Am I Pretty?

Before you get ready to send me some note to tell me to cheer up or I am -- I'm not asking this question.  Rather, I'm answering it for someone.  Someone, who quite frankly, shocked me when that person asked me this question.  It was someone that I felt was pretty, as you'll see later, as well as cute as hell!  It caught me off guard that he would ask a question I essentially wonder all the time about myself.

While it wasn't exactly worded that way, the gist was definitely those three little words that at some time, in some form or fashion, we all want to know.  "Am I pretty?"

What makes someone pretty?  We all know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so in this case since I'm the beholden, I get to answer that question.  To me, only a few things make someone pretty. 

Let's get the obvious out of the way -- I'm not talking about attractive.  Attractive is defined by society and culture, and I think we are all pretty well versed on what our culture finds attractive.  Attractive activates the lust within us all -- both exciting as well as fleeting.  Pretty is much more intense, slower to come to the surface, and what makes love endure, in my book.

One more caveat before I answer his question.  It was asked by someone that is a-straight, and b-not looking to test out "the other team" so to speak.  He asked it because he knew I'd give an unbiased opinion with nothing behind it. 

So, are you pretty?  Let me look into your eyes.  Do you have that spark, that spirit, that light?  Is that fire burning within, that passion for life?  When you look at me, can I tell without even seeing you?  Yes, your gaze is electric, exciting, and dare I say a bit dangerous.  You are pretty because of what I can see deep in your eyes.  Life with you will never be dull, and never lose it's passion.

Touch my shoulder, or my hand.  Not in a sensual way, but in a casual way.  Maybe a nice hug.  Was there something warm in that embrace?  Did my heart flutter a bit?  Did yours?  Can you communicate your emotions, how you feel, through a touch?  If a heart rate changes, or a deep breath happens, you can.  Life with you would never be lonely, never be cold.

Talk to me.  Not in that 900 number way . . . but rather in a way that opens the door to you.  Be honest, be upfront.  Can you share what you fear?  Can you communicate your dreams?  Without even trying, can you engage me in a conversation that blurs time.  You know, the kind when you turn around and are like -- seriously??  We've been talking for HOW LONG??  Life with you would be emotionally and intellectually rewarding. 

So this is how I define "pretty" -- and while it's true that he probably didn't want to know all this -- it's all good.  He gave me a great topic for a blog entry, and made me think about what I do find pretty.  And he is very, very pretty indeed . . .

Reflections: JJ's Top 10 for 2010



A little karaoke at College Hill with some friends!

 Well, it’s that time of year when everyone puts out their Top 10 List. You can find a top 10 albums, top 10 songs, top 10 movie trailers, top 10 appetizers, top 10 scandals . . . hell, you can even find the top 10 pet videos! Well, I haven’t done a great job at blogging in a while, but want to get back into it for this upcoming year. So, to kick off my motivation, I thought I’d share the top 10 moments of my life for 2010. While in no particular order (well, they are in the order they popped into my head), they are all each special to me, and since I'm a bit of a diva, I knew you'd want me to share them with you!


• I kissed a boy and I liked it. Not being romantically inclined, or risky, it was somewhat out of character for me, and it was a very nice kiss. While what I wanted to come from that kiss didn’t, it was a very special kiss. And, it was the very first thing I did in 2010, so it really had to be included on this list .

• Bob turned 1 year old! My lap band is named “Bob” fyi . . . and he turned 1 in February. Don’t even know how to begin to describe the change in my life, but my BFF Gracie and Eric conspired to throw Bob a party – and it was very special indeed.

• Rolling with a 4.0 in Psych! What a rough year in school. I really had to buckle down through some very tough courses and am quite proud of the results thus far. I’ve got one semester left in undergrad, and to still have a 4.0 is something that I’m very proud of. Now if I could just learn to write better . . . lol 

• Lady Gaga in St. Louis!!!!! Something that was truly spectacular, amazing, fantabulous, and full of awesomeness. And not just because it was Gaga, but who I got to share it with!!!

• Best Man in the Maxwell/Guiterrez wedding in San Diego. To be asked to stand as someone’s best man is quite humbling. My name is on their marriage license!!! I truly cherish everytime I’ve been asked – and who doesn’t love a wedding reception?? And in San Diego to boot?? Yeah, it was awesome on like 17 different levels . . .

• Sunday’s at Starbucks with my BFF!!! Yeah, it’s not an unusual event, but it’s something I cherish. We say we are gonna “study” while there – but truth is we study before and afterwards, it’s kinda our BFF time.

• Skin Removal in August. I was kinda mum on this for some reason I realized, but in August I had the extra skin from my belly removed from my weightloss. It was awesome . . . and painful. The best part, in all honesty, was just the love I felt from two very special ladies that drove up from Texas to take care of me. How Mom and Aunt Cookie got me from the hospital to the hotel room that day I’ll never know. And I’m still a bit stunned they didn’t video me after I woke up from all the drugs . . . I know I said some crazy ass shit!

• Random friendships at IHOP in Wichita. Sometimes you are just meant to meet some people, and they are meant to touch your soul in ways you never expect. No reason, no rhyme, you just are thankful and glad that they did. Love you Roxy and Shonda!!!

• Applying for grad school. Wow . . . I still can’t believe I’m doing this!! I never thought of myself as doctor material . . . but one day, who knows?? It just might be Dr. Joe . . . Now if I can just get into University of Texas, or Texas A&M, or University of North Texas, or Texas Tech, or UT SW Medical Center of Dallas, or Wichita State University . . . just one please . . .

• Falling down in Wichita. Okay . . . so I’ve had a few memorable spills in the city of Wichita . . . one was dancing at Club Fantasy, the other was during Wichita Pride Parade – while I was in the parade!! Both hilarious . . . both memorable . . . both fun to talk about!
I feel very blessed to have had such a jam packed year . . . I’m sure I could keep listing stuff, but gotta stop at ten . . . May 2011 be just as fun, blessed, and full of surprises for everyone . . . I’m looking forward to it 

Goodbye, Old Friends . . .

Oh, my dear, dear friends.  I'm not talking to you blog readers, but rather a pair of shoes.  Sound odd??  You should see the other 60 friends I have in my two closets . . . Now it doesn't seem so odd that I say goodbye to these old friends -- does it??  (or maybe it does, hehe)

The time has come, as in every relationship, to be honest.  Is it going to last?  Is it going to make it through the sands of time?  Or is it time to acknowledge the truth and part ways.  I think, at this point in our lives, it is indeed time to part ways.

Yes, I hear you friends.  You have carried me when I was at my heaviest.  When I couldn't make it more than 5 minutes on the treadmill.  I couldn't walk up a flight of stairs without heavy breathing.  You were there with me . . .

But now where there once was joy, and triumph -- it's just pain now.  You don't support me the way you used to.  You don't carry me when I'm tired and down trodden as you did in the past.  Is there someone else?  Are you just tired of always being there?  I don't know why you've decided, after all the sweat, tears, and miles, to not do what you've always done.

I need -- no wait -- deserve to find someone that puts that extra spring in my step.  You no longer want to do that, or are able to . . . and I can't continue to let you hurt me the way you do now. 

So -- to you my dear friends -- my first pair of workout shoes since my lap bad surgery in Feb 09 -- I bid adieu.  I'll cherish the times together and what we were able to accomplish as a team. 

(chuckle)