Random Thoughts in the Key of G

I'm sitting here not entirely sure why I'm blogging this.  I would call this entry more of a free thought, free flowing train of my random thoughts.  I guess I just feel the need from time to time to open the small door of my craziness to the world outside.  I think it makes you appreciate sanity more . . . lol!

So, the basics first.  I'm in front of my computer listening to just about the best Gaga song EVER . . . (Bad Romance in case you were curious) in my sweats.  Ragan is sleeping next to my chair, Wilson is in the bedroom on my bed, and I have no idea where Kahlua is hiding, probably in Ragan's kennel, her new favorite spot.

Ever wonder if someone thinks the same thing about you that you do about them?  I'll just start off with being single sucks.  Well, not sucks, but is very frustrating.  I know relationships are hard work, and I by no mean imply that life is soooo much better with one, I just know that I want one.  So, someone has caught my eye (true story!).  And as anything that happens in my life, it's complicated.  I never think that someone looks at me that way, and well, I wish I knew if he did.  Would make things soooooooo much easier.  Kinda like Gaga says . . . I don't wanna be friends!  I mean I do, but I don't . . . Somehow I always end up in the dreaded "friend zone" . . . And I'm always scared that I'm misreading the situation. 

A bit down about the whole grad school thing.  I basically am getting turned down by two of my schools.  I'm on the dreaded "back up" list . . . Texas Tech and UNT both have already contacted applicants to come down for an interview day, and well . . . I didn't get an invite.  A bit bummed out by that but like one of my professors said, I know I can continue on for my Master's where I'm at.  Not that I don't love Washburn, but I really, really want to get a PhD . . . so I might be going through all this again next year . . . ugh!

I'm really excited about presenting the results of my research this Spring.  I'm doing it three times . . . once at a University level, once at a multi-state level, and finally at a whole Midwest level.  It's kind of exciting!!!  We'll see how all that goes . . . but I'm excited for the experience!!!  Sooner or later I'll finish up my research paper and potentially even work on getting it published.

I wonder why I pay for cable tv . . . I NEVER WATCH IT anymore.  I love me some cable internet, but I never watch any shows on tv . . . I just don't get myself sometimes . . . I need to cowboy up and take the cable box back and say that I just want internet -- nuttin' else.  Sooner or later I guess I will . . .

I'm craving some Oreos & milk hard core right now . . . good thing I have neither in my house!!

Am I Pretty?

Before you get ready to send me some note to tell me to cheer up or I am -- I'm not asking this question.  Rather, I'm answering it for someone.  Someone, who quite frankly, shocked me when that person asked me this question.  It was someone that I felt was pretty, as you'll see later, as well as cute as hell!  It caught me off guard that he would ask a question I essentially wonder all the time about myself.

While it wasn't exactly worded that way, the gist was definitely those three little words that at some time, in some form or fashion, we all want to know.  "Am I pretty?"

What makes someone pretty?  We all know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so in this case since I'm the beholden, I get to answer that question.  To me, only a few things make someone pretty. 

Let's get the obvious out of the way -- I'm not talking about attractive.  Attractive is defined by society and culture, and I think we are all pretty well versed on what our culture finds attractive.  Attractive activates the lust within us all -- both exciting as well as fleeting.  Pretty is much more intense, slower to come to the surface, and what makes love endure, in my book.

One more caveat before I answer his question.  It was asked by someone that is a-straight, and b-not looking to test out "the other team" so to speak.  He asked it because he knew I'd give an unbiased opinion with nothing behind it. 

So, are you pretty?  Let me look into your eyes.  Do you have that spark, that spirit, that light?  Is that fire burning within, that passion for life?  When you look at me, can I tell without even seeing you?  Yes, your gaze is electric, exciting, and dare I say a bit dangerous.  You are pretty because of what I can see deep in your eyes.  Life with you will never be dull, and never lose it's passion.

Touch my shoulder, or my hand.  Not in a sensual way, but in a casual way.  Maybe a nice hug.  Was there something warm in that embrace?  Did my heart flutter a bit?  Did yours?  Can you communicate your emotions, how you feel, through a touch?  If a heart rate changes, or a deep breath happens, you can.  Life with you would never be lonely, never be cold.

