Olympic??

So - yeah...  the olympics are about to happen.  And don't get me wrong -- I love me some olympic competition...  but the commercialization is getting out right ridiculous.  Below are just some samples of crazy "olympic" items that made me think... really??

Olympic makeup -- for that gold medal face?  Or gold face?  Or metallic face?  I'm not sure about this at all....

The list is a little hygiene focused -- but do people really have odor so bad that they need deodorant that is an olympic champion level to contain it??  That's just NASTY! lol

Weird -- just weird, olympic lotion -- leave that up to your imaginations....

 Okay - this one gets style points -- an olympic ring toss game, and each ring is a different color to match the olympic rings...  this one kinda rocks...

WTF???  Gold metallic crocs with a union jack in the heel strap??  for $50??  BAHAHAHAHA!!!
(and keep in mind I do like my crocs)...  But the oddest thing I've found so far is this:

Olympic dog bag holders and bags....  OLYMPIC.... 

It's like throwing an atom bomb...

So, I've been quietly, for the most part, following the Sandusky stuff since November of last year when the story broke for obvious reasons.  I've discussed some points with some friends, but in reality have just listened, watched, and read the information that's been out there.  Not surprisingly, the Freeh report was unbelievably damning, and am pleasantly surprised at the responsibility Penn State is now taking, albeit they really have no option otherwise.  The attachments included in the report are - if nothing else - shockingly devoid of any concern for the victims.  I've read the report, and while dry, it is eye opening on how callous Paterno and his underlings (and I say underlings b/c we all know Paterno was the shot caller now - check out the link above) truly were.

My point for this long overdue entry is this...  people don't realize how damaging child abuse is.  I told a friend this the other day, and totally stand by it today - when someone sexually molests a child, it's like throwing an atom bomb at that child.  Not only is that child's life forever destroyed from what it was going to be (hence the bomb reference), but every person that child will now ever come into contact with will also have their life affected.  It will affect their parents, their friends, their relationships, their teachers/bosses, their coworkers, the professionals that treat the victims, and on and on.  The destruction doesn't stop with just the victim.  I don't think people really understand that part, because (thankfully so) they have not had to experience it first hand. 

However, I think it's starting to sink in on how truly destructive it can be.  Former Penn State linebacker LaVar Arrington (and someone I now greatly admire for his candor and honesty) wrote from the heart in an op ed piece he wrote for the Washington Post after he realized, in his own words, that he was the bait for Sandusky's victims.  (you can read it here, or here).  This kind of honest, upfront thinking is needed by not just Penn State officials, but by people everywhere.  Nike stepped up too, not waiting for public opinion to dictate it's course.  They removed the name of Joe Paterno from their child care center in Oregon the same day the Freeh report was released.  I might go buy some wrist bands in support (since your shoes are too narrow for my feet). 

Do I think Penn State should take down the JoePa statue -- yes.  Do I think they should fire any and all people remotely involved with this scandal -- yes.  Zero tolerance is the only course to take on this issue.  And if any positive can be drawn from this unbelievable horrific tale -- I hope it is this -- that no person, thing, or ideal is more important than the innocence of a child.  By not holding that line, the destruction for that child, and all who know that child, will be nuclear.

Three Cookie Meditation

My great-grandmother Thelma was probably one of the spunkiest and wisest women I've ever known.  When I'd go visit, she'd always, always give me three cookies.  Never asked her why, she never asked how many I wanted, she just always gave me three.  Today, I know why.

I was confronted with a bit of reality about myself today.  Truth, while sometimes upsetting, can also be freeing.  A chance to reflect, learn, adjust, or in my case, I needed three cookies.  Three soft, chewy not really large but not super small chocolate chip cookies.  Always helps.  Thank you Subway on SW Topeka Blvd!

So as I was eating the first cookie, I began to think about what I was told.  I didn't really like what I was hearing, I didn't really want to identify with the information.  Who were they to put their stuff on me anyway?  I can't worry about always offending people?  What the heck?!?!  I'm just trying to be authentic and me.  Damn that was a freeing cookie.  I think I'll eat another one...

First bite out of the second cookie.  I don't really want to be seen in that light.  Why am I okay with that perception?  Is that REALLY how I want to be known?  What is wrong with me right now?  Why am I so angry?  Why am I willfully spewing meanness?  Why am I hurting my friends' feelings?  And more importantly, why am I not really noticing?  What is THAT all about??  Damn I'm not sure I like this road.  That cookie was nasty...  I need to eat another one...

Slowly taking a bite out of the third cookie.  So yeah, kind of in conflict.  I'm not upset with anyone around me really.  Yet some venom is spilling over.  Where's that negative energy coming from?  I'm going to just focus on that negative energy for awhile, and focus on the cookie.  Not sure where the source is going.  First cookie was too self righteous, almost like it was loaded with denial.  Second cookie was full of self-pity.  Now I can definitely identify with the emotions of my friends, and at the same time understand that this is not exactly who I am.  Something is festering down there, something is trying to pop out, damn the unconscious.  At least I was able to enjoy that third cookie while understanding more work is needed.

Three cookies.  Three perspectives.  Three ways to look at a problem.  I guess even as a small child she knew that I wouldn't be able to look at something objectively unless I got through the third cookie.  Not that I recommend three cookie meditation a lot.  But used sparingly, it can definitely open up your eyes.  Change is needed, now just to figure out how...

I wonder if there is a philosophy involving Cheetos....

