Poem: the Phoenix

Thom is right, this will be a birthday I will never forget. There's so many reasons why, but beating the demons that fought for control of me for so long is on top of the list. For the first time in a long, long time, I am content. That doesn't mean I won't continue to move forward, quite the opposite actually. I just have the confidence, faith, and patience to know that I will succeed. Hope everyone has a wonderful Easter weekend - hide an egg for me:)

“the Phoenix”

Reaching up
With dingy hands
Sorrows clogging lungs
Granules of pain
Making it difficult
To see ahead

Climbing up
Pulling life from the abyss
Moving towards the light
Ascending from the pit
The flames have singed
But not destroyed

Looking up
It is bright, the sun warm
Spirit not broken, resolve still strong
Vision clearing, Breath cleansing
Understanding soul
Loving me

Rising up
I am the Phoenix
From the flames that burned
I raise up from the ashes
Living again
Reborn.

A Birthday Reflection

I don't remember many happy birthdays. Not b/c I they were awful, they were just uneventful. I never really put a lot of stock in them. Until today . . .

See -- I've got direction, goals, and desires again. I am in the process of enrolling in college that will eventually thrust me into a completely different career.

I, for the first time in a long time, received an unexpected present. Two friends from work got me lottery tickets and a card . . . simple but sweet. I've haven't felt that special on my birthday in a long time.

I fielded calls from my brothers, dad, and stepmom. Always nice to be remembered. Several text messages - and lunch tomorrow with my bff. Just simple gestures of love, and so treasured. I open my facebook page and am inundated with tons of friends taking a moment out of their day to wish me happy birthday.

It's been a long time since I was happy to get older, but today I was. Truly happy for another year gone by, another challenge behind, and more ahead. I can't wait to see what's in store next for me. It's been a long time since I've been this content, and felt this loved.

Thank you to everyone who thought of me today, it meant more than you can know. Much love -- jj:)

5 Weeks After: Six Inches

Everyone get your mind out of the gutter . . .

So, haven't gone to weigh in a while, mainly b/c I've been kinda busy. Work was a bit of a mess when I got back, but that's to be expected since I was out for so long. Not in a bad way, just had to catch up on stuff.

I was thinking about weighing, but held off. Mainly because of how I lose weight. My body is dropping the weight in small jolts -- not really a smooth process. I'm sure everyone is like that, which is why they tell me not to weigh more than once every 2 weeks. What I've found is that I'll lose weight, then my weight will remain steady and I'll lose inches. Never really both at the same time though . . . which is kinda weird, but I'm okay with it.

So - as you might have guessed by now (unless your mind is still in the gutter, which I think is hilarious btw) I've lost 6 inches on my waist line. Kind of caught me off guard because it was quite sudden, like this past week. Last weekend I tried on a pair of shorts that were smaller and I just couldn't get them all the way on (like up on my waist). Today - I'm wearing them comfortably while at Starbucks blogging about it . . . Kinda cool . . .

I went into my basement last weekend and went through all of the smaller sizes I have to see what still I can wear now, and I practically have a new wardrobe. I know the weight loss will slow down to a more gradual level - it has too b/c I don't think my body can keep up - but it's really neat to be doing this.

The neatest thing that has happened to date was at work yesterday. Two people were walking towards me (from quite a bit of distance away) and when I got to them they stopped me. One of them said that they commented on the fact that I am looking really good right now. The other one said, "Yeah, and he's happy too." Looking good is nice, but being truly content and happy is the best thing ever . . .