Poem: Inside

“Inside”

You’ve shared your pain
Let me know what it’s like when it rains.
You’ve put out that you’re unsure,
That you don’t want to hurt.
You said you tend to push away,
That you aren’t sure what you want this day.
But I’m still here, arms open wide,
Because I’ve seen the love you have inside.

You’ve shared your desires,
What makes the flame burn deep inside.
You’ve put out exactly what you chase,
You said that to me not to make haste,
From the wall, step outside,
I don’t know why you continue to hide.
But I’m still here, arms open wide,
Because I’ve seen the warmth you have inside.

You’ve shared your kind heart,
Shown every facet, even the dark parts.
You’ve put out that you like to repair,
The things that need a little bit of care.
Look at your soul, and help it mend
It's worth the time that you need to spend.
And I’m still here, arms open wide,
Because I’ve fallen for the light you have inside.

Bring on Year Two

Year one is officially in the books. Year two is off to a bang – how quickly things roll by. You turn around and just the amount of change that can take place in a life is sometimes a bit overwhelming. There are many theories out there about personality and such, and I won’t delve into them now – mainly b/c I’m not versed enough yet – but there is one that talks about every 10 years or so you have a transition in your life, and that transition can be quite big.

Welcome to my transition . . .

The quick, and obvious changes, are of course the external. In one year I’ve lost 165 pounds. I had a goal of getting under 300 by 2/26, and was off just by two days. Two days into my second year, the scale read 299. Next goal is 250 by August – that’s 49 pounds. I’m in a wedding out in San Diego and it’d be cool to be that small by the time the pics are taken. My health is in a good transition.

Also external – my career. For over 10 years, I’ve been an executive at Target working in their Distribution Centers. I’ve loved it – great company, better people, and they really take care of ya. However, it’s no longer my calling. My passion is to help people – maybe through their transitions – who knows. What I do know is that studying for psychology, although challenging at times, has been to date rather rewarding as well. I’ve learned more about myself and human interactions than I thought I would up to this point. The challenge has been daunting this semester – Taking half of a course load and working full time. But the bottom line is that I’m going to transition my career . . . another good transition.

Now one that’s not so obvious – unless you really, really know me. I’ve opened my heart, and am taking a risk. I’ve fallen for someone. I took down my walls and let someone in. I’m so scared about it, but am loving every minute of it. The polar opposites of emotion can sometimes be overwhelming – but that dichotomy of feeling by experiencing all that it has to offer has truly touched my soul. I’m not going to be so scared to love that I don’t ever try – I’ve got to Make It Happen if it’s going to. God only provides the opportunity, you have to walk through and seize the chance. We are learning together, how to take the walls down and trust each other. Yeah, my emotional health is in transition . . . for the better.

So, year one changed a lot, and it looks like Bob’s (or my lab band) second year is going to be just as full of twists and turns. Kinda like the rollercoasters that a certain someone and I are going to ride this summer . . . hold on tight kids – it’s going to be one helluva ride!

Oh – and the boa?? Yeah, I had to wear it to my surprise celebration my bff Gracie and Eric through for me . . . yeah it was a freaking BLAST!!

Don't Miss the Little Things

So, I recently returned from a trip to Texas. My grandmother passed away last Thursday, and I couldn’t stay down there for the funeral due to school, but I was able to visit the family and just be there. It was great to see everyone and to just be around them. On my way back, my stepmom (or as she is known – Mom2) called to let me know she really enjoyed my visit and how much she loves me. It totally made my day.

It also was another example of how important it is to appreciate the little things in life. The little chances to tell people how much they mean to you. How much fun it is to take random adventures when you don’t really know where you’re going? How fun it is to send someone a text message that you know will elicit a WTF response – and probably a giggle or two?

Here’s just a small list of some little things that I was reminded of this past weekend . . .

Snowfall in Texas – It’s such a rare event and we have never gotten as much as they did over the past week (it was like foot). There was literally a snowman in every single yard in my parents’ neighborhood.
My nephew’s hugs (and my nieces’ for that matter)
Laughter in spite of everything else
Telling someone goodnight
Hanging with your old HS friends – like not much has changed
Being told that you need to move back right away
Telling your secrets to someone that will keep them
Getting a message from your BFF that she misses you terribly
Getting a picture texted to you of your cat lying in your dog’s kennel
Someone sending you the word “Yay!”
Reconnecting with a lost friend, and meeting his fiancée
Your Dad telling you he hates Facebook, but loves you

Just small things. What I’m finding out is that life is really worth the little things. The big ones are nice – don’t get me wrong – but if you pay attention to everything around you – there’s much joy to be had. Much indeed . . .