Ain't About the Money

So, this whole grad school thing is a bit scary but really exciting too.  Some MAJOR life changes have taken place in a quick time that honestly, I just haven't processed yet.  No more house (good thing), no more job (good thing), no steady income (not a good thing), and lots of reading (not a good thing, but will be!).

What I'm pondering is "why?" -- and actually I'm not, but some of my acquaintences are.  I say acquatinences b/c those that I'm friends with know me and know why.  But I wanted to explain why, in this economy (so hate that phrase!) I chose to quit a very good job and start on this adventure.

I can sum it all up in three words -- FOUND MY PASSION.  I feel very lucky and blessed to have discovered what motivates and excites me, and it's learning about human behavior, mental health, and all that is tied up with it.  I get excited at the thought of learning about this -- and practicing it.  I find it odd that people have the tendency to offer me their advice on what I'm doing -- especially now that I'm doing it...

Yes I know it's a long haul for my doctorate (like 7 - 8 years)
Yes I know I'm going to want to pull my hair out at times
Yes I know I won't be able to make tons of money
Yes I know it's going to be a huge challenge

I'm not motivated by money or ease though, not anymore.  If one day, down the line somewhere, in my research or in my practice or maybe even in a book I publish I can help one person, one individual, then all of this is worth it.  And that, my acquaintences, is why I'm doing this.  It's not for the Benjamin's...

Politics -- meh!

"Clothes make the man.  Naked people have little or no influence on society." - Mark Twain

So, this might be a bit unexpected today -- a political rant.  I'm not overtly political -- I don't belong to a party.  I try to educate myself on the candidates that are running, and if I feel comfortable with what they stand for and how they communicate, I vote for them.  I DON'T vote a 'party ticket' -- I hate that.  Especially since the political parties are doing nothing but providing the same message in a different outfit.  Someone actually speaking the truth doesn't influence anything because they don't "look the part" -- so to speak.  (Hence the quote - which I LOVE)

So what has me up in arms -- a facebook ad.  I know, right??  I got a little facebook ad from the Democratic Party of Kansas with a little rainbow icon saying that the Democratic Party always has the interests of LGBT at heart.  Um -- really??  Always??  A wise professor once told me to investigate and never believe anything at face value, and she was right.  And you should never trust statements that contain "always" and "never."

So again -- why am I upset... Well - even though I'm gay (I know, shock!), my interests are with the rest of the country right now.  I'm sick and tired of what I jokingly call "The Politics of the Penis".  It started with the election of Mr. Hillary Clinton and has continued.  Everyone is worried about what everyone does with (or without) a penis.  Instead of telling us how they are going to get our AAA rating back as a nation, get our state out of debt, or fix the damn roads in the town I live in (they are doing that now, FINALLY, but all at once), I'm bombarded with sound bites about sex.

Don't believe me?  Watch this election cycle.  I want you to listen for the following three things:

• Abortion ~ seriously -- this is still a topic.  1975 called and wants it's controversy back!  Let's give it to 'em.  I'm not going to go into what I personally believe, b/c it's moot, and might surprise you where I stand.  Stop spending money we don't have dealing with an issue that should be laid to rest with the synthetic bell bottoms of that era.  It's legal -- move on!
• Gay Marriage ~ yeah, this makes me listen.  But honestly, I think we have more important things to worry about then whether or not I can change my last name at this time.  It's not that I don't think it's important (I am an HRC member), but I'm not voting based on this stand.  I'd vote for someone that doesn't want me to marry but can fix the tax code, close the loop holes, and fix our debt issues.  Why?  Simple, I can't "marry" anyway yet I know many people that do.  Marriage isn't a legal institution, it's a commitment between two people in front of God about loving each other forever and being faithful.  I don't need that legislated.  If it was 1991 and the economy was rocking along, I'd be all for this, but not right now.
• Sex Scandal ~ Tied to either Anthony Weiner (still makes me giggle) or a new one crops up.  Two words -- SO WHAT?  Every adult has a closet door that would have all kinds of skeletons and zombies come running out that we don't want the world to see.  I'm not making a decision based on whether or not someone is permiscuous. 

I probably over vented - but I just hate being labeled and being told that I should support something because I'm gay.  Or from Texas.  Or an Aggie.  Or a soon to be psychologist.  Or (insert reason here).  Let me think!  Let me make my own decision.  If you tell me what to do I'm liable to do the exact opposite to spite you....

Back That Thing Up



My baby!!!

So, grant me my Andy Rooney moment here...  Maybe I'll be the next guy on 60 minutes at the end that talks about nothing important... lol!

Have you ever noticed what is on the back of vehicles today?  There's all kind of crazy stuff that people will put on the back of their cars and trucks to express themselves.  Sometimes it's a great form of self expression, and other times they probably should have kept it to themselves.  But hey -- it's America and we can freely self express -- and I can poke fun at it!

After all -- we get to interpret what we see...

So this guy was all over the board.  He likes honda motorcycles, drives a toyota truck, thinks VW's are biohazards, wants to eat, sleep, and rally, and finally likes to do illegal stuff.  Does anyone else picture a 40 something crossdresser driving this vehicle?  With bad makeup and hair?

Okay -- this one is organized, and interesting.  The tailgate has bulls.  The bottom of the window has naked chicks.  And the two stickers are of the Virgin Mary.  Sends a bit of a scary message if you ask me... although points for organization.

Yay for the Dallas Cowboys fan and supporting our troops -- but do we need to know that you are into watersports??

