. I approach college this time around in a different way, more like a job for lack of a better analogy -- and half way thru my first course I've got an A!

Work is work . . . blah!

I've lost 72 lbs!!! I have a doctor's appointment for my next fill for my band, and it's time to get one. Over the past 2 weeks, I've been quite hungry and have eaten more than I have been in the past. So - that means it's time to get my band adjusted. I've had 2 adjustments, and I'm supposed to have 3 to 6 fills to get the band in the right spot, so it's time.

Going back home in August to see my Dad show the Gran Torino he restored at a car show in Ft. Worth. I haven't been back since my surgery so I'm excited to see them and show them my results.

And finally . . . I caved. I got an iPhone today . . . and YES as much as I am LOATHED to admit it - I love it.

Well -- that's pretty much it for now I think . . . so wish me luck tomorrow!