Talk to me.  Not in that 900 number way . . . but rather in a way that opens the door to you.  Be honest, be upfront.  Can you share what you fear?  Can you communicate your dreams?  Without even trying, can you engage me in a conversation that blurs time.  You know, the kind when you turn around and are like -- seriously??  We've been talking for HOW LONG??  Life with you would be emotionally and intellectually rewarding. 

So this is how I define "pretty" -- and while it's true that he probably didn't want to know all this -- it's all good.  He gave me a great topic for a blog entry, and made me think about what I do find pretty.  And he is very, very pretty indeed . . .

Nothing Coherent Today

I find myself at a point where I can't really string together a coherent thought today. Not sure why . . .

I'd love to rant about the gulf oil leak going on and how we should all boycott BP, but just don't want to do the research . . .

Saw a thought provoking story on AC360 (sidenote -- love Anderson Cooper!) about children and racism, but can't stay focused on it today.

Could fill you in on a fantastic week I had down in Texas visiting family & friends, but I'm just not ready to divulge all that yet.

I can excite you about my upcoming research project that will take place this summer -- but then you might not be able to participate in my experiment.

Yeah -- I'm just all over the board today. I guess I can leave you with this one truth about what you might see in JJ's head . . . genuine happiness. It's amazing how wonderful my life has become. I can only say thank you to God above, and my family and friends here with me.

12 months and counting . . . and I do mean COUNTING . . . (and yes that is a funny billboard if you think about it)

Alphabits (Thanx Dave!)

Let's see where this leads, shall we??

A - Aggie Pride! I am first and foremost a proud graduate of Texas A&M University. I was a member of the Corps of Cadets while there, and won several awards for leadership my senior year. I loved the experience.

B - Blogger - I have never been one to journal anything. I used to think it was because I didn't have anything to say, but turns out I just hate writing it all down. I love blogging the krazy that's in my head though . . .

C - Creative - I don't think I'm dedicated enough to call myself an artist or writer, but love to dabble. I am proud of my creativity, and love any opportunity to share it.

D - Diabetic - Yup, recent diagnosis is that I've developed Type II Diabetes. I go into the lab on Monday for definitive tests, but I know I am. I was given a glucose meter, and in 5 readings so far, I've only had a normal reading once. However, this problem should resolve itself . . .

E - Engineer - Yes, I have an engineering degree . . . and no, I don't use it -- or really want to.

F - Forgetful - I am such a scatter brain. I was going to put ADD on A, but that was too easy. It fits here though . . . because sometimes I just can't stay focused and I forget things. My team at work is so used to it that they just look at me and say "you gonna write that down?" That helps.

G - Gracie - She is such a wonderful blessing in my life. A friend that giggles, gossips, and is genuine. It's so funny, but I just can't imagine not having her in my life now. She's such a wonderful gal. I never really thought I'd have friends like that, but she's one!

H - Hilarity - If you ever were in the same room with me, Darin, and David, well . . . you'd eventually see some hilarity.

I - Intellect - a strong, witty intellect is extremely sexy.

J - Joe Joe :)

K - Kuhraysee - to quote the great RuPaul, "I don't know karate, but I do know kuhraysee!"

L - Love - I hope one day to meet someone that I fall in love with again. I miss being in love . . . I love a lot and want to love someone, and want to be loved (and I do mean like that too).

M - Men - Men are HAWT!

N - Nerd - I am such a nerd, and love it! I love computers, gadgets, technology, cell phones, hd tv's . . . I could go on and on. I do have some restraint on spending, sometimes, but I just love to oogle nerdy stuff :)

O - Optimist - Okay, I say I hate being tagged as one, but I really don't. After years of depression and all the fun stuff that comes with it, I love the fact that I can stay positive and make the best of tough situations. Damn, my therapist would be proud.