"Honk if you want some" -- no commentary needed LMAO!

You really shouldn't air out your family issues on the back of your car.  It appears the oldest child hacked up the younger ones in only what I can assume was a fit of rage!

Anyone imaging a rather large woman with workboots, jeans, a flannel shirt, and a mullet stepping out of this truck?  Probably with a cigarette in her mouth?  Just axin'....

ME TOO!!! (hahahaha)

As for mine??  Well obviously it says I'm a proud gay Texas A&M grad who loves still being a kid at heart!!!  ;)

And to think I got didn't get pulled over for driving through parking lots taking pics of cars... Was in the mood for a random blog and this filled in just right. 

www.dating.com

My computer!!  Sort of :)

So – it’s 2011 and there’s this handy little thing called an internet. It can help you find all kinds of things you never thought you needed – like superhero underwear, white watches, Disney branded gifts, even a pink A&M one-sie for your niece. It’s also makes finding things you need a lot easier – like a pizza for a party, scores from the latest basketball game (VCU?? Seriously??), hotel rooms in other states (NOLA! SD!), and yes – even a date.


That’s right kiddos – online dating is out there. You’ve seen the ads, from eHarmony, match.com, cupid.com, plentyofish.com (thx Gaga & Brit!), etc., etc. There’s even iPhone apps for it (Grindr for those that know) among others. So yes skittles, I have adventured into the world of online dating. It is 2011, and lets face it kids, there’s not a whole lot of options in Top City – but there really should be a translation book out there.

There’s just some real silliness posted out there online – so I thought I’d let you in on some of the stuff that makes me giggle or even outright laugh:

• The bare chest profile pic with phone/camera obstructing the face
Decoded: I’m not out of the closet. No relationship here, just – well – you know

• Same above, with the statement “Not looking to hookup”
Decoded: Yes you are

• Description of traits of an ideal guy that end with “Step to the front of the line”
Decoded: I’m desperate; I’ll go out with anyone. And I’ll trade up the first chance I get. How vain are you to think there is a line of men waiting to date you?  (And seriously – if there was actually a line would they be online??)

• Statement says “Your place only”
Decoded: I’m married/partnered and my wife/partner doesn’t know I’m cheating. Don’t tell!

• Ending a profile description that says “I don’t do drama!”
Decoded: Yes, you do. How would you know what drama is without doing it, and I’m guessing you are the main cause of said “drama” and therefore do “drama” a lot

• Having the terms “hot,” “sexy,” or “stud” in your signin
Decoded: I’m more into me than I am to you. And I know it too. Narcissism at its finest lol.

• Saying you are “discrete”
Decoded: You really mean “creepy” – you don’t want anyone to know what you are up to and that just makes me shiver

• And the one that makes me laugh the most – “Be masculine. I only like real men.”
Decoded: Hahahahaha – Are there really desperate women posing as gay men?

Good luck my fellow singles, straight, gay, lesbian, or bi – it’s a tough world out there!

Westboro, Supreme Court, Slashed Tires, and Trash

So yeah, I live in Westboro here in Topeka, KS.  Okay -- well actually like two blocks north.  Westboro is a quaint neighborhood area on the west side of the captial building.  It has some beautiful homes.  And one f*cked up church . . .

Yup -- I live two blocks north of the infamous Westboro Baptist Church.  Yes . . . THAT one.  So why am I blogging about this?  Well, I just wanted to weigh in on a few recent develoments . . .

One, the Supreme Court upheld a lower courts ruling that they have the right to protest at military funerals.  Now let me get this out -- I absolutely DETEST them -- but they do have that right.  We live in a country where we can protest whatever we want, no matter how assanine or retarded we are about it.  Our country was built on that right -- and I wouldn't support anyone losing it.  It doesn't mean I have to listen, or acknowledge them.  I know a lot of people are upset about that ruling, but I'm not.  I wouldn't want my right to attend the Million Fag March (and yes, I'll be there, April 30th) to be interfered with because it offends someone.  We have to allow everyone a voice, even if we don't like what they are saying with it.  I do feel the Supreme Court got this one right.

Secondly, and admittedly I giggled when I read this article, someone slashed the tires of the Westboro Baptist Church minivan in McAlister, Oklahoma; and then no one in the town would provide service to them.  (Click HERE to read the article in the Tulsa Journal.)  I don't condone violence, or vandalism, and really wouldn't EVER recommend anyone do this to anyone -- I think a little "Golden Rule" was in effect in this situation.  Some people are worried that they will sue the small businesses that refused to fix their tires, but it's legal refuse service as long as it's not a violation of someone civil rights (i.e. NO shirt, NO shoes, NO service).  I'm wondering if they could even argue that they refused service as a form of protest . . .

Finally -- and many know about this -- they aren't really protesting anything.  They protest in front of churches, a local park, Sonic (WTF on that??), a video store, and funerals.  And they use the same signs over and over and over.  No point -- just trying to upset everyone.

The leader of that cult (and yes, it really is that) started off protesting gay events and gay funerals.  He received tons of coverage, and he became famous.  And then people started ignoring him, and not paying attention to him.  Typical of all fame whores, he couldn't deal with the fact that he was being ignored.  So -- how to generate more news coverage??  Now he protests military funerals.  That pisses off more than just the "gays."    Don't believe me about the "fame whore" claim -- how about trying to stage a Quran burning on 9/11 after the pastor in Florida called his off due to all the attention he received . . . yeah, too bad no one paid attention.  (Click HERE to read that article).  One thing effective fame whores know is that you have to be original . . .

