Sorry, I'm Falling

I know I said it would never happen again, it’s not like I planned this out. You are sitting there looking at me tapping your foot and looking at me over the rim of your glasses like this was some sort of planned event. As if somehow, some way, this was all MY doing.

Seriously?? What control did I have? I was merely walking through the doors that were open. I can’t predict what’s up the road. I’m not freaking Ms. Cleo or anything. You can’t be mad about this forever you know . . . you just can’t.

Look – what did you EXPECT me to do? Explain that to me. What am I supposed to do when I’m faced with a situation like this? I did what you wanted for awhile, and neither of us were happy, at all . . . and now you get all mad because I decide to try something different?

Don’t blame me for wanting to be happy. And don’t act like I’m not aware of what all the risks are here. I know what they are, well some of them anyway. I still remember the pain from last time. It was a long time ago, but I remember. You’re not the only one.

So here’s the deal. I’m doing this. I’m gonna jump. I’m fully aware that there is no net. You want to jump with me, your choice. But I’m not sitting this one out. I’m not going to follow the same path over and over and expect things to change. That’s insanity . . .

I’m falling.

5 Weeks After: Six Inches

Everyone get your mind out of the gutter . . .

So, haven't gone to weigh in a while, mainly b/c I've been kinda busy. Work was a bit of a mess when I got back, but that's to be expected since I was out for so long. Not in a bad way, just had to catch up on stuff.

I was thinking about weighing, but held off. Mainly because of how I lose weight. My body is dropping the weight in small jolts -- not really a smooth process. I'm sure everyone is like that, which is why they tell me not to weigh more than once every 2 weeks. What I've found is that I'll lose weight, then my weight will remain steady and I'll lose inches. Never really both at the same time though . . . which is kinda weird, but I'm okay with it.

So - as you might have guessed by now (unless your mind is still in the gutter, which I think is hilarious btw) I've lost 6 inches on my waist line. Kind of caught me off guard because it was quite sudden, like this past week. Last weekend I tried on a pair of shorts that were smaller and I just couldn't get them all the way on (like up on my waist). Today - I'm wearing them comfortably while at Starbucks blogging about it . . . Kinda cool . . .

I went into my basement last weekend and went through all of the smaller sizes I have to see what still I can wear now, and I practically have a new wardrobe. I know the weight loss will slow down to a more gradual level - it has too b/c I don't think my body can keep up - but it's really neat to be doing this.

The neatest thing that has happened to date was at work yesterday. Two people were walking towards me (from quite a bit of distance away) and when I got to them they stopped me. One of them said that they commented on the fact that I am looking really good right now. The other one said, "Yeah, and he's happy too." Looking good is nice, but being truly content and happy is the best thing ever . . .

Life in HD

Ever notice how sometimes life just comes at you all at once?? Not in a bad, or good way . . . it's just clear. It's been awhile since life has come at me in HD, but right now, my life is in HD. I feel like I can see where it's great, and where it needs work. It's kinda neat. Kinda like watching live events in HD -- sometimes it freaking awesome, and sometimes a bit scary.

My niece answered the phone when I called my brother, and wanted to know if I was gonna spend the night. It made me smile a bit, since I hadn't had anyone ask if I was gonna spend the night in a long, long time. She was so excited to learn that Ragan would be coming with me, and that I would indeed spend the night at my brother's house. My family is coming in loud and clear -- they miss me and love me. Can't wait to move back closer to home (2010 hopefully!!!).

My television is actually now in HD, finally. Yes, I had a flat screen tv for awhile, but just never saw the need to get that dvr thing. My friends had it and I always watched shows over there. My favorite show, the closer, I could watch on dvd when it comes out, and there isn't much else that I watch. Well, 2 new shows are out (Leverage and Trust Me, ironically both on TNT with the Closer) and I just had to get a dvr. So -- now my tv is clear.

My bff Grace (yes, we have joe & grace shirts!!) is getting married in October. Everytime we talk, it gets a little more real. We've planned to do dress shopping, tux shopping, center piece planning, etc. over the course of the next few months. I've got to work on invites, programs, and place cards. And now we're leaning towards doing a playlist CD as a favor for the guests of the wedding. A way for them to share their gratitude with their families and friends. I'm so happy for her, and for him too! They are so in love -- and that is clear to me too. Love is still out there for me, and it will find me just like it found Gracie.

Finally, the holidays are clear to me too. It's cold (like single digits!) and the hustle and bustle, even in these times, is in the air. Many, like me, are buying less and buying bargains, but it's still holidays. All that's left for me is to wrap presents and put 'em in the back of the car. :) It's Christams time in the city . . . clearly . . .

So, I'm a fan of life in HD -- I like seeing everything clearly. Hopefully, you are seeing the positives, as well as the challenges, in HD too.

I leave you with a sneak peak at the playlist for the wedding CD -- like everything we do -- it will change -- but that's part of the fun!

Ain't No Other Man - Christina Aguilera
Your Song - Elton John
Feels Like Home - Chantal Kreviazuk
(She's) Some Kind of Wonderful - Huey Lewis & the News
The Greatest - Michelle Williams
The Way - Clay Aiken
Everything - Michael Buble'
I'd Wait for Life - Take That
Love is Strange - Mickey & Sylvia
You're the One That I Want - John Travolta & Olivia Newton-John
Angels - Robbie Williams
Will You Marry Me? - Paula Abdul
Rule the World - Take That
Realize - Colbie Caillat
I'll Be Loving You Long Time - Mariah Carey
Save the Last Dance - Michael Buble'
2 Hearts - Kylie Minogue
Something to Talk About - Bonnie Raitt
Wonderful Tonight - Eric Clapton