Poem: Slaying the Beast

Illuminated in warmth,
The confidence of the warrior,
Burning deep in my soul.

Fighting for my freedom
From the oppression and pain,
The enemy on death’s door

The rage of anger
Pulsing through every fiber
Readying to slay the dragon.

I stop and ponder
The thought of mercy in my mind,
Looking down at my antagonist.

We’ve spent so long together,
Became comfortable, Became resigning,
Snared in its neglectful tentacles.

Not pity, but empathy, for I understand.
But impale the demon I must.
And my patient sword I thrust.

Its breath stops,
My eyes close,
My demon is almost dead . . .

Gym, Lunch, Tears, Scarves

I realized I haven't actually just randomly "journaled" in awhile, and really thought today would be a nice day to do so . . .

The day started with Ragan trying to push me off the bed at 10:00am probably b/c either he needed to go outside, or he hid a chewie under my pillow and now couldn't get to it. I woke up and promptly cuddled with the pooch for a bit (he's a bit needy) and then headed to the gym. Today was just a light cardio day - and today's first great event happened . . . I fell off the plateau!!! My body is starting to lose weight again . . . two pounds this week for a total of 96. That's freaking AWESOME!!!

So then, all showered, cologned, and nervous . . . I go on a date. (No - it is NOT the guy that was the DFH from a few weeks ago) We went to HuHot and had a great time, good lunch, and just all in all good visit. He's quite the charmer and has a nice smile . . . but that's all you get for now. Gonna keep the rest secret cuz I don't wanna jinx it. (If you're keeping count - that's great event #2 for the day)

I decide after lunch that I need to go check out the big boy clothing store b/c it's clearance time and they usually have a shirt or two that I like to buy for pretty cheap. PLUS . . . everyone is riding me to get a smaller size shirt b/c all my clothes are 2 sizes to big now. I go and hit up the size down from what I had on. (I started at a 6x, was wearing a 5x, and was happy that the 4x's were fitting). So, I find a really cute one on the rack (gonna wear it on my date this weekend!) and then the sales lady is like -- Joe, you can wear a size smaller than that!

I don't really think I can . . . but she insists and so I grab a 3x and head back into the dressing room. Side note -- (and this is kind of important) -- I have been struggling to actually SEE the weight loss change. I see myself everyday - and the baggy clothes don't help (cuz I still see what's underneath) - so it's where I struggle. It's common among those with rapid weight loss b/c the mind doesn't quite grasp the changes as quickly as they are actually happening.

Sooooooo, I try on the shirt and then step out and look in the mirror. And I cry. Just a little but they were DEFINITELY tears of joy. It fit . . . and for the first time I could actually SEE how much weight I had lost on my body. I really wasn't ready to see that, but then not sure if you ever really are, but it was a bit overwhelming. This definitely ranks as great event #3.

In celebration of a rather glorious day . . . I go to Target and buy some scarves - from the mens section (Gracie!!) . . . so all in all - today was fantastic and I am quite content. Haven't had many great days like today so gonna just enjoy it for awhile . . .

(oh, and I'm off work tonight AND tomorrow night!!!)

A Poem: Dichotomy

“Dichotomy”

It’s not just naughty.
It’s a chance to give a piece of your spirit,
your essence, a piece of your core.
You share something hidden in the depths of your heart
something so pure, so pristine, so perfect,
It’s not just naughty.
~
It’s not just nice.
It’s a chance to unleash the beast within,
your primal instinct, a basic desire.
You engage in activities that stimulate your sensations
something so exciting, so exhilarating, so exhausting.
It’s not just nice.
~
The touch, the bond, the insatiable quest –
The sweat, the passion, the emotion –
The two shades of your heart, the dichotomy of your spirit –
something that touches your faith and your lust -
Complex, confusing, complicated, compounding –

It’s not just naughty, it’s not just nice.