So -- the point of my post.  It isn't to rail the WBC.  I could care less what they do.  THAT is my point in this post.  Everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE, just needs to ignore them.  I do.  I have the same opinion of them as I do trash on the side of the road -- I don't like it existing but I don't really stop and do anything about it.  I just don't care enough.  So -- there you have it.  One gay man's strategy on how he feels about the WBC crazies walking up and down the sidewalks.

The bottom line is they really don't have anything to say.  They just want you to pay attention to them.

To Mr. Whomever You Will Be . . .

Okay, so I say I hate Valentine's Day . . . I don't hate it.  I don't like it either.  For me it's just another day.  It's like last Tuesday, or the following Thursday.  It really has never held a special meaning for me.  Partly because, well, I haven't had a valentine in a long, long time.  I had so much going on upstairs, I really didn't have a chance to find someone. 

So, I'm looking.  Not desperatly seeking, or crazily, but just looking . . . and to Mr. Whomever You Will Be, I just want you to know, I'm just me . . .

“Just Me”

I can’t compete with the sexy young thing,
Strutting across the dance floor, showing is bling.
He’s hot, he’s a dream,
He haunts all the men’s memories.
I’m a bit shy, stand off by the side.
I don’t like everyone to know me, sometimes I hide.
But with you my hips begin to move
And the beat infects me, I start to groove.
I don’t know what will be,
I only know I’m not him, I’m just me.

I can’t outshine the drag queen on stage,
Swinging her hips, acting half her age.
She’s sassy, she’s crass,
She lets you slap her ass.
I move slowly, even though I want to go fast.
Take every step deliberately, I want it to last.
I’ll admit, deep within, a closet freak resides,
I just don’t know how to unleash it from inside.
My desires are welling, my heart is free,
I can only say I’m not her, I’m just me.

I can’t eclipse the furry bear
Flexing his muscles, wearing his leather.
He’s manly, he’s strong,
His desire burns hard and long.
I am a work in progress, it takes time.
I struggle at times to keep my eye on the prize.
I will try to fulfill your fantasies, your desires,
I can only promise to try to keep ablaze the fire.
My love burns strong, could that make you happy?
I promise you I’m not any of them, I’m just me.

Random Thoughts in the Key of G

I'm sitting here not entirely sure why I'm blogging this.  I would call this entry more of a free thought, free flowing train of my random thoughts.  I guess I just feel the need from time to time to open the small door of my craziness to the world outside.  I think it makes you appreciate sanity more . . . lol!

So, the basics first.  I'm in front of my computer listening to just about the best Gaga song EVER . . . (Bad Romance in case you were curious) in my sweats.  Ragan is sleeping next to my chair, Wilson is in the bedroom on my bed, and I have no idea where Kahlua is hiding, probably in Ragan's kennel, her new favorite spot.

Ever wonder if someone thinks the same thing about you that you do about them?  I'll just start off with being single sucks.  Well, not sucks, but is very frustrating.  I know relationships are hard work, and I by no mean imply that life is soooo much better with one, I just know that I want one.  So, someone has caught my eye (true story!).  And as anything that happens in my life, it's complicated.  I never think that someone looks at me that way, and well, I wish I knew if he did.  Would make things soooooooo much easier.  Kinda like Gaga says . . . I don't wanna be friends!  I mean I do, but I don't . . . Somehow I always end up in the dreaded "friend zone" . . . And I'm always scared that I'm misreading the situation. 

A bit down about the whole grad school thing.  I basically am getting turned down by two of my schools.  I'm on the dreaded "back up" list . . . Texas Tech and UNT both have already contacted applicants to come down for an interview day, and well . . . I didn't get an invite.  A bit bummed out by that but like one of my professors said, I know I can continue on for my Master's where I'm at.  Not that I don't love Washburn, but I really, really want to get a PhD . . . so I might be going through all this again next year . . . ugh!

I'm really excited about presenting the results of my research this Spring.  I'm doing it three times . . . once at a University level, once at a multi-state level, and finally at a whole Midwest level.  It's kind of exciting!!!  We'll see how all that goes . . . but I'm excited for the experience!!!  Sooner or later I'll finish up my research paper and potentially even work on getting it published.

I wonder why I pay for cable tv . . . I NEVER WATCH IT anymore.  I love me some cable internet, but I never watch any shows on tv . . . I just don't get myself sometimes . . . I need to cowboy up and take the cable box back and say that I just want internet -- nuttin' else.  Sooner or later I guess I will . . .

I'm craving some Oreos & milk hard core right now . . . good thing I have neither in my house!!

Am I Pretty?

Before you get ready to send me some note to tell me to cheer up or I am -- I'm not asking this question.  Rather, I'm answering it for someone.  Someone, who quite frankly, shocked me when that person asked me this question.  It was someone that I felt was pretty, as you'll see later, as well as cute as hell!  It caught me off guard that he would ask a question I essentially wonder all the time about myself.

While it wasn't exactly worded that way, the gist was definitely those three little words that at some time, in some form or fashion, we all want to know.  "Am I pretty?"

What makes someone pretty?  We all know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so in this case since I'm the beholden, I get to answer that question.  To me, only a few things make someone pretty. 

