www.dating.com

My computer!!  Sort of :)

So – it’s 2011 and there’s this handy little thing called an internet. It can help you find all kinds of things you never thought you needed – like superhero underwear, white watches, Disney branded gifts, even a pink A&M one-sie for your niece. It’s also makes finding things you need a lot easier – like a pizza for a party, scores from the latest basketball game (VCU?? Seriously??), hotel rooms in other states (NOLA! SD!), and yes – even a date.


That’s right kiddos – online dating is out there. You’ve seen the ads, from eHarmony, match.com, cupid.com, plentyofish.com (thx Gaga & Brit!), etc., etc. There’s even iPhone apps for it (Grindr for those that know) among others. So yes skittles, I have adventured into the world of online dating. It is 2011, and lets face it kids, there’s not a whole lot of options in Top City – but there really should be a translation book out there.

There’s just some real silliness posted out there online – so I thought I’d let you in on some of the stuff that makes me giggle or even outright laugh:

• The bare chest profile pic with phone/camera obstructing the face
Decoded: I’m not out of the closet. No relationship here, just – well – you know

• Same above, with the statement “Not looking to hookup”
Decoded: Yes you are

• Description of traits of an ideal guy that end with “Step to the front of the line”
Decoded: I’m desperate; I’ll go out with anyone. And I’ll trade up the first chance I get. How vain are you to think there is a line of men waiting to date you?  (And seriously – if there was actually a line would they be online??)

• Statement says “Your place only”
Decoded: I’m married/partnered and my wife/partner doesn’t know I’m cheating. Don’t tell!

• Ending a profile description that says “I don’t do drama!”
Decoded: Yes, you do. How would you know what drama is without doing it, and I’m guessing you are the main cause of said “drama” and therefore do “drama” a lot

• Having the terms “hot,” “sexy,” or “stud” in your signin
Decoded: I’m more into me than I am to you. And I know it too. Narcissism at its finest lol.

• Saying you are “discrete”
Decoded: You really mean “creepy” – you don’t want anyone to know what you are up to and that just makes me shiver

• And the one that makes me laugh the most – “Be masculine. I only like real men.”
Decoded: Hahahahaha – Are there really desperate women posing as gay men?

Good luck my fellow singles, straight, gay, lesbian, or bi – it’s a tough world out there!

Westboro, Supreme Court, Slashed Tires, and Trash

So yeah, I live in Westboro here in Topeka, KS.  Okay -- well actually like two blocks north.  Westboro is a quaint neighborhood area on the west side of the captial building.  It has some beautiful homes.  And one f*cked up church . . .

Yup -- I live two blocks north of the infamous Westboro Baptist Church.  Yes . . . THAT one.  So why am I blogging about this?  Well, I just wanted to weigh in on a few recent develoments . . .

One, the Supreme Court upheld a lower courts ruling that they have the right to protest at military funerals.  Now let me get this out -- I absolutely DETEST them -- but they do have that right.  We live in a country where we can protest whatever we want, no matter how assanine or retarded we are about it.  Our country was built on that right -- and I wouldn't support anyone losing it.  It doesn't mean I have to listen, or acknowledge them.  I know a lot of people are upset about that ruling, but I'm not.  I wouldn't want my right to attend the Million Fag March (and yes, I'll be there, April 30th) to be interfered with because it offends someone.  We have to allow everyone a voice, even if we don't like what they are saying with it.  I do feel the Supreme Court got this one right.

Secondly, and admittedly I giggled when I read this article, someone slashed the tires of the Westboro Baptist Church minivan in McAlister, Oklahoma; and then no one in the town would provide service to them.  (Click HERE to read the article in the Tulsa Journal.)  I don't condone violence, or vandalism, and really wouldn't EVER recommend anyone do this to anyone -- I think a little "Golden Rule" was in effect in this situation.  Some people are worried that they will sue the small businesses that refused to fix their tires, but it's legal refuse service as long as it's not a violation of someone civil rights (i.e. NO shirt, NO shoes, NO service).  I'm wondering if they could even argue that they refused service as a form of protest . . .

Finally -- and many know about this -- they aren't really protesting anything.  They protest in front of churches, a local park, Sonic (WTF on that??), a video store, and funerals.  And they use the same signs over and over and over.  No point -- just trying to upset everyone.

The leader of that cult (and yes, it really is that) started off protesting gay events and gay funerals.  He received tons of coverage, and he became famous.  And then people started ignoring him, and not paying attention to him.  Typical of all fame whores, he couldn't deal with the fact that he was being ignored.  So -- how to generate more news coverage??  Now he protests military funerals.  That pisses off more than just the "gays."    Don't believe me about the "fame whore" claim -- how about trying to stage a Quran burning on 9/11 after the pastor in Florida called his off due to all the attention he received . . . yeah, too bad no one paid attention.  (Click HERE to read that article).  One thing effective fame whores know is that you have to be original . . .

So -- the point of my post.  It isn't to rail the WBC.  I could care less what they do.  THAT is my point in this post.  Everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE, just needs to ignore them.  I do.  I have the same opinion of them as I do trash on the side of the road -- I don't like it existing but I don't really stop and do anything about it.  I just don't care enough.  So -- there you have it.  One gay man's strategy on how he feels about the WBC crazies walking up and down the sidewalks.

The bottom line is they really don't have anything to say.  They just want you to pay attention to them.

To Mr. Whomever You Will Be . . .

Okay, so I say I hate Valentine's Day . . . I don't hate it.  I don't like it either.  For me it's just another day.  It's like last Tuesday, or the following Thursday.  It really has never held a special meaning for me.  Partly because, well, I haven't had a valentine in a long, long time.  I had so much going on upstairs, I really didn't have a chance to find someone. 

So, I'm looking.  Not desperatly seeking, or crazily, but just looking . . . and to Mr. Whomever You Will Be, I just want you to know, I'm just me . . .

“Just Me”

I can’t compete with the sexy young thing,
Strutting across the dance floor, showing is bling.
He’s hot, he’s a dream,
He haunts all the men’s memories.
I’m a bit shy, stand off by the side.
I don’t like everyone to know me, sometimes I hide.
But with you my hips begin to move
And the beat infects me, I start to groove.
I don’t know what will be,
I only know I’m not him, I’m just me.

I can’t outshine the drag queen on stage,
Swinging her hips, acting half her age.
She’s sassy, she’s crass,
She lets you slap her ass.
I move slowly, even though I want to go fast.
Take every step deliberately, I want it to last.
I’ll admit, deep within, a closet freak resides,
I just don’t know how to unleash it from inside.
My desires are welling, my heart is free,
I can only say I’m not her, I’m just me.

I can’t eclipse the furry bear
Flexing his muscles, wearing his leather.
He’s manly, he’s strong,
His desire burns hard and long.
I am a work in progress, it takes time.
I struggle at times to keep my eye on the prize.
I will try to fulfill your fantasies, your desires,
I can only promise to try to keep ablaze the fire.
My love burns strong, could that make you happy?
I promise you I’m not any of them, I’m just me.