P - PHAT - I have a goal, to be healthy, get my cholestorol in order, walk a 10K and then a marathon, and be PHAT . . . guys -- any takers ;)

Q - Quixotic - I am a hopeless romantic. I want to be swept off my feet. I want someone to send me flowers (just once). I want a picnic in the moonlight. I want to be in love.

R - Ragan - My pooch!!! I love him so much . . . best thing I ever did was get him! It's almost frisbee weather too -- which is always fun.

S - Sarcasm - guilty . . .

T - Target - Love it for so many reasons -- not least of which is it's my employer. 10 years in June and still going strong. It's not always roses, but more often than not, it's fun. The culture is like no where I've heard (since it's my only job since graduation).

U - Uncle - the closest I'll ever be to being a father. That responsibility scares the living crap out of me. If I was straight, I still don't think I'd want kids. I know me too well . . .

V - Villianous - I think we all have that little bit of piss and vinegar in us. Sometimes, I'm just cantakerous and have to pick at someone. I don't like to be vicious, but I do love to be a bit antagonistic . . . especially at work. (insert evil laugh)

W - Wilson - the evil orange cat that drives me insane -- if he's not sleeping he's on my damn nerves!!! ARGH!!!

X - Xeroflulogitis - I thought I'd suffer from this during this entry, but I really didn't.

Y - Yearn - If you got this far and don't know what I yearn for, then you missed some letters (like L, M, P, and Q)

Z - Zygote - we we're all one once . . .

Whew . . . I made it. That was kinda hard . . .

Random with your Cheerios

Not sure where this unintended stream of consciousness is going to lead, but it's 5am and I can't go back to sleep -- so I guess I'm going to amuse/punish y'all with the random bits floating around in my head. I equate those random bits to the last few Cheerios floating in the milk. They run away from your spoon and it becomes your life's mission to get them all . . . you don't know why but it does. (Don't ask me what that has to do with anything . . . )

So, let's start with the picture -- that is the new stadium of the Dallas Cowboys. It's a huge monstrous building in the middle of Arlington, TX, which is ironically closer to Ft. Worth than Dallas. In fact, it's no longer even in Dallas County (which is where they used to play). It's a mammoth of an over compensation for Jerry Jones. I call the structure Jerry's Ego . . .

Isn't it odd that while the economy was humming along (I know Claire, I used the phrase) that all the financial pundits complained that we weren't saving enough. Now, the saving rate among American's is at it's highest since the 1930's (re: depression) and they are all mad b/c the consumer isn't spending?? Seems to me the American consumer (re: me) is just a bit tired of blowing all his/her money and is taking a breathe. I say keep saving and being fiscally responsible -- let the house of cards continue to fall until we get back on some stable footing again . . . (and keep in mind I'm not a saver naturally, i'm a shopper!)

Whatever happened to Toni Braxton?? I loved some of her songs ("Another Sad Love Song" "I Don't Want To" and "Unbreak my Heart") and then nothing . . . She had such a sultry voice. Had the Zune on random and it just played her -- seems I'm not the only thing that's random right now :)

Why is American Idol (or for that matter any of the competition shows) classified as reality tv? It's not. Not by a long shot -- it's really just a different version of a game show. Whether it's racing across the globe in Amazing Race or stabbing someone in the back on Surivor (seriously?? that show is still on??) it's all a big game. If those shows are reality then am I on tv??

I love being the person at work that will speak his mind. It doesn't do a lot for moving up the ladder, but I like the rung I'm on at work anyway. It's kind of entertaining to watch the fear that some people have in their faces when I speak -- like what am I gonna say?? I don't do it on purpose, I just am honest. Sometimes honesty scares people -- and that makes me wonder why business leaders are so scared of honesty. I mean - isn't that one of the reasons that the e-thing is such a mess?? Because of dishonesty . . . kind of ironic isn't it??

Why do I always title my blog and then when I'm done, go back and change it?? Am I the only one that does this?? (btw - I called it Daily Dose of Random before I got on the Cheerios kick)

Grace and I should have had a film crew following us around while doing her wedding stuff. It just seems like craziness ensues wherever we go -- and it's not our doing. It just follows us around . . . like a lost puppy . . . lookin' for Cheerios in milk . . .