Let's get the obvious out of the way -- I'm not talking about attractive.  Attractive is defined by society and culture, and I think we are all pretty well versed on what our culture finds attractive.  Attractive activates the lust within us all -- both exciting as well as fleeting.  Pretty is much more intense, slower to come to the surface, and what makes love endure, in my book.

One more caveat before I answer his question.  It was asked by someone that is a-straight, and b-not looking to test out "the other team" so to speak.  He asked it because he knew I'd give an unbiased opinion with nothing behind it. 

So, are you pretty?  Let me look into your eyes.  Do you have that spark, that spirit, that light?  Is that fire burning within, that passion for life?  When you look at me, can I tell without even seeing you?  Yes, your gaze is electric, exciting, and dare I say a bit dangerous.  You are pretty because of what I can see deep in your eyes.  Life with you will never be dull, and never lose it's passion.

Touch my shoulder, or my hand.  Not in a sensual way, but in a casual way.  Maybe a nice hug.  Was there something warm in that embrace?  Did my heart flutter a bit?  Did yours?  Can you communicate your emotions, how you feel, through a touch?  If a heart rate changes, or a deep breath happens, you can.  Life with you would never be lonely, never be cold.

Talk to me.  Not in that 900 number way . . . but rather in a way that opens the door to you.  Be honest, be upfront.  Can you share what you fear?  Can you communicate your dreams?  Without even trying, can you engage me in a conversation that blurs time.  You know, the kind when you turn around and are like -- seriously??  We've been talking for HOW LONG??  Life with you would be emotionally and intellectually rewarding. 

So this is how I define "pretty" -- and while it's true that he probably didn't want to know all this -- it's all good.  He gave me a great topic for a blog entry, and made me think about what I do find pretty.  And he is very, very pretty indeed . . .

Reflections: JJ's Top 10 for 2010



A little karaoke at College Hill with some friends!

 Well, it’s that time of year when everyone puts out their Top 10 List. You can find a top 10 albums, top 10 songs, top 10 movie trailers, top 10 appetizers, top 10 scandals . . . hell, you can even find the top 10 pet videos! Well, I haven’t done a great job at blogging in a while, but want to get back into it for this upcoming year. So, to kick off my motivation, I thought I’d share the top 10 moments of my life for 2010. While in no particular order (well, they are in the order they popped into my head), they are all each special to me, and since I'm a bit of a diva, I knew you'd want me to share them with you!


• I kissed a boy and I liked it. Not being romantically inclined, or risky, it was somewhat out of character for me, and it was a very nice kiss. While what I wanted to come from that kiss didn’t, it was a very special kiss. And, it was the very first thing I did in 2010, so it really had to be included on this list .

• Bob turned 1 year old! My lap band is named “Bob” fyi . . . and he turned 1 in February. Don’t even know how to begin to describe the change in my life, but my BFF Gracie and Eric conspired to throw Bob a party – and it was very special indeed.

• Rolling with a 4.0 in Psych! What a rough year in school. I really had to buckle down through some very tough courses and am quite proud of the results thus far. I’ve got one semester left in undergrad, and to still have a 4.0 is something that I’m very proud of. Now if I could just learn to write better . . . lol 

• Lady Gaga in St. Louis!!!!! Something that was truly spectacular, amazing, fantabulous, and full of awesomeness. And not just because it was Gaga, but who I got to share it with!!!

• Best Man in the Maxwell/Guiterrez wedding in San Diego. To be asked to stand as someone’s best man is quite humbling. My name is on their marriage license!!! I truly cherish everytime I’ve been asked – and who doesn’t love a wedding reception?? And in San Diego to boot?? Yeah, it was awesome on like 17 different levels . . .

• Sunday’s at Starbucks with my BFF!!! Yeah, it’s not an unusual event, but it’s something I cherish. We say we are gonna “study” while there – but truth is we study before and afterwards, it’s kinda our BFF time.

• Skin Removal in August. I was kinda mum on this for some reason I realized, but in August I had the extra skin from my belly removed from my weightloss. It was awesome . . . and painful. The best part, in all honesty, was just the love I felt from two very special ladies that drove up from Texas to take care of me. How Mom and Aunt Cookie got me from the hospital to the hotel room that day I’ll never know. And I’m still a bit stunned they didn’t video me after I woke up from all the drugs . . . I know I said some crazy ass shit!

• Random friendships at IHOP in Wichita. Sometimes you are just meant to meet some people, and they are meant to touch your soul in ways you never expect. No reason, no rhyme, you just are thankful and glad that they did. Love you Roxy and Shonda!!!

• Applying for grad school. Wow . . . I still can’t believe I’m doing this!! I never thought of myself as doctor material . . . but one day, who knows?? It just might be Dr. Joe . . . Now if I can just get into University of Texas, or Texas A&M, or University of North Texas, or Texas Tech, or UT SW Medical Center of Dallas, or Wichita State University . . . just one please . . .

• Falling down in Wichita. Okay . . . so I’ve had a few memorable spills in the city of Wichita . . . one was dancing at Club Fantasy, the other was during Wichita Pride Parade – while I was in the parade!! Both hilarious . . . both memorable . . . both fun to talk about!
I feel very blessed to have had such a jam packed year . . . I’m sure I could keep listing stuff, but gotta stop at ten . . . May 2011 be just as fun, blessed, and full of surprises for everyone . . . I’m looking forward to it 

Goodbye, Old Friends . . .

Oh, my dear, dear friends.  I'm not talking to you blog readers, but rather a pair of shoes.  Sound odd??  You should see the other 60 friends I have in my two closets . . . Now it doesn't seem so odd that I say goodbye to these old friends -- does it??  (or maybe it does, hehe)

The time has come, as in every relationship, to be honest.  Is it going to last?  Is it going to make it through the sands of time?  Or is it time to acknowledge the truth and part ways.  I think, at this point in our lives, it is indeed time to part ways.

Yes, I hear you friends.  You have carried me when I was at my heaviest.  When I couldn't make it more than 5 minutes on the treadmill.  I couldn't walk up a flight of stairs without heavy breathing.  You were there with me . . .

But now where there once was joy, and triumph -- it's just pain now.  You don't support me the way you used to.  You don't carry me when I'm tired and down trodden as you did in the past.  Is there someone else?  Are you just tired of always being there?  I don't know why you've decided, after all the sweat, tears, and miles, to not do what you've always done.

I need -- no wait -- deserve to find someone that puts that extra spring in my step.  You no longer want to do that, or are able to . . . and I can't continue to let you hurt me the way you do now. 

So -- to you my dear friends -- my first pair of workout shoes since my lap bad surgery in Feb 09 -- I bid adieu.  I'll cherish the times together and what we were able to accomplish as a team. 

(chuckle)

Where's My America?

OH, it’s the call of the political machine . . . you can hear it from far away beating the drums like it does every 4 years – and for some reason quite loudly in this election cycle . . . or maybe because it’s that I’m paying more attention to it.

Anyway – have you heard the new phrases?? “Take America Back!” “Fight for our America!” “Change That Matters” “Country First” . . . Sound good don’t they?

Here’s one that I’d like to offer . . . “Where’s My America?” Not a lot of mumbo jumbo, but some questions that I’m still waiting for a politician to actually answer before I vote for him or her.

Where’s the America that is compassionate and loving? Yes, some tragic news about some gay teens that were bullied so much they chose suicide as an only route has finally brought this issue to light. But where are the solutions that are supposed to be offered from our leaders? There’s so much blame falling to the teachers – but that behavior wasn’t taught in the schools. It was taught at home. It was taught by people that believe others not like them are weak, inferior, and useless. It’s not taught directly, but indirectly. It’s a process called modeling. So where’s the responsibility for the parents and the bullies in all this? Yeah – I believe a lot of it lies there. My America would care about individuals, and would value the differences we all have. It wouldn’t care about color, faith, or sexual orientation.

Where’s the America that believes in freedom? I’m so tired of everyone trying to convince me of their personal point of view. Does anyone know that opinions can’t be right or wrong?? They are merely just what someone believes – or perceives – or thinks. I’m glad that you think it’s a travesty that an Islamic Center wants to build near WTC site – I don’t. If they have the money to buy the property then let them have at it. I’m ecstatic that you believe someone under 18 seeking an abortion should be allowed to do it without parental consent – I don’t. I think if someone is under 18, by law therefore a child, then that child does not have an expectation of privacy from their own parents – and the parents should be informed. Notice in my opinions I didn’t say I was right, or that someone was wrong. I just stated my opinion and moved on – that’s how it should be. My America would welcome diverse thought, a sharing of ideas, and a cordial (notice I didn’t say passionate debate was bad, just respectful) debate on topics effecting the nation. No demagogue-ing allowed . . .

Where’s the America that believes in equality? Remember Majority Rules, with Minority Rights?? It’s something that stuck with me from my political science lectures (well the ones I didn’t fall asleep in). It simply means that the majority will rule, but the minority’s rights are protected. You can’t just walk over those that don’t agree with you. (Hey Republicans and Democrats – did you see that???) They must have slept on that day instead. My America would be able to separate out a religious argument from an equality one. Instead of defining a religious definition into law (illegal btw), I’d step away from the argument on marriage. My America would make sure that all people, regardless on anything, were treated fairly by its government. If religious affiliations want to discriminate, that is their prerogative, but not the governments . . .

So I ask simply – not to take America back, or change it just because, but rather . . . simply . . . help her find her compassion and soul. That’s the America I want.

Got $2300 I can borrow?

So I've decided on a new career.  I'm going to found a graduate school -- and build up a lot of publicity that it's VERY prestigious and VERY upper crust -- and I'm going to charge people $50 to $75 just to apply -- and I'll tell 'em all no.  But if I get 100 applications a year, it's vacation money!!  Woohoo!!

Okay - so I'm a bit perturbed at the cost of higher education.  I'm not talking about the cost of a credit hour, textbooks (although that's a whole other racket all together), or even fees . . . I'm talking about the cost of getting INTO grad school.  It's freaking ridiculous!!!

Here's the cost to apply to one school --
$60 to submit application
$25 to have ETS send official GRE scores to said school
$25 to have Texas A&M send official transcript
$15 to have Washburn University send official transcript
$200 for travel expenses/hotel room (that CHEAP hotel and driving) for interview day

Yeah . . . and the odds are the school is still going to tell me "NO"
How is this even legal???  What would the government do if employers charged people to submit applications of employment??

Explain to me how Texas A&M needs me to pay them to send my grades -- was the $25K I spent on my Engineering degree not enough?  And hey Washburn -- is the $12K I'm spending on my Psychology degree not enough?  If you need paper and a stamp I'll supply it (yeah -- and it's all electronic now anyway).

The standard advice is to apply to 5 to 7 programs you are interested in so you 'hopefully' get into one . . . um . . . that's like $1,625 to $2,275 just to APPLY!  What the french toast??

Oh well . . . I guess I might as well get a tattoo on my ass that says "Property of Uncle Sam" cuz I'm gonna owe them for the rest of my life . . . but at least I'll be happy!!!  :)

Let's Talk -- About Josh Hamilton

Hey readers!  You might have noticed a few (okay, several) changes here in my little blog world.  That's because I'm moving my blog into a new direction.  Not to say I won't be putting random tidbits of my life in here, because it is my journal of sorts.  But it's going to be more about events out in the world that make me want to talk.  So -- welcome to the first official entry of my blog now called "Joe Talk."

Let's talk about Josh Hamilton, slugger and possible gold glover outfielder, and possible MVP of the 2010 AL West Champion Texas Rangers.  Why talk about a celebrity athelete you may wonder?  Well -- because unlike any other athelete I've ever heard or followed, Josh is real.  He's a real man, with real struggles, real dark days, and unbelievable real triumphs.  And I believe he's a true role model for what he did during the Rangers' celebration of their first division title in 11 years.

Quick background -- Josh was a rising star in baseball with Tampa Bay until drugs and alcohol derailed his career.  Unlike many, Josh found the strength, both inside of himself as well as from up above, to get off the path of addiction and ruin.  Instead of hiding from this dark past, he wears it on his sleeve.  He tries, every where he goes, to let young people know of the extreme dangers of drugs and alcohol addiciton, that they are real, a disease, and one not to dabble with.

So why am I impressed with Mr. Hamilton?  When pro athletes celebrate, for whatever reason, it involves shaking up bottles of champagne and beer and pouring it all over each other.  I don't get it, but it's their thing.  We all knew this, and Josh knew it too.  Instead of risking the temptation, he avoided it all together by quickly changing in a trainer's room and leaving the club house.  He did get to celebrate with his teammates on the field, but he needed to leave the temptation behind.

And what did he go do instead of tempting himself?  He went and talked about his faith along with other players from the Oakland A's to a crowd of fans that gathered.  He made a promise to them to do it, and he did.  And he didn't think it'd be right to show up smelling of alcohol or cigars, even though he didn't partake.

Show me another professional athlete that can walk away from temptation like Josh.  He's fallen off the wagon before, and instead of hiding or lying, he acknowledged it outright.  Everytime this man does something, I gain more and more respect and admiration for him.  He's not an MVP b/c of his playing ability in my book, he's an MVP for what he's done in his life.  It's not just about the success for him, but also about his struggles.  He's real, and you have to respect it.

Hats off to Josh Hamilton -- definitely someone you want to talk about with your kids.  Whether you believe in God or not (even though I do), he can teach young people more than just how to play ball, he can teach one of the toughest lessons in life.  The lesson he teaches is how to pick yourself up when you are at the lowest of lows and to turn it around.  And there's not many more qualified to teach it . . .

The Music Industry's Idea of a Sequel

I find it funny when people want to pass judgement on you b/c of the music you like to listen to.  I always love it when you get "dissed" for not listening to stuff that is considered "deep" or "meaningful."  Whatever -- I'm a top 40 kinda guy and I like it!  I'll take Gaga, Beyonce', Justin, or Mariah over some unknown flannel punk band that crawled out from a rock to sing a song about injustice to squirrels any day of the week.

Yeah -- I like my music a little bubblegum, and to have a groove.  which brings me to the music industry's idea of a sequel -- it's called the sample.  A sample (for those that don't know) is when one song takes part (or all) of the melody of another song and they loop it into the beat or melody of the new single. 

I love the fact that people get really mad that this goes on -- b/c it's really a safe bet.  You take a cute tune from way back when and jazz it up with your song, and seriously, it's a sequel to the first song.  That old song get's new life.  And in an industry that is littered with one hit wonders, you'd be surprised how many of those song writers are still reaping a royalty check off that one hit they had.

I did some quick research on some of my favorite songs and here are the samples they use:

• Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" samples a huge Dutch club hit called "Dominator" by Human Resource
• Mariah's "Fantasy" (both versions) samples the melody from Tom Tom Club's "Genius of Love"
• Ke$ha's new single "Take It Off" actually samples a REALLY old song titled "Streets of Cairo" -- it's over 100 years old!!
• Christina Aguilera's "Candyman" borrows most of it's melody from The Andrews Sisters WWII smash "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy" -- she even pays tribute to them in the video when there's three of her singing
• My favorite Janet song "Someone to Call my Lover" borrows the guitar opening from America's "Ventura Highway"
• Rihanna's "Please Don't Stop the Music" takes the melody and some lyrics from Michael Jackson's "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'"  (most of her songs have samples, btw)
• Rap borrows VERY heavily, and Nelly's first smash hit "Country Grammar" ironically borrows it's melody from a popular kids song "Roller Coaster"
• "Bootylicious" by Destiny's Child steals the guitar riff from Stevie Nicks' "Seventeen" -- she loved it so much she plays the guitar in the video in the beginning for them
• Finally, and interestingly enough, Timbaland's "The Way I Are" actually samples another rap song, Salt-n-Pepa's smash "Push It"

Like I said, I did very little research and came up with these examples, and most songs today do contain samples.  However, one popular myth is that it's the artist's who borrows the sample.  In reality -- it's the PRODUCER of the track that borrows -- so unless the artist is involved in all aspects of the track production, they might not have had any say so at all.

The only controversial (and you can say unintentional, but I don't believe so) sampling to occur was on Beyonce's "Halo" and Kelly Clarkson's "Already Gone".  Both songs were written by One Republic's frontman Ryan Tedder.  Yeah -- that did get a bit ugly . . .

So -- in case you were curious -- I'm a fan of Top 40, sampling, and bubblegum pop.  Oh yeah baby . . .

I'm Over Skulls

So over the skull shirts, but
he is a completely different story

Okay, so I love fashion, right?  I mean, what gay guy doesn't??  My best friend loves it so much that she's turned into a pseudo-celebrity with her very own style blog (Click to read her style blog).  I love clothes shopping . . . so you get it.  Guy on the go, loves to shop, his bff is a style guru . . .

So I feel that I'm somewhat qualified to make the following statement -- enough with the human skulls on everything design motif.  I'm just kinda over the macabre designs.  It's only so long that you can beat me up side the head with skulls before I just think it must be halloween stuff on sale or something . . .

Don't get me wrong . . . I have a pair of Ed Hardy sneaks (with skulls on them of course), and a blinged out shirt with I kid you not -- a silver shiny bedazzled skull on it.  It's not that it's bad, but it's just being put on EVERYTHING and it kinda kills off the novelty.  Not every piece of clothing should have a reference to a skull.  I even saw a shirt at Baby Gap with skulls all over it . . . y'all . . . that is NOT appropriate wear for a baby or toddler!  A baby boy should be wearing something with trucks, footballs, or surfing on it . . . (well if it was my baby boy he'd be in a solid v-neck tee and plaid shorts . . . just sayin)

It just is starting to seem weird to me to wear a bunch of clothing with ornately decorated skulls on it.  I feel the skull should be more of an accent, not a center piece (unless I feel like wearing my bedazzled skull shirt, that is).

So, officially speaking -- I'm over skulls.  Thank goodness the fall lines coming out are incorporating stripes, argyles, and solids . . . a return to preppy patterns is definitely NOT a bad thing in my book . . . Just so ya know . . .

Making Wishes Come True

Let's pretend that airplanes, in the night sky, are like shooting stars.  I could use a wish right now, a wish right now, a wish right now . . .

Wishes are an interesting concept.  To wish for something means that you desire, or long for it.  However, nothing magical ever happens and those wishes stay just that -- wishes.  The only way to make your wishes come true . . . is to do it yourself.

So let me tell you a little story about three wishes.  Three friends each have a wish -- one wants to be a psychologist, one wants to be a major player in the fashion industry, and one wants to run his own resort.  All three are pretty big wishes that sound fun, full of interesting twists and turns, and lofty goals.

Removing the magical hoping for a fairy godmother to arrive and waive her sparkly wand to grant them -- these three friends are all doing something to make their wishes come true.  All three of them (I should say us!) are in school.  That's right -- adults going back for more education -- we are taking another spin on the education wheel of fortune.

It's interesting, actually, when you talk to any one of us.  True, going back to school is a lot of work and a bit stressful, but all three of us love it!  The thing that has struck me the most is that the mindset of the returning college student (at least in our cases) is very different.  Motivation is NOT a problem.  We get frustrated when we feel we're not moving forward.  And although a ton of work is dumped on our plates, we love it - and want to learn more.

Yeah, I'm talking about my bff Gracie (who is completing her MBA), my best friend Eric (who is working on a BA in Hospitality Mgmt), and myself (completing my BA in Psych, applying for PhD programs currently).  I am so incredibly proud of the three of us for not just wishing, but for actually getting up off our duffs and making our wishes come true. 

Eat your heart out Fairy Godmother -- wherever you are!

Think About It!

I don't want to sound preachy or better than -- but I'm a bit perturbed at what I refer to as "my people's" reaction to the Target donation.  And I mean to me personally.  Yes, I sit on two sides of this fence, being a gay man and working for Target for almost 12 years.  Here's the deal . . . (and to clarify, I'm speaking for ME not for the company I work for. . .)

Target gave a donation to a PAC called Minnesota Forward.  This particular PAC's (that's political action committee) main goal is to create economic growth and jobs in Minnesota.  However, after Target's (and Best Buy's donation too) - they purchased some ads for a very conservative gubenatorial candidate Tom Emmer who believes marriage should ONLY be between one man and one woman.  OOPS!

Basically, Target gave money based on economic policy, and didn't look into social policy.  So did Best Buy . . . Yeah - it was a HUGE oversight on their parts.  And I believe the HRC has done a great job at pointing this out to them and challenging them to right the situation.  What I'm frustrated with is how some people have sent ME messages and emails asking how I could work for such an anti-gay company . . . Are you fking kidding???  Target anti-gay?? 

Target offers same sex couple benefits -- even in states where marriages and civil unions are not allowed (yeah -- that's most of them).  They have a GLBT leadership group that helps GLBT team members connect professionally and help them succeed in their careers.  You can not, under any circumstances, discriminate based on all the usual stuff AND sexual orientation and gender orientation.  That's not a law that they have to add that -- it's just who Target is.  Every June (aka GLBT month) they send out corporate wide communication about the month and are a major sponsor of Minnapolis' Gay Pride.

The point is -- I DON'T WORK FOR AN ANTI-GAY COMPANY!  I WORK FOR ONE OF THE MOST PRO-GAY COMPANIES AROUND!!!  So stop with the messages and challenges.  Be a critical thinker -- and just chill.  Those of you that are hell bent on challenging me about working for Target, I've got one thing to say -- Get up out my face!